RESOLVE A New ZP Custom

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#221

Basically my main idea with emotions unfettered would be to build a better relationship with my emotions. I think harmonic singularity would have the effect of sort of releasing repressed ones due to armoring in the body and I wanted to make sure my ability to process them is there. For most of my life emotions have been divided up into good and bad, ones I should feel and ones I shouldn’t.

I will submit a ticket for this. I think having Ascension more modular vs attached to the custom would be a good approach.

The music is definitely an interest to me. Unfortunately at this point I seem to have screwed up my relationship with it a bit. So I think that’s definitely down the road when I’m feeling more stable. Once I notice my life improving and being able to actually make music with consistency I’ll add them back in. At that point I’ll know I have more of a foundation to work off of and an actual ability to take action.

I think this is the most likely approach for this. Otherwise I lose out on the benefits of having a custom if one core module becomes too much of a burden.

Oh and I wasn’t even thinking of touching Dragon Reborn. That sub hasn’t even been entertained as a possibility for a long time since the last time I ran it.

An additional thought here. I’m beginning to suspect that landing myself in situations and with people that hurt me is a form of self imposed harm due to low feelings of self worth. I’ll have to see if there’s a module that targets self inflicted harm, discordia deliverance seems close.

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#222

I ran Sanguine yesterday. Prior to running it I was in pretty bad shape. The thing is the world has been hectic lately, which is in its own way stressful for everyone. But my life has always been hectic, unpredictable, and filled with fear so this just double downed on it and it’s been rough.

But I woke up this morning and my breathing felt better. My body felt less tense. By no means was I having thoughts like “everything is great and going to work out for me”, but the intensity level dropped a lot. I could think more clearly. Also of interest I started feeling my emotions more and felt safe to do so. So it kind of seems like being stuck in the chronic fight or flight state I’ve been in has made it almost impossible to be able to feel safe to process emotions.

I think this would definitely be the way to go for the custom. I could see this pairing with the other modules really well.

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#223

I’d recommend both. Including it in a custom and maintaining dedicated play of Sanguine alone.

As you play it, its functionality is going to be internalized more and more and integrated into your mind; just becoming part of you.

I said this already but combining it with Rebirth seems like a good idea. I think that Rebirth facilitates and augments that process of making something a part of you.

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#224

My thought, too.

How about considering anything that focuses on self-worth or self-esteem?

Untouchable and Pride Unbroken might be candidates. But there might be others.

In addition to seeing the extensive list I posted above, please also re-visit the Q shop.

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#225

Untouchable, Pride Unboken, Discordia Deliverance, and Divine Self Image were top of my list for that and I’ll definitely include them in the custom.

I want to include all those modules I listed in my hypothetical custom, but I don’t have the funds for it at the moment. So I’m going to pull the most vital ones and see what I can put together with my current module list.

#226

Obviously if you need to save up, please do NOT rush to buy anything.

I would encourage you to give yourself time to think about this.

I’m not sure what you mean by this.

#227

I’ll definitely think about it more.

I meant I was gonna license the most important ones and see if I could build off that. But I’m probably going to just hold off entirely until I feel comfortable spending this money.

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#228

I think customs are ideally for taking some area that already has a foundation and then developing it further in specialized, individualized ways.

For foundation building itself, major programs (non-customs) are great.

You can look at many of the modules and see that their underlying foundations are contained within one or another major program.

Your watchword seems to be gradual, consistent, aware practice. Seems like you could just 1-3 major programs and be cool. Then when you’re ready to boost them up and take them to a higher level, that could be a good time for a custom.

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#229

Yeah maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong most of this time. I thought I could build them specialized and in such a way to get further than I would with major titles. But that hasn’t really been the case.

#230

It’s been 2 days since I ran Sanguine and it doesn’t seem to be bringing up any recon. But it’s definitely given me the space to feel safe enough to process emotions, so there’s some stuff coming up.

I’m going to try one 15 minute loop next week to see how I do with that. I think I do better with decreased frequency so I’m going to try that before 3 minutes multiple times a week.

I just feel I might be able to tolerate Sanguine better, but still not sure. One really paradoxical thing about me is the more calm or relaxed I am the more anxiety I experience. I don’t like letting my guard down, there’s always a part of me waiting or watching for stuff around the corner. So I’m trying to work on that.

#231

I think that this may be your gateway to working with a wider range of programs.

But it would be a good idea to dedicate a significant period of time to running and integrating it.

Maybe Sanguine is your catalyst crystal that generates your powerful Fortress of Solitude.

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#232

Yeah I decided yesterday to stick with this and then find a somatic based therapist that understands trauma. I think I’m kind of limited with my ability to run certain titles because my body goes into lockdown. It’s not a conscious process and undoing it is basically going against built in defense mechanisms. So my body really doesn’t like when I try to circumvent that. This has made growth incredibly difficult over the years because the older I get the more I realize my body is pushing back and not allowing me to ignore those signals.

I’ve been reading up on it a lot. Complex trauma is still new, but catching on. It doesn’t matter what the event was, it’s how the body responded to it. That’s what I failed to realize for a long time. It’s easy to ignore that because I didn’t have key moments in time I can point back to.

Still trying to orient myself to what my body is ready to handle vs what I think I can. There’s a pretty big mismatch which is the cause for all the recon I’ve been through. But I’m slowly starting to meet myself on the level that I need which is long overdue.

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#233

Is this real man.
Are you me ?

I was the same bro. I had this completely rigid muscles and go in to strong freeze response when I used any “confidence boost” hypnosis or subliminal. I won’t say I am fully over this defense mechanism. But it is very much under control now.

Have you tried TRE - Trauma Release Exercises ?

That helped me a lot to unlock this deep defense mechanism in my body.

Take a look at this

Here is the actual exercises.

This is simple yoga like exercises but they are soo powerful to release the trauma in the body.

Be careful this process can be quite intense and overwhelming if you don’t go slowly.

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#234

I’m actually pretty familiar with TRE, like most things in my life I just never kept up with it. I ran across it a few years back. I should revisit it though. Thanks for the suggestion.

How long did it take you to decrease that defense mechanism?

#235

You won’t like to hear the actual answer.
It took me few years simply because I was not consistent with my healing journey.

Whenever I got overwhelmed I would just stop everything healing and distract myself with life or other nonessential.

I did TRE together with a vibration machine (a basic one not those expensive ones) and used hypnosis and targeted subliminal.

I won’t say I am fully over it but my crazy reactions and body tightness are not that intense now,

Ascension Zp is helping me to cultivate personal power and self worth bit by bit.

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#236

That makes sense. I’m looking for a therapist that practices somatic therapy. I’ve been reading online with TRE anyone with more complex developmental trauma should only do the shaking for a few minutes otherwise you can bring up more than you can handle.

I’ll probably wait until I’m working with a professional because I have a nasty habit of diving into stuff, causing more damage, then pulling out and avoiding. I haven’t realized just how poorly I’ve been handling it until recently.

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#237

Some Sanguine related reflection.

I was thinking about subliminals in general. In particular these subliminals vs subliminals in the past. I’ve been around a lot of them over the years, I guess you could say i was looking for a magic bullet despite everyone saying that doesn’t exist. Anyway, most of them treated subliminals as the equivalent of a quarter you put into a vending machine and get your desired result. I wish it was that easy, but that’s the exact level of detachment that keeps most people from getting results.

I’ve found that despite how long I’ve been using these subs I still default to framing them as some outside entity that holds great power vs myself. I think a lot of that does stem from lack of trust in myself all around. Despite what I’ve been through and managed to partially overcome, I still don’t have faith in myself or my abilities.

I think part of the fear I hold onto is protective. I don’t like the way my life is, but at the same time I feel like any alternatives are incredibly difficult for me to conceptualize.

I was grocery shopping the other day and saw a bunch of people doing stock on food and inventory. It brought me back to my retail days and triggered a massive wave of dread in me. Retail was hell on a stimulus level. Bright lights, crowds of people, the rudest fucking people you’d ever meet, unpredictable scheduling, the toxic drama, I could go on. But my point is I struggled bad with it and I can’t do it again. That’s what troubles me though, I should be able to handle that for the sake of survival if it came down to it. But I’d sooner enter no holds barred cage matches every week than go back to that. Would literally rather be punched and kicked in the face than be in customer service.

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#238

Survival of the Fittest actually refers to the fitness of one’s strategies. It doesn’t refer to physical fitness or hardiness. It’s literally talking about the fit between environmental challenges and one’s proffered life strategy. If the problem is a circular hole then the circle shape is the ‘fittest’. If it’s a star-shaped hole, then the star-shape is the fittest.

The essence is to identify strategies that work well FOR YOU.

That’s it.

(Hopefully these points are not coming across to you as randomly as I imagine they might as I’m typing them. Do you get what I mean?)

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#239

I got you. I’m thinking maybe this all stems from being shoved through a system I didn’t fit. So there’s that feeling like I’m still doing something wrong when in reality it’s the best for me.

#240

Doing some thinking today. My main number one goal is get out of danger mode. Im making bad decisions and worst of all I’m just running on autopilot waiting for my weekends so I can calm down. But it’s an awful cycle.

This past tues I got really bad and I noticed myself prioritizing my needs. Basically I got out of bed in the morning and I instinctively knew I wasn’t functioning that day. I called out sick from work and just let myself rest. I’m getting a tech underneath me soon and I’m going to float the idea to my manager about wfh Mondays and Fridays for mental health reasons. I can’t do 5 days in an office. Also going to see about noise cancelling headphones because I sit right next to a server room that I’m 90% sure adds load and stress to my cns.

I don’t think I’m getting worse, but I think my body is ramping down and I’m not pushing myself beyond what I’m capable of. Also beginning to open up to see a therapist has thrown out a whole host of thoughts and feelings. A familiar one is the “it’s not that bad, you can fix this yourself, just gotta do xyz”, which is a familiar coping strategy for directly avoiding addressing sharing my vulnerable thoughts and feelings with someone else. Another one is the “yeah but if you go see a therapist you’re only going to be reinforcing this stuff as your identity”. Identity or not it’s been there in my life 24/7, I think this is just another distancing thing to detach from it.

I’m a whole human being, not a collection of symptoms and labels. At the same time I haven’t gotten much support for this absolutely chaotic life I’ve been living. Which has been conflicting, I’m not gonna lie. Did I not communicate it as a kid? Did my parents turn a blind eye because it echoed their own struggles as “normal”? So many questions.

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