Wow, I really have to say this is how I’ve felt since December. I believe I was 2 months into listening to SubClub. I really resonate with this @Brandon 
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I actually ended up disabling my instagram account for many reasons but this one a huge factor for it. I didn’t end up starting on Tiktok because it’s there also. Social media is just vile.
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I agree. I think it turns us molds us into a competitor of life. I was never the type of person to compete, or be jealous or envious of others, and I felt like the atmosphere of Social media feels reall unorganic to true purpose of socializing.
It just feels kind of weird
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100% agree with you on this.
I’m glad to have removed myself from that. I tried to come off instagram a while ago and always went back. Don’t think I’ve been on for about 3 weeks or so. I don’t even want to go back. Only thing that sucks is a lot of friends are on there but who cares? People have my number anyway.
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Bringing my journal back to life for a bit. No idea how long it’ll come up and stay up.
Anyway…
Started streaming again which is funny ‘cause I started it on here and was the reason I chose Stark. So…I’m back where I started, with my favourite ever sub in use.
Goal: Become well known, loved, WANTED, and R.I.C.H 
! On the app, and preferably off too. I won’t go into specifics because those are the actual details but yeah.
If you haven’t guessed from the specifics I’m using:
STARK ZP / WANTED ZP / R.I.C.H ZP
We’ll see how it goes.
I used WANTED and R.I.C.H this morning and felt drained - I forgot how draining WANTED felt, but I’m excited for the results from it. Especially the physical shifting which will help make me more attractive for my streaming and get into even better shape whilst being chill and all.
R.I.C.H is definitely a necessity. I need to be gifted on the app to hit targets so hopefully R.I.C.H can manifest that happening as well as in real life too.
STARK is obviously for the fame aspect. STARK Q helped me so much with streaming alone that it was making me one of the top streamers in the UK before - I hope for it to go the same way this time but hopefully better. Let’s see how I gel with all these.
Also…
I did use Paragon on Friday… I was so ill and in such pain. I had stomach cramps and headaches which were downright terrible. Paragon helped me, I believe, be sick the day I used it and helped me sweat it out to the point that by Saturday morning I was 80%+ better. I only used one loop and recovered pretty quickly compared to the norm. No more headaches as of current but still slight stomach pains today.
I stopped vaping on Friday too. Hopefully I stick with that also.
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How are you now?
Funnily enough when I read this I had a stomach cramp haha & I still get slight stomach pains right now. I think part of it is because I went on a restrictive plan a couple weeks ago (I tried to make it moderate but 
) and then binged and my stomach is hating me for it.
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I listened to WANTED & R.I.C.H this morning.
WANTED makes me feel attractive. Not alwaya when I look at myself because of focusing on certain aspects but it definitely makes me feel attractive.
I was wondering how the masculinity in WANTED is for those that have ran it. I haven’t kept up on journals and stuff whilst I’ve been away but masculinity is something I want out of WANTED for sure. I like to be “masc” even tho I’d consider myself a mix between the two.
Anyway, each time I’ve ran R.I.C.H I’ve been ‘gifted’ by people in my streams. The more gifts I get the more I can hit a higher target and get paid more. The first day I ran it I got gifted 10k gifts in the one day (not monetary value, just the system value), today I’ve been on stream once and that just ended like 15 minutes ago and got gifted 1.5k (it’s the only time I’ve been on all day) by mostly random people in my live. I actually got another 200 before that too (had to cut my first stream off).
So R.I.C.H is doing its job. I’m excited to try the new version as I always play them early so I’ve missed the new Stark and R.I.C.H refresh.
But yeah, just an update or so.
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Brandon, I hope you are using the updated RICH.
I know you saw SaintSovereign’s post but just a friendly reminder.
By the gifts you are getting, am guessing you are using it.
I’m not yet, I used the original ZP the day the new version got released but a few hours beforehand. 
Same happened with Stark ZP too 
I’ve used the new Stark ZP today, excited to use the new R.I.C.H on Wednesday!
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Haha am excited for ya!
Feeling lazy af.
So unproductive. I don’t want to eat healthy (and haven’t been), nor have I been productive at getting work done - even though I love what I do currently.
I feel like WANTED definitely is making me a little too chill.
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Decided to stop WANTED.
I’ve consistently had an issue with WANTED ZP and me gelling, and I always feel super unproductive on it. I’m also aware that this is recon but looking at things I’m also aware enough that this isn’t the title I want to be using right now for my goals.
So, I decided to replace it with Love Bomb instead. I could do with feeling a little more love and happiness in life, especially as manifesting is still part of my agenda. I remember Saint saying that this title could be use for manifesting (even though I’ve obviously dropped Minds Eye for now - I also haven’t used AsC in a while so maybe I’ll use that on my next Stark day).
Anyhow, I’m currently listening to Love Bomb ZP and instantly I feel at ease and calm. I feel like any stress or worries I’m having are falling away which is great right now as I was definitely tense af.
Writing the reasons I’m using my stack for me.
LOVE BOMB
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Become LOVE. Literally that simple. Become loved by everyone and also show love to people. I really want to use this to help benefit me in regards to people loving me so much they give me opportunities/wanna work with me, etc.
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Use this title to get more gifts and become more loved on the streaming platform I’m currently working on. I genuinely feel like R.I.C.H and Stark are definitely aiding towards this but I know that Love Bomb will push this even further and give me that magic that I want. I’m pretty sure I said I need to be ‘gifted’ on this app to hit certain targets to make more money (kind of like TWITCH where people get subs and stuff, but people don’t sub to me) and I want Love Bomb to work in this regard. I want it to get people to truly fall in love with me, my personality and my streams so I can benefit from it.
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I want to use it for manifestation. I truly believe the power of love is an underrated power and if you work upon yourself and fall in love with yourself (something CFW could do for you but I didn’t want the possible recon) and treat yourself the best, as you should, you’ll manifest more. The power of love is truly earth breaking in my opinion.
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I want to continue to use this to work on myself concept, which links with what I just mentioned about falling in love with myself. I want to fall in love with myself, my friends, my streams, etc. If I love everything then isn’t life amazing? I’m not saying I won’t have my bad times BUT I’ll be less streamed about them for sure.
STARK:
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It’s simple. Become famous on the app, get more gifts, become well known and become an incredible streamer. I want people to know my name for everything I do in regards to streaming and dance.
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I want to be charamastic, magnetic, fun, social, the life and soul of the party, the hype guy, etc. Stark is perfect for this. I feel like I’ve embodied a lot of Stark due to it being my most consistent title but I want to continue to build upon this for sure.
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I feel like Stark and Love Bomb kind of go hand in hand. You become popular, people love you, you’re famous for what you do, you’re enjoying what you do, you’re creative etc. I want all of that, which again links with my second point. I truly want to be the one people love to be around, happy with, loved, etc.
R.I.C.H:
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This is pretty obvious. I want to manifest money. I want to be RICH. Ridiculously R.I.C.H. I want money to flow to me, I want opportunities for making money to flow to me, all of that.
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Links with Stark & Love Bomb but I believe this title will aid in people gifting me more. I’ve already seen it happen when I’ve used R.I.C.H and I made a bunch towards target. I want that to continue and continue.
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I didn’t even think about this until just and I can’t remember but I’m pretty sure I ran Love Bomb two days ago?
But regardless, my ex sent me this text yesterday.
I can’t believe I just thought this was ‘the norm’ but it’s actually a manifestation of Love Bomb for sure.
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haha. Great stuff, B! I was just wondering about you myself today so I found your journal.
Looking ripped man!
Thanks for thinkin’ of me dude! Back to journal and stuff a little.
Cheers dude! This was taken a couple weeks ago before I got ill, just got back into working out three days ago so hopefully I’ll be ripped, if not better, again soon.
Appreciate the love my man!
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I feel like I’m going through recon with Love Bomb.
How do I feel?
Well this is how I went to bed last night and how I woke up this morning.
Like people don’t love me. For the past few years I’ve been saying to myself ‘everyone loves me - as they should’ or variations of that because I believe that to be true but then on the other hand I’ll say to people automatically ‘why do you hate me?’ Even if it’s a joke. Two parts of the same coin. So which one is really winning? The ‘everyone loves me’ or ‘you hate me’ part of the coin? And I believe Love Bomb is trying to reconcile that negative part.
Even though I’ve used it once in ZP I’ve felt the love moments in Love Bomb. I’ve felt the parts where I’m like ‘yeah, I’m a fucking badass and I love myself’ AS I SHOULD, and so should everyone else.
But deep down, truly deep down, I’ve always had a hatred for myself.
It started from being young. Realising I was different to others, liking what I like, having a lisp that I was bullied for - something I actually barely remember I have, being gay which was a HUGE hatred for myself until I was 22 and grew into learning to love myself. I’m 30 this month and that’s only 8 years ago that I really started to accept myself and become proud of me. That isn’t that long.
On the other side that’s 22 years of learning to hate myself continually. It’s about time I truly love myself. Fully. Fully accepting myself for who I am. I promise you I’m a long way away from the person I was at 22 but I’m also a long way away from the person I want to be, but not for long. I will get there.
I’ve always felt like people wouldn’t love me because of several things such as kinks etc. I’m somewhat needy when I fall for someone, I mean who isn’t when they’re truly in love? You want the attention of the person you like, right? Well, this has turned guys off.
I’ve been in one relationship in my life that was serious. I didn’t love myself so how the fuck could I love someone else? What the f*ck? Have I ever truly been loving myself? Is that why I had always turned guys away or been ghosted or whatever? Well, that stops now. I fucking deserve to be loved and better still, I deserve to love me. Entirely.
I’m done feeling like that, like I’m not good enough for other people, for myself. I deserve love. I have a lot of love to give and I deserve it in return, 10 fold. If not more.
I could probably write more but I’m sure you’ve got the point & I’m aware this is probably waffle central but I just had to let the thoughts come out as they came without too much edit. Which is most of my points anyway.
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Still getting some random ass recon. Taking a wash out now since the last time I played subs was Monday I think.
Everything has just felt weird as f.
When I come back to it I’m gonna start running all my subs at 3 minutes I think.
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So…
A friend of mine died a couple days and I only found out yesterday as he lived in the US and was in a coma which I had no idea about. It’s hit me hella hard, and continues to, and has shown me what true love really is. He was literally just a friend but the connection we had in such a short period of time is unlike some other friendships I’ve had.
Yesterday was hella rough for real but I really believe it allowed Love Bomb to shine which made it easier. I felt utter love between me and him. It showed me how magical our relationship was. It made me reminisce upon our memories. Whilst I’m still in utter disbelief that he’s gone, the love I have for this guy is unmeasurable. Especially for someone I’ve known for a such short period of time.
He was a streamer on the app I work on and he was just such a loveable guy who knew exactly what he wanted. He was changing the game for real. Always had time for me, always gave me tips on how to get better - in life and on the app, spoke to me on and off the app and made sure I was good. Always gave me what I needed and treated me like a brother. Showed me the love I deserved.
I broke down on stream yesterday (I wasn’t gonna do it but I knew he’d kick my ass if I didn’t do the work I was supposed to) when someone gifted me. That’s when Love Bomb really kicked in. The amount of support and love I had from my family on the app, and friends was just beyond anything I could have asked for. I had a great stream, I got to talk about my friend who is my absolute inspiration and role model. I got to continue what he would have wanted me to do and I’m incredibly grateful I got that moment and was able to share it with so many people, those who knew of him (he was popular) and those that didn’t get to meet him.
(I’m aware that this is more about the death of my friend, but I really do believe Love Bomb had some shining moments during this time period.)
To my brother, R.I.P man. Till we meet again you shining star. 
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Ran 3 minutes of Love Bomb & R.I.C.H last night. The load definitely felt a lot less than running 15 (obviously) and no recon found. Already been gifted 1k gifts on the app towards my target. Lets goo.
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