I didn’t end up taking a nap yesterday.
I woke up today clear. Within an hour or so, the mental fatigue has returned. My intuitive sense told me yesterday that things will progress for me as they are until the next play day.
Since this post, I started to slowly feel more and more burdened mentally to the point that I could have fallen asleep in the passenger seat on the way to Utah. I never sleep on the way.
My driver always makes a certain stop on the way so the timing was off for me to do so. I noticed as I was getting out my body felt broken down. Stiff. Burdened.
However! After we got back on the road, I’ve only progressively seem improvements both mentally and physically with a certain buoyancy.
I’ll do my best for my own later introspection and for contributing to whatever version of ZP comes out of this preview to pay attention and journal things as they come.
I’ll only see more improvements in the separate bodies after I begin to actually work in about an hour. That’s how I am.
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The analogy/metaphor (I’m with you on what you said yesterday, @Palpatine, I can’t remember the difference betwixt those) that comes up of my current ZP experience is that I’m currently experiencing the deep, drawn ‘out’ process of the inhale. I’m currently going through the subjugation of the breath, and the exhale is soon to come
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I see the value of rest days with this new tech.
I’m thinking that it has taken me about …30 hours after loops to feel the smoothening.
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Since the ZP thread is acting up, maybe here is a less tumultuous thread to muse on.
Yeah, as I just posted on the Main Thread of ZP, I am feeling ZP’d. As I said somewhere over there, the pendulum has swung.
I don’t have words to describe my current experience, which hasn’t even fully bled to the emotional yet. But smooth, light, free…these come to mind.
Sage Immortal ZP…tomorrow…
I feel Chosen blossoming now (starting like…20 minutes ago)
Attending a Zoom conference for the trade institute I’ll be attending right now 
I’m sensing that wishes come true 
thank you, mein friend.
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10/04/21
Yesterday, I got into an argument with my Lyft driver. I don’t want to relive the experience so the purpose of this is to release the remnants of the experience and provide future me some reference.
The theme of it was he blamed me that he was unable to find my location and had to drive around to find me.
The entire situation would have been avoided had he read my pick up note saying to call me before he arrived, as Lyft’s navigation doesn’t pick up my work location. New construction.
He obviously didn’t, and though he was being unreasonable, I actually maintained myself well up until I had to run a ways in order to flag him from a main street.
He was parked on the side of the road a lazy stone’s toss from my work entrance
He had the audacity to see me walking up and, while still on the phone with me, say, “All I’m saying is you had better have a good tip for this bullshit, I’m a contractor, I don’t even work for Lyft. You wasting all my gas.”
I’ve come a long way. Two or three years ago, I would have cheerfully stalked up to his door, courteously opened up to pepper his face with knuckle patterns.
As I am now, I simply registered amazement at his boldness and said, “You’re the first driver I’ve ever had ask for a tip, EVER.” And hung up and hopped in.
Now. I’m a mixed guy in America. Black and native. He tells me as soon as I get in that he’s only willing to do this cuz he saw that I’m black. I was slightly offended for the rest of the not so pigmented parts of this plane, but let it roll. He then gave me a nice little speech about this and that, to which I said, “Uh huh. Yeah, sure. Oh, yeah? Wow okay well see now look…”
The last part is where I detect that I went out of character. The spiral began there. He wanted me to accept blame and shrug off any responsibility. I’m constantly working on my response-ability so there was no way that was going to happen.
Sage has a psychology where he feels that he has to prove that he’s not in the wrong, or that he is right, and Sage knows this. He’s working on it 
In fairness to me, when the guy said well that’s not on me a few times, my immediate response was, “This isn’t on you, or me, or anyone else. It simply is. I’m not trying to blame you. The issue is that LYFT doesn’t find this address, that’s it.”
He pulled over on the side of the road to cancel the ride after I said this a couple of times. I didn’t react emotionally but simply broke down the situation again, while we’re on the curb and allowed him to make the choice he wanted to (while avoiding allowing the violent/vandalizing fantasies of potent vengeance on his innocent car on my way out pass). He continued the ride.
It got to the point where I was eyeing the right side of his head wondering whether I was willing to carry a bit of karma for what I wanted to do.
Eventually, he said something about just dropping it, and I shrugged and said fine. I wasn’t really invested in the discussion anyways. He, as might expect saying something about dropping a topic that they started, continued afterwards for a bit, but the discussion and my part in it was dead.
It took over an hour after he dropped me off (and I gently slammed his door. Gently) to do inner work to observe the situation again and resolve the psychology that caused it. If I hadn’t been as mindful as I HAD been in the car, the entire time, it would have been longer.
The moral of the story. If you aren’t responsible for certain conditions, don’t allow conditions to cause belief in your fault, Sage.
P.S. I would have tipped him, as I usually tip other people nowadays because I myself love tips. However, all he received was a 1 star rating (my first ever), a detailed review of his flaws as a driver and hopefully, a catalyst to change his way of coming at people. I’m not 90% of people, which goes in his favor.
But the odds are not.
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for self-discipline and awareness!
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The edit is much appreciated. I didn’t feel good about allowing the ‘i’ word into there even before I did it.
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I should work to maintain equanimity in all things, more.
So, the ‘best friend’ (his term, not mine) that i mentioned in reference to my birthday is the same guy that I shared with the screenshot of him state he was wanting to start a business with me when we’re out of trade school. Simply to provide reference for…
I haven’t spoken to him or seen him in person since my birthday. We usually send memes to one another throughout the day. I haven’t sent him anything and until today, I didn’t respond in any way, not even a double tap to let him know I’d seen it. Well, besides to ask if he was in the Zoom Orientation Conference I attended. Then I left it at that.
Well, I decided there’s no harm in enjoying maymays so I visited our DM’s in order to view them. There were unequivocally hilarious and I saw no other recourse but to cheerfully assault my phone screen with stiffened thumb.
Of course, I had the sense he was waiting for such a thing and I was not disappointed. Two minutes later, this conversation happened:
As I was typing out my long response, I was feeling feelings basically begging me not to, that there would be some catastrophe, I’m not in the right, I’m just tripping, etc etc.
I like to think I’m a patient person with people in my life. And my birthday was simply the latest link into an unfortunate chain of events (‘series’ is spoken for and this post isn’t sponsored).
I also have been a bit too forgiving in my life with, for lack of better word, dead weight. So, when i saw he had texted me, my mind started rubbernecking betwixt the following options, very quickly.
Forgive and let him back in? Or, forgive and tell him how you feel?
The second one is more challenging, obviously. I had to prove to myself that I was up for the manifestation, and for him, to an extent, that I won’t tolerate inauthenticity. Regardless of excuses that can be made about humans of our emotions and how they run away from us in times of pressure, I don’t make excuses for my behavior and no one around me will be doing so, or else they simply will feel the unique signature of the absence of my presence.
To add more context to the botched threesome: the girl is my lady’s best friend and he and her had a thing, did the do a couple times before he moved on to novel pleasure (he ended up getting back with his ex a couple days later. He and the girl hooked up a couple days after they broke up. Fun stuff).
This hurt the girl cuz she genuinely liked/likes the guy and he as certain type of men do (or don’t) simply wasn’t honest with her up front. This in turn hurt my girl. This, through the butterfly effect, hurt my relationship with all three for a time, as I have genuine love for the chick, in a amorously above platonic manner.
So. Hopefully that gives context for his cock blocking.
Before I submitted the final message, I hesitated, wondering how he might receive it, if I would incur karma (thank God I didn’t pay attention to that part) and other silly (to me now) excuses. I finally had the thought that well, we shall see. And sent it while still in a storm of fear based emotion.
After I reread the message to make sure I would receive it well if sent to me, I turned my eye inside to observe my inner. The turbulence was temporary, but it did last for a bit.
As it stands now, I’m clear about it and have no regrets.
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