My 12th birthday was at an indoor roller skating rink!!
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Holy shit. That’s a long time ago 
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Probably a christian dark age
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So my new Reiki client is coming again next week and also booked sessions for her 2 daughters as well.
Lovely 
Thank you Mogul.
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Wait’ll it gets the NWE love 
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Was thinking aboot that earlier on the toilet.
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Day 14 ~ Seductress & HS 3min. loops
Taught a tender heart yin class today. Felt confident with teaching my flow.
A 500 hour teacher joined today and gave me the following compliment:
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Day 15 ~ ReST
Had a dream of my ex fiancé. He wanted me and pursued me.
Rewind to 2020 when I called off our wedding because I felt like he didn’t want me the same way I wanted him. I thought I was doing him a favour. Doing what he was afraid to do.
It appears we had an anxious fearful avoidant relationship in ways.
It’s not easy seeing him weekly when he picks up our daughter. He looks good. I hate that a part of me still wants him. Still loves him. Still fantasizes about what would happen if he walked thru my doors saying all the things I want to hear. What would happen then?
The dreams about him play out this fantasy.
I’m different now.
This one guy from my past keeps trying to talk. Calling me pet names.
Another guy messaged me asking to cuddle.
A friend asked when we’re going on a date.
I finally got in for a hair appointment with my friend today. It was lovely to see her. She vented about her life and I shared some wisdom.
I’m noticing some worrying and OCD patterns coming up. More easily redirecting myself but I’m looking at what’s underneath it.
Accepting rather than resisting.
Edit: new hair 
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Day 16 ~ Mogul 3mins.
Accidentally put seductress on for a few seconds prior to Mogul. Mixed up my days. 
I had so many processing dreams with minimal recall throughout the night. A big part of it was related to me as a mom of a teenage boy. This journey hasn’t been the easiest. He was the boy who made me a mom for the first time. I wasn’t ready. I chose to have him while I was doing a lot of inner child healing myself, while studying to become a child and youth worker & worked privately with clients and had a pizza management job. I was doing the music and writing thing. I modelled a bit. I had big goals. A big vision.
I also took on life like a race, not fully enjoying the journey.
My son was a blessing yet also someone I resented. It wasn’t easy to admit that. Accepting and acknowledging that has been very important for me on this journey.
I had a lot of unprocessed anger due to the fact that I didn’t get to do the things I planned on doing because I chose to become a mom at 22.
I’m becoming more compassionate towards myself and my boy. I see where I get scared for the future of him growing up because the way I grew up and the things I was exposed to around me. Suicides, homicides, fatal diseases, overdoses, tragic accidents, fights, addictions, suffering and pain.
Being such a highly sensitive intuitive “earth angel” hasn’t always been the easiest for me. I realize that I chose to incarnate at a very specific astrological time to fulfill this role helping mankind evolve. Saying that to most would usually have people being very concerned thinking I’m crazy delusional or narcissistic, but I am speaking from my heart.
I was a rainbow baby. I chose to come 3 weeks early. I was the only planned baby according to my mom.
I’ve always been very protective of the less fortunate ones (including myself.) It doesn’t have to be a curse anymore. It can be a blessing.
I’m not sure why I am having so much heart and deep soul level healing with this stack or if it’s an accumulation of my whole subliminal journey paired with all the actions I have taken and continue to take, but I appreciate it nonetheless.
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Day 19~ rEsT dAY
Where did the time go?! Holy heck.
Todays vibes fit well with this album playlist:
Going to see them play this album in its entirety at a venue in Detroit soon. Feeling super excited about that. This album basically saved my life in 2014. I saw them play this album at the same venue back then too.
Detroit brings the ruckus almost as good as my hometown city across the pond! 
I can’t help but feel like a total bad ass when I have this music on.
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I’ve been dreaming like crazy. Playing out many things that needed addressing.
I’m not exhausted. My head feels a lot clearer.
My brief waves of recon suck though. I tend to feel bothered by myself and others think they are a bother to me.
Lots of poverty thinking surfacing to heal.
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Day 20 ~ MoGuL 3mins.
Another night of dreaming lots and waking lots but not exhausted today.
I just got on the drums playing and singing “we’re not gonna take it anymore!”
Maybe I need to bring back Ultimate Artist next stack with Seductress and Mogul. Maybe HS is too crazy for me at this point. 
or maybe it’s exactly what I need. Dunno yet.
Wash out begins tomorrow.
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A friend of mine just asked to pay for snuggles. They’ve been pretty persistent lately asking for snuggles since I started this stack. 
I keep saying noooooo way!
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Day 21 ~ wAsH oUT hAS BeGuN ~
I had a thought that this wash out will be really good for me to become more clear on wtf I am doing.
This stack had me welcoming my ex back into my life without sexual activity. Yesterday I drew a line in the sand with truly honouring my boundaries. I won’t allow a man to tell me that I am not happy or that I am trying to seek my happiness in another. Planting toxic seeds all around me because of his own deeply rooted insecurities. I see where I allowed toxicity thinking I could witness big changes and transformation.
Being a catalyst on someone’s journey may start to truly kick start once we step back and go no contact. Maybe they come back one day healed or they go off and find a new supply. 
It is not easy to let this go.
Why have I allowed this? Why have I attracted this?
Why am I having such a hard time letting him go completely?
I see underneath the trauma with compassion but I can’t enable this anymore.
I thought it would be different.
It seems that he presented in a way that would hook me in again and then started going back to his old ways.
Subtle jabs at me. Not so subtle jabs.
Appearing in my dreams with joy killing thoughts.
It went too far last night. Plain and simple.
I am acknowledging that I stayed true to myself with maintaining abstinence throughout this experience of reconnection. That’s progress.
I will continue going inward getting completely honest and focusing on what’s most important. Clear away what isn’t serving me.
I’m contemplating listening to Seductress solo for a cycle or pairing it with UA. I bet that would go well.
Edit: I do see how True Sell would go well with Seductress & UA too.
The world diplomatic / diplomacy stood out to me from the sale page.
why do u wanna run seductress after stating you wanna be abstinent?
Great question. The art of seduction can be used in a multitude of ways. I am also consciously guiding this title for my self concept, esteem, confidence as a woman, business and fitness lifestyle goals. There are many other objectives other than seduction for sex with Seductress. Sexual energy is sacred. I want to share it with my divine counterpart.
I feel more powerful abstaining from casual sex right now.
I want to use that energy with my future life partner.
Empire build. Power couple.
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Im gonna throw my two sticks into the fire here : )
Did you consider that he might be right and youre on the defense? This sounds like a valid and honest observation from someone outside. Its good food for thought even though it might sound bad at first. There is potential growth there if hes right.
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If you saw the whole context of the conversation with him you may understand this a bit differently.
I feel that he is projecting a lot onto me with his own insecurities. I wish him well either way.
I will keep working on my self concept tho.
Happiness is an inside job after all. No one can give us what we don’t already have inside of us.
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Exactly, you were there, in the moment and saw and felt what you felt. Which is his toxic behaviour. Even if he is right, the way he communicated with you that wasn’t right. You do you.
How does that seem like a valid and honest observation? You weren’t there, how can you judge if it was valid or honest?
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Yep. I also woke up to about 100 text messages from him after he stated he was blocking me.
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