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Journals - Major Programs
#61

Glanced at my Khan Black tracks and intuitively felt that it was time to begin my time with Khan Black - ST4.

I ran it for 3 minutes.

I had sex with the girl who does my hair last night. I’ve never cum so fast in my life lmao it was literally maybe 2 minutes.

I kept myself hard and kept going with her - after changing the condom, of course - and I was just about completely numb down there so it was solely for her benefit. She still enjoyed herself immensely haha.

I think it was because I allowed myself to smoke a little bit of weed before we started. Like, when I came, I had a full body pleasure that culminated in feeling like I might be cumming but I wasn’t positive till I double checked haha I felt like I was robbed of a ‘true’ orgasm.

I’ll probably keep the loop of the WB custom, Nectar and Ambrosia, down to one loop per week, 30 seconds to 3 minutes.

The first loop, 7 minutes I believe it was, had my head feeling thick until I went to sleep that night.

The second which was 3 minutes didn’t have such a strong effect.

I’ve run both title’s major version so I am sure that 30 seconds of the custom will be all that I need.

As for my third title, I’m allowing that to come to me. I’ve considered Diamond or purchasing Divine Diamond, Heartsong or Primal Nights.

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#62

I have seen it in the past but I can now with certainty say that Wanted Black ramps up my temptation to masturbate and/or ‘take a peek’ at porn.

My will is stronger than all of that so I’m not overtly concerned. I haven’t masturbated since some time last year

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#63

Shouldn’t Khan Black help you overcome that desire?

#64

It did and does help.

It’s less of an active desire and more of an idle urge that comes and goes :slight_smile:

I ran KB ST1 2 or 3 cycles- I would have to check - and it greatly helped.

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#65

Yup, just ran the latest version of Heartsong, 3 minutes.

My intentions as they stand now are to run the WB/Nectar custom once at the beginning of the week, and the rest of the week running HS and KB St4.

Subject to change as I feel it out more.

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#66

Ran 3 minutes of KB ST4 and 3 minutes of Heartsong. Running Ascension Chamber, full time.

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#67

Last night as I was laying in bed, I had a realization that I hold some pain from my dealings with a redhead girl that I used to talk to in Las Vegas last year.

It isn’t as intense as it was then, but I had the realization that I didn’t want to carry on with this unaddressed.

Reading the Heartsong sales page, I came across:

Heartsong incorporates specific scripting aimed at healing past romantic traumas. The question arises: how can one hope to forge a beautiful relationship while still being shadowed by the limiting beliefs and scars from past relationships? Heartsong addresses this by harnessing the transformative power of love and romance, providing an avenue for healing these old wounds. When combined with the revolutionary New Subliminal Experience, any moment of healing is significantly amplified, leading to transformative changes in your emotional landscape.

I’m on the right track.

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#68

I’m visiting my kids in Vegas again. Their mom is out for a couple of days.

My 4 year old son went to the refrigerator and pulled out a cheesecake carton, saying “Look Daddy, this is cheesecake.”

I glanced over and said, “That’s cool. Now, put it back.”

He said, “Okay” and proceeded to do as I said, still commenting about the cheesecake.

He closed the door and walked sheepishly over to the couch next to me and started his little pouting, sad act that he has gotten into.

I told him to sit up, look me in the eyes, and gently but firmly explained to him that if he asks for something, I don’t mind giving it to him (provided criteria such as obedience to his mom and other things had been met, which I also explained).

But, “if you decide to throw a fit and whine about I want juice/soda/cake/candy/what have you, when you haven’t even asked, well, I’m less likely to even want to give it to you in the first place.”

In words he can understand, just paraphrasing.

As I explained it the way I did, which isn’t the first time, I actually had to pause because I saw a light going on in his eyes and he was smiling as I told him what I did.

By the end, he was just about beaming and I asked, “Do you understand?”

He nodded and I gave him a high five. After what I felt was an appropriate interval of a few seconds, maybe a minute, I said, “And yes, you can have some cheesecake.”

It was something of a moment for me walking into the kitchen, processing the difference between this time and all of the different times I’ve told him this exact thing before.

I got it for him and as he was at the table eating it and I was considering journaling this, he clarified what I had just told him. I corrected a couple of things but for the most part, it was good.

Interesting occurrence, for me.

Lineage: Mandate Eternal.

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#69

Don’t allow your intention to cause you to be in tension.

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#70

3 minutes HS and KB ST4.

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#71

3 minutes HS, 30 seconds KB ST4

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#72

I don’t know at what point this change happened in me, it happened very gradually but it’s definitely a real one for me:

Girl on girl stuff, which used to be one of the hottest things to me, has absolutely no appeal to me anymore.

It’s not disgusting to me. It’s just not interesting to me, whatsoever. I get zero arousal on any level, seeing girls make out on TV, or seeing group sex scenes in movies and what not.

It has been something I’ve noticed gradually over the past month but I really just noticed it in this scene in the Chucky TV show, where two women are on the bed, enjoying each other’s ministrations.

I felt nothing. Just neutral.

Actually, I kinda have an idea of when. So, the girl I mess around with currently is bi. She likes to have sex with girls when the mood strikes her.

So, when I found that out, I had told her she’s gotta do me a favor. She said what’s that and I told her it has been a long time desire of mine to watch two woman pleasuring each other so when the mood strikes her next, let me know.

She laughed and said she’ll see what she can do.

Like 2 weeks ago, I was talking to her on the phone and I just felt the need to tell her, “You know that favor I asked you for a little while back? I’m taking my request back, I just realized I don’t want it.”

I had to remind her what the favor was :joy: but then she was like wow really, what changed your mind? I couldn’t figure it out at the time so I had no explanation other than, “I just lost the fantasy for some reason.”

I would say that this is from using Khan Black and not having watched pornography since sometime last year.

I never expected to lose that interest, though I don’t miss it.

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#73

I also finished the Netflix series based loosely on the life of Rocco Siff- however you spell his name, the Italian Stallion, Supersex a few days ago.

I had hardly any trouble watching it from beginning to finish (giggity), without desire to masturbate and what not.

I gave in to my curiosity of whether it I had ever seen a scene from him so I went on the Hub, purposefully googling his name with said site so I didn’t ‘accidentally’ see other scene thumbnails and get ‘triggered’, saw what I came to see and closed the site without looking back. Nor did I have the sneaky temptation to look again.

The best way I could put it now, seeing the porn thumbnails and the preview that Pornhub does with the video if you hover over it, the disinterest I have in porn compared to real sex I can compare loosely to my desire to play with dolls as opposed to talking to real people.

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#74

I deactivated my social medias a few days ago, as well. Forgot to note that here. Instagram because it just feels meaningless overall.

Threads, because reading posts of people’s opinions about this or that that other people are doing, people asking what’s wrong with other people, and general toxicity got old to me awhile ago and I felt it was time for another reset.

It took like two days to get out of the mindless habit of scrolling down to their tabs on my phone to open them. Watching myself do this a few times had me realize just how hooked I was on social media, and I don’t even post generally.

1 Like
#75

Ah and I wasn’t going to note it as I experience so many synchronicities daily that this one didn’t seem relevant, but I’ve been reconsidering my stack. I’m not willing to experiment with the cross between HS and WB just yet, so I’m leaving my custom alone again.

Today would have been the day I used it, but I ran HS and KB4 while I considered other options.

I’ve been considering a few titles over the past 3-4 days, such as Diamond or the Divine version, Phoenix and Love Bomb.

I decided against Phoenix for now. The Crucible will be more than enough transformative scripting in my life for now.

I decided against Diamond for now. I’ve ran it a lot in the past, months at a time back in Qv2 and I do not need those extraordinary boners and heightened sensitivity right now :joy: I’ll never forget shower water being pleasurable.

I’m curious about Divine Diamond, but while I’m having sex with a girl at this point, I’m not sure she’s the one I want to experience that level of transcendence with and I’m not sure I’m interested in having sex with her as much right now.

So, I decided to consider Love Bomb. I remember I was weighing this decision while scrolling on YouTube this morning, not really thinking, just looking at thumbnails while musing, when the Love Bomb thumbnail caught my intention with a little bit of a shock.

I remember looking twice or thrice out of some disbelief. I haven’t even listened to it yet or looked it up, which was part of my surprise.

I’ve been asking my higher self for some direction on what to run for the next 3 month period, which I suppose would explain why I lost interest in mixing WB and HS. I think it would have been fantastic for me 4-5 months ago, but that’s not the stage of life I’m in.

So, the stack will likely be:

Heartsong x Love Bomb x Khan Black ST4.

I may get a custom of HS and Love Bomb in a month or so, so I can put Legacy of the Spartan, or Spartan itself back in play.

:slight_smile:

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#76

That, or bringing back Lineage into my stack, that is :slight_smile: TBD

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#77

I didn’t sleep much last night, got maybe 3 hours of sleep. I was playing my Terraria game on my phone and rationalized to myself that since I need so little sleep as it is, especially since starting KB, I would be fine.

I was actually right, surprisingly.

I’m in a fantastic mood today.

I came on here to note a strange, sexual/romantic dream. I wish I had journaled it as soon as I woke up but, the scene of note was:

I was being held by a black woman, I don’t remember if I knew her or not but she seemed familiar. When I say held, I mean she was picking me up. There was another woman next to us. They seemed to be inspecting me, scrutinizing almost.

I don’t recall the dialogue, but the one holding me seemed critical of me, like she was analyzing everything about me. There seemed to be an air of disapproval.

She kept coming to my groin area and it seemed almost like there was a grudging desire to go in my pants. The rest is foggy at this point, but I Believe she ‘gave in’ and started rubbing me.

Idk but my wake up boner was ferocious.

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#78

I got an upset text this morning from the woman I let give me head at my old apartments.

I haven’t heard from her since she flaked on retwisting my hair a couple of months back. Or rather, I left her on read after she flaked.

I was cleaning up my PSN friends account a couple of weeks back and saw she was on there, decided to message her and see if we could get a game session in or something. She didn’t respond in at last 4-5 days, so I took her off along with a couple of other people.

I’m one of those people that if we don’t talk, I fail to see the point of you being on my social media or even contact list on my phone. I’ve recently extended that to my PlayStation Network account.

Anyways, so she texted me saying “good morning Sage. I saw you unfriended me. What was the issue?”

I responded good morning and told her what I just said, namely that ‘I had sent her a message and she didn’t reply for several days - even though she had been online - , I figured she didn’t want to talk to me and took her off’.

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I definitely never saw a response on PSN lol.

I won’t be responding.

One, she didn’t get a text back cuz we had planned not one, but two different dates in the same week for my hair appointment. The first time, she hit me up shortly before it, talking about she was gonna have to reschedule cuz ‘work was doing mandatory overtime’ or some shit.

I was fine with that one, we rescheduled for Sunday. I told my parents I wouldn’t be going in to church as I was finally getting my hair did, which both of them respected.

My appointment time was at 3. I waited until my gut started pinging and hit her up at like 11, asking some question, probably about if I needed to bring product or something. She didn’t respond until a few hours later, saying she had gone out to the strip club, got trashed, got back around 6 am and was just now getting up.

:neutral_face:

“You couldn’t have, I don’t know, let me know at some point last night or anytime up until this morning?” I wanted to text.

Instead, I let silence speak.

For anyone who followed my previous journal, this is the one that sucked me off and I didn’t cum, wanted to be friends with benefits, told me I ‘could have a gf’ and keep fucking her, she was cool with it, etc.

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#79

I also got a text from the girl I used to mess with at the church, who I haven’t heard from in a couple of months and that studiously ignored me the last time I saw her, even when I went out of her way to say hi to her in an overtly loud way as she and her grandma were walking by.

I deleted her number like a month ago, cleaning out my contacts.

The text said “Hey didn’t see you at church today… Everything okay?”

I won’t be responding to this one, either.

Where I was going with sharing each of these is I feel as if Heartsong is at work. People are starting to come out of the woodwork, so to speak.

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#80

Just woke up from a nap with my youngest and saw she just texted ‘That lowkey hurts’. Still not responding.

I see the new Love Bomb Disc Thread is up, sweet :smiley:

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