3 minutes Love Bomb
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This seems to be one of the more faster acting titles.
As soon as my loop was done, my bad mood that I got up with began melting away. My head is beginning to clear.
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Mindfulness is easier and deeper with this title.
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So, Love Bomb is looking to be the shit.
I have nothing drastic to report yet, but I’m back home from visiting my kids. I was tired as fuck last night, having gotten back in at 430 in the morning.
I woke up this afternoon with a clearer head then I’ve had in awhile.
I also have a sense of…I can’t go so far as to call it peace yet - though I feel it is headed that way - but calm. More so than I even experienced using Hero for a cycle.
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The forgiveness scripting in Love Bomb is pretty good.
My uncle on my mom’s side of the family has been here since a few days before I left for Vegas last week. I found out today that he has early stages of Alzheimers and dementia.
My dad said that while I was gone, my uncle was trippin’. What he didn’t tell me was that it was in my room.
I went to turn on my PS4 a bit ago and noticed that my cords weren’t where I left them (I’m kinda anal about my room in my way).
Upon inspecting the back of my TV, I noticed one of my HDMI cords were…askew. My surge protector was on the ground behind my dresser and nothing was plugged the way it was supposed to be, including my PS4.
This alone would have normally caused me to go off on someone in the place, but I was actually only a little bit upset.
I called my dad and he came over to my room and I showed him the picture above. He was more upset than I was but I kept my calm - which I still have - and told him I’m not tripping, as long as I can get my HDMI to get in there, we’re good.
Well, that cord was shot. The connector was completely broken. Luckily, my dad had an extra.
I went to go plug back in my PS4. That HDMI cord was fucked, too.
I got a little angrier about that one but it passed so very quickly. Again, luckily my dad had another extra HDMI cord (my mom calls him a pack rat; he’s a hero in my books now 
).
Besides having to figure out why my TV remote wasn’t working for sound or input, there was no real harm done.
Long story summarized, I’m pleased that I didn’t fly off the rails or worse - to me - become quietly sullen and irritated and shut myself off from everyone here due to being afraid to go off on everyone, which is what I would usually do.
I’m also not even mad at him, surprisingly, to me.
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5 minutes Heartsong, 3 minutes Love Bomb.
I would normally be playing KB today, however I felt it was right for me to play HS and LB together and have KB4 have its own day, intuitively.
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I was enjoying music today, more. Not even listening to music either, but songs that randomly came to my head gave me a certain giddy happiness lol
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I’ve noticed that with each stage that I’ve started, there’s a period of time that my libido/sexual urges are either diminished or subdued.
That hasn’t changed with Khan Black ST4. I don’t think that I’ve had a single day of starting this one where I wasn’t comfortably able to manage any desires/urges that came up.
I can tell though that that brief period cessation of desire is ending. Not that I think I’ll have a raging libido or something, I just feel that my sexual interest is returning.
Watching Damsel on Netflix today, there were certain parts where the main character was doing main character stuff, particularly like battling the… Main protagonist (avoiding spoilers) and I hella felt like I would enjoy nothing more than ‘taking her down’, grit, slime and all.
I enjoy when I feel this way. It’s a more raw, authentic, powerful desire that transcends simply penis in vagina based need/want. When I feel this way, I love on women.
That’s the best way I have to put it.
I’m running the ideal stack for this energy to be directed in an excellent way.
I love WB but I’m not one for, or looking for, one night stands. At least, the one night stands I’ve had have not been to my liking.
Thinking out loud.
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Where Love is present, fear cannot abide. Where fear is present, love cannot be seen, even in the light.
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The only thing wrong with any of us is the belief that there’s something wrong with any us.
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Boobs are becoming more appealing to me.
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My sexual desires are rising again, for sure, as I expected.
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Big vibing with music today.
Today was the first time in awhile that I looked up some rap music. Not just any. No, I went trashy af with some Flo Milli - Beef and was vibing on my way to the shop, bonnet on and everything, not giving a fuck lmfao
Made me miss my motorcycle, actually.
Gotta put her back together.
In other news:
Watched the School of Good and Evil and gawdamn, her hair and lips, boi 🫠
Edit: googled her to make sure I’m not gonna get the bombastic side-eye for jailbait but nope, she’s an adult.
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I feel as if I have an intense, giddy, almost hyper energy. At least, it could potentially go there if I let it but it actually feels as if I’ve contained it well.
Like…
I don’t have any comparisons, yet. It’ll come.
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Oh, and there was a gorgeous sunset tonight.
Purples up in the clouds, and an underlay of orange hues on the horizon.
Gawjus, simply gawjus.
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Watching Hot Girls Wanted on Netflix.
My adopted parents used to tell us over and over again that porn isn’t what you think it is, and the sad things most of these women go through.
They certainly weren’t lying.
Watching it because I’m reminding myself of… Something, idk felt guided to it.
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Just had a moment, while talking to @Trader
I realized that I stayed in my relationship with my ex even though I wasn’t really happy, because I thought that I was a good guy for staying with a woman that didn’t give me the sex that I wanted.
I thought I was a bad guy for wanting the sex that I wanted.
I thought that if we introduced other women (polyamory) into the dynamic, I could be happy. But looking back, I know I wouldn’t have been.
I wasn’t even happy with being with her as it was. I used to blame my unhappiness on the fact that I simply felt sexually unfulfilled. And sure, that was an aspect of it.
But the greater truth is that I simply wasn’t happy being with her. I knew and denied that I could do better. I don’t like value judgements, but that I deserved better. That I was worth more.
I felt like I had to perform in order to be rewarded with sex. If I didn’t do this or that, I didn’t deserve it. And even then, it was almost grudging at times.
I can remember at times her telling me, “Go ahead and do what you want, I’ll just lay here.” Not once can I remember ever taking her up on that, I just felt disgust. I would almost always tell her, “I’m not trying to poke a sex doll, never mind.”
Same thing when she would get drunk and then wanna have sex. That’s just not interesting to me. I don’t like the energetic feel of drunk sex. Or high sex, as I discovered recently.
Just came to me talking to Palpitations about something.
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I do recall that part of the struggle of choosing to leave her was that, besides her being my kid’s mom, I felt like I loved her. I just didn’t feel in love with her, which didn’t feel fair to me or her.
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Love Bomb works very well with my spiritual practices, which was expected, as they center a bit on the heart.
I’ve decided to focus a bit more on balancing the three fold flame. I’ve dallied a bit in my own practices, testing this and that and I think that’s to become more of a focus for me.
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3 minutes Khan Black ST4
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