thatās a lot of inner work youāve done there!
currently, my stack is HeO + anything that my intuition tells me to play, now itās WB.
I also added Mogul into it because of the hype 
my goal mainly is to be better at my craft. everything else is nice to have, but Iām fine without them.
to that, HeO fits who i am and what i want to be perfectly. i love how much fulfilment this sub adds into my life
Todays event went spectacular.
I made so many connections & experienced doing reiki first time in public!
I wasnāt nervous like I once would have been. People were watching from a distance. No biggy.
I shared my table with a friend whose part of the mushroom coffee biz. I swear I manifested so many peeps to buy the boxes rather than the singles of the coffee. Cool 
Lots of smiles. Lots of engagements. Conversations.
Feeing myself become more comfortable with business networkingā¦ 
Edit: the woman at the table beside ours (who came a bit later after speaking) said that she saw pink light above my crown.
Day 18 ~ rEsT dAy
Today sort of sucked. 
I didnāt want to teach private yoga. I wanted to just effing be. I managed to get through it with success.
Happy satisfied client.
Lately I have been checking out peoples content lay out. Their websites. Offerings. Packages. Pricing. Programs. Etc.
Iāve noticed my ex narc still occupies some vacancy in my emotional and mental field but itās improving.
Not much else to say other than I know stuff is processing within and good things are coming.
This is the way.
Went for a drive to get some of my fav food. Soooo nourishing and the atmosphere rocked!
Shifted myself out of the recon abyss. 
A couple things to point out since listening to Stark yesterday full loop. I see the synergy with seductress & stark working very wonderfully.
I shared my table with a friend whose high rank with the mushroom coffee business I am a part of. She was talking to potential customers and while she was speaking I had these thoughts of better things to say. I felt smarter in a sense and sheās a pharmacist/functional medicine practitioner. Sheās a very highly educated and well respected woman in the health and wellness industry.
I felt status. I felt wise. I felt confident. I felt like I knew wtf I was talking about.
I came up with things to say to convince people who were hesitant about the caffeine. I explained how the adaptogens in the mushrooms counterbalanced the caffeine effects and all this other stuff. I forget exactly how I said it, but it just came out perfectly.
Things Iāve researched past couple years sprung to the forefront at the perfect time.
Today I noticed my internet bill was higher than usual. Itās supposed to be the same price for 2 years under a promotion. I got on the phone with them immediately. They said some stuff about how they notified me on a previous bill and said something about pricing going up with the economy or whatever. I made it clear that I didnāt sign up for a 2 year promo with the possibility of pricing increasing. How that was never mentioned when I signed up for this āpromo.ā GTFO!
I ended up getting myself another discount for $10 less per month.
I also made a suggestion for how to better run things before they lose customers to their competitors!
I was pretty bold and intense. Felt really powerful. I knew Iād get what I wanted.
Day 19 ~ sEdUcTrEsS full loop 
As I listened I had memories pour through from a time (2016) when I chased after boys not men. I had desperate needy energy.
Many times I would be too much in my masculine trying to attract my mate.
Iāve become much better at softening into the feminine goddess energy. It doesnāt mean I am weak. I find that to be great strength.
Iām becoming more attractive as I believe in myself more and more.
My ex fiancĆ© was in my dreams again. Heās really attractive to me lately. I feel so turned on by his role as a hard working man and dedicated father. I notice how I naturally soften around him, but feel sort of uncomfortable awkward and frustrated in his presence because he doesnāt show any physical interest in me at the moment. He was heartbroken by me. I left him. He has had a hard time trusting me ever since.
We would probably be perfect together. I wonāt push it on him though.
I do fantasize a lot about us though. 
LME win ~
My son was likeā¦.
I need a haircutā¦ as we were about to head to his first chiropractor appointment in yearsā¦
I decided to see if this one nearby barbershop had online bookingā¦.
Just recently they got it!
Looked at the barbers available todayā¦
The one female barber looked perfect!
She had a spot available right after his appointment was completed. Perfect timing.
He got the perfect cut and he was so happyā¦
He usually hates his haircuts.
Edit: even got him some new shoes cuz why not. Thatās what good mamas are for? Lol 
Day 20 ~ rEsT dAy
Holy dreams Batman!!!
Shits weird.
Had a productive beginning to my day doing some body movement. Breathing. Mushroom coffee. Oracle card reading.
Brought my son to an appointment and off to school. We had a bit of an argument but worked through it. Iām becoming less of a screamer with him and toning it down. Sometimes itās not so easy to keep it cool and neutral. I have to remind myself that his brain isnāt fully developed yet and he has high functioning autism/adhd. He doesnāt do this stuff on purpose. Sometimes I think he just doesnāt care.
He asks me what heās doing wrong. He must really not understand the issues here. Iāve gotta work on better communication with him. We will get there. 
work in progressā¦ Iām aware and accepting my shit.
I made 2 YouTube shorts, a reel for IG / Facebook and did a live video on Facebook too.
Really consciously shifting my garbage assumptions.
Canāt believe I have 1 more day left of this 21 day cycle.
Wow 
Iām sitting here contemplating my existence & true purpose for life. What truly lights me up.
Whatās the point of my existence ā¦ ???
Almost feels like Iāve time warped back to the beginning of my subliminal journey.
Tomorrows my last day before wash outā¦
Looking forward to a little pause.
Day 21 ~ full loops of Stark & LME
Washout begins tomorrow. Not sure whatās happening with my stack going forward.
I dreamed of my ex fiancĆ© quite a bit last night. I also woke up in sleepy state fantasizing about him. It felt like it was real. He was right there pressed against me and it went very sexual and erotic. I keep having flashbacks of the good times. When I see him in the physical I retreat and donāt like that. My voice softens and I feel this desire to submit to him or something. This is new for me. Itās like a follow his lead type thing. Except he isnāt taking any action towards us trying again. Maybe itās a dead horse.
I donāt enjoy oneitis as @Palpatine puts it.
I donāt wanna be limiting myself in the area of finding my life partner. Power couple duo.
I just canāt seem to shake these feelings and thoughts for him.
I want to be pursued not be the pursuer. I felt I was the pursuer a lot with him. 
Dunno.
Edit:
Iām noticing some things stirring up with LME. Noticing this fear of when my kids getting older if they will be successful. Will I have done my job right in the sense of teaching them how to become independent, self sufficient, able to self advocate, take good care of themselves, go after their dreams and use interdependence rather than get into trauma bonds /co dependency. I see how my upbringing impacted my growth and development but I also went into foster care at 14, living border city with Detroit. It was a culture shock to say the least.
My triumphs and troubles helped make me who I am today. I just donāt want my kids to struggle the way myself and my peers did.
I do see I am missing working with children and youth with this sub. I have a 3 year college advanced diploma in Child and Youth Work. I worked in childcare, public schools and child protective services. Iām not sure where Iāll take this going forward. I notice I am watching career driven people vs entrepreneurs. I am in the entrepreneur world for just over a year now. Iām super contemplative. Iāll sit with this. I dreamed of being a speaker and author sharing my story and what helped me. Turning my experiences into something artistic. I pictured a movie or tv series. Books. Music.
I was a songwriter and musician for many years but with kids I sort of brushed it aside. I still play sometimes but definitely isnāt the same.
Maybe Iāve gotta get myself more involved in the community even as a volunteer or something. Take some actions towards my big fat wild dreams.
I was going to take Communication Studies at the university nearby when I was 20, but chickened out. It felt very overwhelming having so many ideas and dreams. A big giant vision. Iām now 36 and what have I made of myself so far? Iāve gotta look more at my accomplishments and not just my so called failures.
Back to LME though, I really do appreciate the fact that I am acknowledging my fears about my kids growing up. Making sure Iāve done right by them. Also questioning what is healthy dependency when they are adults. Adults and all people of any age/stage have developmental and chronological age. What if they have actual developmental delays and need your support long past the societal standards?
My ex fiancĆ© still has a lot of support from his parents but is also super responsible and skillful in other ways. I observe his family and sometimes see how I may have to be that way with my oldest. I see some resemblance between my ex and my teenager. I think my ex is on the spectrum very high functioning. His cousin was diagnosed with Aspergerās when that was in the DSM many years back. Itās in my family too. I believe I probably fall somewhere on the spectrum but lucked out getting the supports I needed in high school.
Okay, rant over.
Iād love to see you write content for children I can see you being very successful with this. You are an a amazing writer. Iād have to agree with oneitis however it is great to look at what you love about your ex and what did t work for you both. This may help you start in a new place with him or find someone who better suits your new self concept.
Iāve discovered that I go into partial freeze mode to protect my reputation and identity around my ex & his family because of what happened end of 2020/2021. Moments of vulnerability were used against me in family law court.
It took everything in me not to attack. Not to fight. Not to run away.
It was the most challenging thing Iāve ever endured.
Even tho time has passed I am still waiting for a court date to revise our court order. I want primary residence for our daughter. I want her majority and he can see her anytime. Ideally I want us to heal the trauma and work our stuff out.
Iām not forcing anything anymore. Not pushing.
Having this greater awareness will help me even more with healing and releasing so things can come back into harmony.
LME you son of a gun lol
Wash out has begun! So ready for this Curious if Stark will be upgraded soon? Seductress Dark coming soon maybe?
I see myself wanting to really tap into my bigger type c goals. Iāve always wanted to write books and be a speaker/presenter sharing my life experiences and words of wisdom/empowerment. My mom told me I am very smart yesterday and that I just got smarter and smarter over the years. She reminded me how I always wanted to be a writer and give speeches. To be a teacher too. Which I already did working in schools for over a decade. I teach now in a different way. Through my experiences.
My dreams were crazy last night. There was an eagle hiding in the back room of a place I was staying. It seemed like a village or some form of commune living. An old male friend of mine was there. His gf was upset he was my friend and she didnāt know. This has some truth to it from a real life situation long ago. Must be some sort of healing.
There was a lot of symbolism.
Felt frustrated when I woke up because I just wanted a little time for myself to do yoga and have mushroom coffee. Do my journaling and oracle reading. The youngest was like hell naw. Times like this is her dad was here they could just cuddle while I do my thing. Oh well.
Yesterday was my 10 year olds parent teacher interview. I havenāt been to any of them because I was always working doing interviews at whatever school I was at. Her teacher spoke about yoga and mindfulness. Mental health and well-being. She shared how my daughter dissociates sometimes during lessons and we got into a talk about trauma. She goes into freeze mode. She also gets bored easily. Sheās very much artistic and creative. Doesnāt fit in a box or category. Doesnāt enjoy being stuck at a desk for long periods of time.
It was a very positive experience. My daughter has great teachers. Same with my other 2 kids but I didnāt go to their interviews. I met with my sons teacher already and my other daughters.
Stop wanting. Just do it. I know the feeling ā my entire college education is in writing and it took me forever to actually do something with the knowledge simply because I had imposter syndrome. I fought through it, managed to spin that education into a lucrative marketing and product development career. Once I left the corporate world, I mixed that knowledge with my writing skills and focus on self-development and spirituality ā and now we have Subliminal Club.
I do still play with the idea of writing novels and the such. Even debating releasing my favorite screenplay I wrote here, since itās very relevant to what I do now. Just gotta do it.
š„¹š„¹š„¹
Thanks for that.
Youāre an inspiration!
Everything chaotic resolved very quickly in my home today with the kids.
I sat here thinking āof course Iāve got this.ā
I started remembering all the work Iāve done along the way from quite a young age in this life time. I feel lucky and blessed for all the early exposure I had.
I started reaffirming the personal development journey Iāve been on since 14 being the youngest in a teen mentor program. I had to sign a contract and work my butt off to move on my own independently at 17! I saved up money fast. Bought my first car with cash. I always seemed to figure stuff out. Even in the midst of chaos and sometimes extreme danger. I calmed storms. I created storms.
People always called me ambitious and an inspiration. People learned from me. Iāve been called an encyclopedia many times. Iāve been called a guidance counselor. This still applies.
I always manifested things very quickly, good and bad. (If weāre going with a dualistic approach.)
Itās really all good because it all came from the creator, me. I always got what I asked for. I always get what I want. Now Iām just more conscious and going deeper into my being. Subliminals opened so many doors in my Mind. Iām glad I didnāt allow the ignorance of others to stop me from this journey.
Thereās no reason I cant do what I want to do. I just have to get crystal clear on my vision going forward. Once clear, itāll happen. Itās already done. Infinite possibilities readily accessible.
I see how the body gets addicted to suffering and the mind too when they arenāt in harmony with each other. The heart is wise. Iāve been connecting more with my heart lately. It feels so much lighter. I carried so much weight for so long.
Iām a highly sensitive soul with extreme empathy. I have 5 water signs and 4 fire signs in my astrology chart. Iāve felt the physical pain of others. If not careful I shapeshifted into being like others. I used to think I was seriously crazy when studying personality disorders and other disorders of the mind in college. I excelled in those classes. I started experiencing very supernatural stuff at that time. I went into a dark night of the soul. Not the first one either. I coped with various substances but now Iām completely sober from mind altering substances.
I feel free 
Now I am doing my best to not keep the story going of having to be careful of shapeshifting or taking on other peoples stuff. My lower chakras are balanced and clear. I am safe. I am not open to being harmed anymore. No more contraction. More expansion.
Iām here to add value. My stories of life experiences are definitely valuable, but I also want to share the ways to rise above that.
Let go of the old stories that keep you stuck. The familiarity of disempowerment. Stop waiting to be saved. Save yourself.
Hereās a photo of me in 2007 a couple days after a NDE. I went down a very deep spiritual awakening to followā¦.
Such a beautiful song. Sitting here reflecting while shedding a few graceful tears.
When things would feel good or becoming something better or different for me, I would unconsciously sabotage it.
Oh, I feel good, I better fuck that up!
Feeing good may be uncomfortable when you werenāt used to that for so long.
Not anymore though. Itās becoming a new norm.
No more finding comfort in the pain. Find comfort in the pleasure.
I think Iām gonna do a video on this subject.
Edit: && I did just that. Fast action.
