Reclaiming my power - A Journal by MatAlexander305

Journals - Major Programs
#744

I just thought “wtf…what’s going on right now.”

So we finish up go karting and I start poking fun at everyone cause I won. The girl says “noo I won” and I’m like “I lapped you twice lol” and she’s like “no you only passed me once so we’re tied”

Makes no sense, but whatever. So they have that Olympic 1st place, 2nd place, 3rd place stand, she asks “can we share the 1st place?” I’m like “sure whatever :roll_eyes:”

So we take the pic, together and she’s posts it on her social media.

We decide to leave and go do laser tag

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#745

When we get there, theirs a 2 hour wait. So we go get food. Then she starts looking at her phone. And talking to her friend in Spanish. Only thing I understood was blonde, and handsome.

Then she’s like “you’re very handsome, all my friends think you’re very cute. They’re like omg, who is that? Is that your boyfriend?”

Her friend says “ooh looks like you have a secret admirer”. What’s weird is that she said that in singular, not plural. I though that was strange. Every time they’d speak in Spanish it’s like they had some kind of secret or something and I felt like I was somehow involved.

Like back at the go karting, my friend asked me “so, got any dates tonight?” And I was like “wtf no?” And the girls just laughed. It was so out of the ordinary. Just felt like they knew something I didn’t, it was super weird.

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#746

So as were walking to the restaurant, I’m causally watching my surroundings as always. And I catch her staring at me, she doesn’t even flinch and just smiles, laughs and says “you’re funny”.

I’m like “funny how?” I’m not trying to be funny. And says “you’re just funny, that’s all” like okay… weird?

Then same thing happens again, we’re standing outside. I’m just looking around casually, I feel her staring at me; so I look at her and she’s doing it again… staring at me, smiling, biting her lips. And I ask “what?”

“You’re funny, I like you.”

“I’m not even trying to be funny”

“You’re cute, you should try be more funny :wink:”

I just rolled my eyes. Then she starts talking to her friend in Spanish, and begins telling me about all the different ways they say “blondes” in Spanish. Then she says, she never really liked blonde boys. But she likes me :innocent:

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#748

You need to run Khan, if you’re not already doing so.

The amount of fucks you’d have to give about that entire situation you described would have been so little, that it would only drive her insane.

In a good way of course.

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#750

It’s the hot and cold game, shit test after shit test. The hotter they are, the more they test you and your masculine resolve. I believe you said she was Latina, and that culture is definitely traditional when it comes to gender roles in dating. In those cultures you have to earn the right to have the girl.

As long as you don’t get caught up too much, as long as you don’t over-invest and you continue to go about your life, she will eventually fold. Clearly what you’ve done so far is working, as she’s clearly demonstrated her attraction to you.

Whatever you do, don’t get emotional and you’ll be okay. I know it’s easier said than done 'cause she’s a hottie but don’t let your dick and your need for social approval get in the way of the task at hand.

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#751

Lol, true. I was running Wanted up until this month so it feels weird being on the receiving end of this hot n cold game. It’s like we’re butting heads because we’re both coquettish.

Tell me about it, western girls are easy compared to these girls. They make you work for it.

Sir, yes sir :sunglasses:

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#752

You know, I really want to run khan. But I’ve already decided on running QL. (With AM and my Stark/TS custom)

I could replace AM with khan, but I fear that my stack would be too much for me to handle. And my custom is none negotiable, it’s staying for a good while :joy:

I mean, I could swap QL for the Og limitless and do all 4 khan stages and then do QL but idk

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#753

Bro, I’m running Khan Stage 1, QL Stage 2 (been going through QL since April and about to start Stage 3 tomorrow) and a Fighting custom as my stack. I feel absolutely great right now, you’d be surprised at what you can handle with a stack.

I replaced Stark with Khan actually, and I’m genuinely surprised at how great Khan has been for me. It just feels like a much more nonchalant, masculine version of Stark, with a sexual aura instead of a fame aura. I was told there would be a total breakdown with stage 1, but I have felt absolutely great on the sub so far.

Like I said before in this journal, I’m surprised at the similarities between the two of us (AM is the sub I ran for the longest along with Wanted, and I was working on making a Stark custom with TS as well hahaha). If I can run it with such a positive experience so far, I know you can.

Makes sense, but this is a battle you have to win as the man. Just the way it goes.

Which is why they’re so much better :joy:

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#754

Facts lmao

Damn that’s hilarious, alright I’ll have to give it a try :sunglasses:

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#755

How would you compare the masculinity from Ascension, Wanted and Khan?

Ascension also has all the attraction scripting traits you just described to @Matalexander305 and his already enacting upon those behaviours naturally and subconsciously by using Ascension.

Khan goes much deeper into romance though.

Same for Wanted.

#756

If I look at masculinity through a vacuum, separating it from romance and wealth, I’d say that Khan is by far the most masculine. It is calm, relaxed and systematic without actually being hyper-conscious of the systematic approach - it’s automatic.

Ascension isn’t as ‘automatic’ as Khan is. It’s a little more aggressive, a little less self-assured but that’s important for Ascension because that insecurity provides a foundation from which to be more productive. That’s why it fits so well with the Mogul scripting, and why Ascended Mogul is better than Ascension.

As for Wanted, I don’t particularly consider it to be very masculine compared to the other two. If anything, I consider the coquettish behavior to be a bit feminine to be honest.

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#757

Wanted also has significant masculinity scripting.

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#758

Sure.

All I’m doing is sharing my personal opinion from my experience with running all 3, as you had asked.

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#759

I appreciate that. What do you like about Stark?

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#760

I feel like it fits perfectly with my personality, and my archetype. I had instant results from the first day, and enjoyed the fluidity of conversation with anyone. My favorite part of Stark was the fame aura which genuinely feels like a glitch in the matrix, as I’m typically not someone who commands much attention unless/until I start to speak. That completely changed with Stark however.

I also have difficulties with networking because I have a personal block when it comes to messaging and talking to people for some reason; I never message people, I just let them come to me. I’m much more comfortable interacting with strangers, interacting in person and I don’t pursue deeper relationships with others.

On Stark, people would initiate instead, which excuses me from having to initiate (which I never do anyway). This isn’t a solution though, it excuses me from developing something that I need to work on.

The intellect/creativity/productivity scripting wasn’t crazy on Stark in my opinion, a little uneventful to be honest.

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#761

Even though I still go out once a week, I’ve been drinking a lot less. I used to get off work Friday, go to gym, and by the time I get home, it’s 7pm. Then I’d usually pour myself a glass of wine with dinner, an hour later i’d pour another one, then maybe have a cider next hour and if I went out, I’d have anywhere from 5- 8 more drinks.

This Friday , I went out. Had two drinks at the pool bar, and a vodka soda at my friends place.

Saturday night, I had a glass of wine at dinner, me and my friends shared a cider between laser tag games, and that was it.

Going out sober felt, weird. I felt fine, but I was a little more anxious than usual. I’m used to having a drink or two before going out but since I have a car now, and have to drive; I can’t really drink.

Thing is, I really don’t need to drink. Relying on any kind of substance to remain calm and confident is foolish and weak in my view. It’s always left a dirty taste in my mouth so to speak, knowing that I was using it as a coping mechanism to tame my social anxiety. So even though I’m a little more anxious when I’m sober, I think the more I do it, the more confident I will become :slight_smile:

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#762

Sometimes songs just bring me back to life, this song just did that

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#763

Two things get linkedin that will be your best friend for networking.

That’s not true throughout the time knowing you if you’ve tried to focus on that particular thing I feel like you’d be a master in commanding attention when you speak because you have authoritative but yet loving/calm energy that attracts and gets people to want to speak to you and hear you speak.

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#764

Welcome back bud :slight_smile:

I am, I command a lot of attention when I speak and I always have. What I said was that with Stark, I command attention without speaking, which is what feels like the glitch in the matrix effect with Stark for me.

Yes you did mention that before. I have a LinkedIn but I just refuse to use it; however I definitely will once I have to start applying for internships and what not. To be honest, I’m just not fond of what I have to put on my LinkedIn profile for the time being, but once I get a cert or 2 that I’d be proud of (CCNA and AZ-104), I’ll definitely be comfortable with using it further.

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#765

You can always message me and I will be more then happy to help you improve your linkedin and you know that :wink:

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