Definitely Buff ZP in action. No doubt 
.
+1
He’s not saying it but Buff ZP is his secret;)
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Nah nah don’t like, you took an injection of Buff ZP. I saw it with my own eyes!
A couple days into my washout and I’m still sleepy and feeling a little down/unproductive.
I’d assume this is the healing from LBfH and recon.
To be honest, I’ve been looking into Chosen from Within (that’s the title right?). I’m kind of craving the healing however I’m also working on that app which makes me self employed and the way I’ve been feeling the past week has been off already. It’s affecting my work a lot.
Like I said, I’ve been sleeping a lot. Broken sleep until today where I had a solid 8ish hours. So im napping throughout the day and it’s limiting my time to go live (I have to go live a few hours a day).
I’ve felt super unproductive and shii too. I haven’t wanted to go live, I didn’t even want to work at all (I actually enjoy this job…)
Clearly I’m healing already and I’m sure the outcome will be worth it but right now man it feels crappy.
I know for a fact I haven’t loved myself as much as I should have.
I’ve been an insecure, judgemental (of myself and sometimes others - in dance, not necessarily life), comparing person.
I crave this love everyone else seems to have for life, where they’re popular (the thing is people do love me, I’m a great f’ person), they’re loved, people find them attractive and they find themselves attractive, they go out and have fun and all this other stuff.
I crave that.
Ever since August last year that has been my journey. To find that love myself. To work on myself concept. I feel like this is what LBfH is working on healing right now.
I’ve been trying to work on my self love.
Let’s see how the washout continues to affect me.
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have you thought that maybe, just maybe, you’re too focused on it?
which is why you might feel like you’re not reaching the goal no matter how much you chase it?
and wise Invictus flies away 
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Please wise Invictus save the planet earth from global warming 
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This is a possibility.
The funny thing is one of the people I compared myself to was you and I even had that thought when I wrote this.
However, I don’t understand how I reach being at a self concept where I know I’m good enough and all that I want to feel and be, without chasing it. Does that make sense?
Also just remembered I need to reply to your VM. 
This is a tricky one because it’s easy to fall into the “not loving myself enough” criticisms which are the antithesis of self love.
When you think of that craving for love. What’s the underlying emotion fueling that craving in yourself? A lot of the time when we crave something that strongly it means there’s something that isn’t getting fulfilled in us.
Idk if this is something but…
I think it’s because I’ve never had a sexual relationship with someone. Me and my ex loved each other but I wasn’t sexually interested, so we were pretty much just best friends. I’ve barely had sex, felt loved by people or whatever else. I still consider myself a virgin because whilst me and my ex did do it once or twice it didn’t feel like it should have….
For a lot of you guys this isn’t a big thing in terms of losing your virginity. For me, it is. I want it to be with someone I love and loves me in return, and that I can be sexual with. He was also the only guy I’ve ever been with. I had girlfriends during my ‘am I gay’ phase, but yeah…that didn’t lead to anywhere obviously. I still consider myself open but know I prefer men.
That’s what I feel like I’m missing and I’ve strived for. That’s why manifesting that guy was/is so important for me. I didn’t ‘love him’ just the idea of him, and still want him. I want someone to love me. I see people in relationships and I’m like why haven’t I had that? Why haven’t I done something as simple as having sex?
Stuff like that is a big thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done my kink but it’s been with mostly straight guys, or guys questioning their sexuality - including the guy I wanted. I’ve not really done the typical sexual stuff.
That’s what I’m missing. So I feel like I have to fulfil that love myself but obviously, I love myself the same way someone else can at the same time. I can and I can’t.
Ugh, so frustrating.
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Still in my washout. I’m feeling a lot better than I was. Unsure whether to start LBfH again tonight or not. Gonna be doing it twice a week and my custom once a week.
I’m also unsure as to whether to do Rebirth or Heartsong (just based on what I literally just wrote).
Rebirth so I can destroy the hurt and everything that’s left behind.
Heartsong so I could move forward.
Hmmm.
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If anyone has thoughts or whatever, you’re more than welcome to drop them down. I wanna make this journal more interactive and suggestions are completely welcome.
I would keep running LBfH instead of running Rebirth + Heartsong. It contains exactly the kind of healing you need… and we all do.
Why do you run your custom once per week only?
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I didn’t mean running both Rebirth + Heartsong, I meant adding one of those to my stack. I don’t think I’m dropping LBfH anytime soon.
I feel how heavy it is after every listen and it’s one of the reasons I’ve been unproductive and felt so sleepy. It’s got 4 cores in it due to it being an upgrade, even if they are lighter than say Emp/Khan etc.
Stark, Inner Circle, PCC & Godlike Masculinity.
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Oh, I see there are a lot of subs going on around and maybe the only thing you need to do is to rebuild your custom. Mind that Stark contains some elements of IC and PCC and it seems to me that LBfH is geared towards some similar goals of those two subs as well.
I’m gonna see how my plan of once a week for my custom goes, if I can do two then I’ll go with two but we’ll see. LBfH will probably be twice a week. I ended up running it last night whilst I was asleep for a loop.
Won’t run anything else for now.
That does sound incredibly frustrating. I’m intuiting from your post so I can be 100% off base here. But do you think maybe there’s deeper fears inside of you that cause you to avoid that level of intimacy? It does seem like there’s a part of you that really wants this, but it hasn’t manifested in your life which can point to another part actively resisting the idea of it.
Oh it’s frustrating to say the least haha.
Yeah, there is. I’ve always considered myself stupid compared to others, and whilst I know it’s a learning process I don’t know what I’d do in the situation if it were to happen. Like, tf happens during that? (That’s a rhetorical question). Others just seem to know where as I don’t, and it seems like common sense apparently but I couldn’t have the slightest clue besides the somewhat obvious.
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Intuitively I think our bodies know what to do, it’s the overthinking that gets in the way. Having said that I think for some of us we need a level of safety and understanding from the other person to get into that headspace. Anyone worthwhile in your life you meet would work with you to get those needs met at a pace comfortable to you. Anything other than that they aren’t worth the time.
This is very very true to be honest.
I didn’t think of it like that, and of course I didn’t because I’m overthinking it.
Super powerful and it’s exactly why I’m looking for someone worth while and wanting a relationship with someone. Our culture, especially gay culture, seems to be hook up culture and I do not want that. That isn’t love. That’s just sex. I want more than that with someone. I want someone worth while.
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Seems pretty clear to me 
Btw I really loved reading your last post and from personal experience, theres nothing better than being in love with someone worth while… You are worthy of that and nothing less… Love, True Love.