Actually fuck that, I do know the answer. Itâs cause Iâm shy. I donât talk to girls.
LITERALLY.
Iâll go to the gym and be SEEN by hot girls, and yeah Iâll get IOIâs. Even from girls âout of my leagueâ. But Iâll never act on it. Iâll never walk up and talk to any of them.
I just exist in this never ending state of awkward tension between me hot girls and itâs SUPER WEIRD.
Itâs a normal occurrence. I see a hot girl, and I know sheâs attracted to me. But then I donât do anything about itâŠ
Itâs like Iâm afraid to open my mouth, because I scared Iâll make her not attracted to me. So itâs better to be quiet and maintain that mysterious attraction. Then to open my mouth and potentially kill it⊠(I know this is an unhealthy attitude. )
But why? Am I too nervous to be a smooth talker? SometimesâŠ
Am I too nervous about coming across as nervous, Insecure?
Long story short, a lot of these behaviors just stem from early childhood. It really sucks how sideways everything can go based on some treatment you had as a child, but when parents validate certain behaviors and feelings vs shun others it leads to a lot of problems.
âGoodâ vs âbadâ parts is a common strategy when we havenât been made to feel itâs ok to have certain emotions.
Iâve tried both, ashwagadha makes me super depressed and careless about everything.
Iâve actually concluded that the anxiety I constantly feel isnât so much a neurochemistry problem, but rather itâs a belief problem.
I feel anxiety because of the way I think, because of my belief system, because of my traumas etc.
Supplements can chill me out a bit, but the anxiety still remains.
Hell even alcohol canât destroy my anxiety. Iâm the most hyper conscious drunk Iâve ever met. Unless Iâm blackout wasted, Iâll still feel self conscious.
To make a long story short, Iâve been struggling financially, so I decided to add RICH into my stack.
After 2 loops, I remembered that I havenât done my taxes for the last 3 years. So I went though the process and now Iâm getting like $10,000 in tax returns
UNREAL.
Canât wait to file my taxes for 2022, gonna be another 5-6k probably LOL LFGGGGGGGGG
But in my defense, my paragraphs are typically one sentence long.
Youâre on the right track.
For example, the fact that youâre confident enough to talk about feeling nervous or insecure paradoxically puts you AHEAD of lots of people.
You take care of yourself at the gym. Thatâs cool too.
What are needed are some internal things.
Iâll be making two general points here.
First point:
The main difference between living things and non-living things.
Itâs not Growth. Icicles grow. So do stalactites and rivers. (haha Debt and bank accounts grow.)
Itâs not needs. In order to keep existing, a rock needs to not get hit by a hammer.
The primary characteristic that separates living from non-living?
Desire. (and impulse).
Living things are just full of desires. Thatâs one of our primary characteristics. But hereâs the kicker.
You donât see a personâs desires when you look at them.
The primary feature. And you donât even see it!
You see their legs. Their face. Their nose. Their outfits. Their make-up.
Those things that you notice are related to YOUR desires.
âWow. So hot!â
But when you so-called âGETâ the girl? Guess what you won?
You won all of hers. All of the things she wants.
In other words, just like you, sheâs a big basket full of desires. Wow. Sexy, huh? Nope. Most of those desires have nothing to do with how sexy you are. (Some of them do, thankfully).
If youâre not ready for that basket of desires, it gets old really quickly.
Most of what happens in relationships revolves around coordinating what she wants with what you want.
And if youâre not particularly into what she wants. Again, it gets old really fast.
And that brings me to the second and main point of this post:
Second Point
Your personality. Your nature.
Right now, you go to the gym to give your physical muscles, skeleton, lungs, etc., the stimulation and exercise that can help them to thrive.
Well, youâre going to want to add in some different kinds of workouts on top of that one.
You also need to stimulate and exercise your personality, your inner process, and your interpersonal self.
People talk a lot of s**t. âGet the girlâ. âWin the gameâ. âAchieve success.â
These are misleading labels that mostly serve to confuse people.
I mean, theyâre true, kind of. But the problem is that they label side-effects instead of whatâs really primary. As a result, after growing up with this kind of talk people put their attention onto the wrong parts of the puzzle.
âClassic Misdirectionâ as the magicians say.
Example:
When you go to the gym, youâre not focused on âwinningâ anything. Youâre doing a workout. Every workout is essentially a good one; even though youâre more impressed with some than with others. And the fact that you know this is why youâre so good at working out.
But this same frame also holds true for almost everything else.
You donât need to âwinâ the workout.
You also donât need to âwinâ the girl or the date.
You also donât need to âwinâ the relationship.
Thatâs how inexperienced or inactive people think.
People who are active and successful or experienced in a particular area tend to have a more balanced and nuanced view. They tend to think more in terms of âprocesses over timeâ rather than one fixed âmake it or break itâ moment.
Once you switch your view over, insecurity wonât really be a problem anymore. Not because it will disappear. It just wonât seem as important. Fear will still be there sometimes; but it just wonât seem to matter as much or in quite the same ways.
Think about it. Thatâs pretty much how you approach the gym right?
If your goal was to press 10 pounds more than you press now. You might feel some fear (or excitement) at your next workout. But it wouldnât be a crippling paralysis. Youâll probably just do the appropriate workouts for the next month or so that will enable you to meet the goal. And when you do meet the goal, you probably wonât say, âI won the gym!!!â Youâll probably just think âcool.â and continue with your workouts.
Now think about this:
what would be the equivalents for 1) your personality and 2) your interpersonal interactions?
Wow @Malkuth
This is very insightful, I may have to read that few more times to really digest everything you said.
Thatâs not always true, body language never lies (all jokes aside, I get the point haha)
No doubt, women desire a lot more than just looks. And I feel thatâs my issue. I always feel that I have an unrealistic expectation to live up to. Yes, I have good looks. But what about my nervous, anxious nature? I have insecurities, Iâm deeply aware of them and I know theyâre not attractive. I have flaws, many actually and because Iâm hyper aware of these flaws, I donât feel as though I deserve love. I know theyâre not a part of her big basket full of desires so itâs like Iâm a waste of space.
âHeâs good looking but heâs awkward, insecure, nervous, too emotional (or whatever else)â.
Like if I could zap away all my insecurities, dating would be so easy for me and Iâd have so much fun. But I canât seem to figure it out.
Okay I think I understand. But i donât quite understand working out my personality?
Like interpersonal interactions sure. Maybe smile and acknowledge people more. Then maybe make it a point to speak to 1 new person everyday. Even if itâs as small as âHow many sets do you have left?â âDo you have the time?â And build up from thereâŠ
But working out my personality? Im not sure what to do. Like would I I just choose an attribute I want to develop? (like leadership, stoicism, optimism) and think of an action or set of daily actions I can take that will slowly move me towards this set goal?
Iâm currently in some of the weirdest reconâŠ
Since washout, Iâve played:
Monday:
Khan st2 - 30 seconds
My custom - 30 seconds (which is zp1)
Thursday:
RICH - 30 seconds
Sanguine -30 seconds
Iâve been super anxious, super tired, anhedonic, stressed, angry, aggressive, full of murderous rage. Basically every negative emotion has been turned up to the extreme lately.
I actually downloaded sanguine in a desperate attempt to help me get out of this dark mental state.
I seriously donât think I can handle drinking alcohol anymore. I always blackout and itâs annoying. Idk if itâs cause I have a predisposition to alcoholism, or if itâs cause of the gabaergic supplements I take during the day⊠but itâs always hell to recover from and I hate not being in control.
I never get sick and I never throw up. But Iâll be casually drinking and next thing you know I blackout. Sometimes I donât even act different, but next morning I wonât remember anything. There are other times where Iâll just go crazy and act wild, but I just always seem to black out randomly and I canât predict whenâŠ
So Iâm starting to think I should just stop all together. Or severely limit myself when I do decide to drink.
Itâs strange that I had such intense recon from 30 second loops.
Last night I played full loops of Khan st2 and Sanguine and today I feel much better.
No recon or anything. Itâs almost like my brain needed to hear the entire script. Because after the 30 second loops, I just felt angry and kept asking âWhat do I do?â âHow do I solve these problems?â
Itâs like my subconscious mind was craving the commands (or questions) of the full script.
Iâve come to learn this feeling means youâre lagging behind in emotional support for yourself. Itâs really less about solving something and more about increasing your own emotional regulation and validation. It just seems like a really big mystery because itâs like missing a vital component necessary for internal peace.
I can relate. Itâs a certain kind of hell bearing witness to all the stuff you donât want unfold in front of you just happening anyway.
Lately Iâve been looking in the mirror a lot and I just canât stand the man that looks back at me. Iâm in the best physical shape of my life, yet Iâm disgusted with who Iâve become.
My lifeâs been shit for the last 6 years and I just think, how did it get this bad? Am I that traumatized? How did I become so hateful and resentful of my fellow man? How did I become so arrogant? And for what reason? Physical looks? Thatâs what my ego is built upon?? Thatâs so f*cking shallow. If looks were everything then Iâd be living a great life, but Iâm not.
For the first time in my life, Iâve realized that iâm the problem. Iâm not a victim of my circumstances. Iâm a victim of my own wrong doing.
I guess now that Iâve realized it, itâs important to not scold myself but care for myself. I should be my number one cheerleader.
Just start opening your mouth around them who gives a fuck.
When you stay quiet and keep them attracted to you⊠it doesnât do anything. Youâre not interacting with them, getting their number or sleeping with them.
Youâre afraid of killing an attraction that doesnât lead to anything. Attraction that doesnât lead to anything is useless. I often tell this to people. One can get all the IOIâs they want but it doesnât mean jack shit if theyâre going to bed alone at night, or for 90% of men⊠jacking off into tissues while watching porn.
Itâs like going for a job interview. The employer smiles at you, compliments you⊠shit, even gives you a pat on the back. None of that shit matters if you didnât get the job.
You see the point Iâm trying to make here? Lol
Itâs better to be completely open and say whatever you want. This can act as a filter, since the ones who are worth your time will still be attracted if not become even more attracted.
@Matalexander305 you seem like a pretty nice and chill dude. When women see a physically attractive man, they instantly jump to a bunch of conclusions in their head. Itâs very much the same way us men do when we see an attractive woman.
If youâre good-looking and not an asshole (which you arenât) that makes them more attracted. In case youâre not understanding what I just said Iâm going to reiterate.
You opening your mouth around women automatically makes you more attractive to them. This is a fact, watch this:
Woman sees physically attractive man and doesnât know anything about his personality. That mystery actually limits him. In her eyes⊠he could be a narc, lacking confidence, massive ego (through getting validations from his looks) or a kind, empathetic and confident gentleman with self awareness.
She doesnât know. When your personality is in this mysterious state of superposition, of course the Halo Effect leans positively but she can only assume. There is a hesitancy in her perception of you as in, itâs not fully concrete.
When physically attractive men express through being genuinely down to earth and authentic⊠women will literally try to wife them because they are seeing the fact. They will start looking at beyond just lust and into something more akin to âthe perfect guyâ.
Being physically attractive + unknown personality (positively leaning) = 5
Being physically attractive + clearly not a dick = 6
If youâre emotionally healed and naturally elevate women through any interaction - which you will eventually start to do as you grow⊠then they will become even more attracted to you.
When you open up your mouth around these women, you are basically saying âNot only am I good-looking, but yes⊠Iâm not a dickâ⊠youâre checking another box by default.
I invite you to express yourself as much as you want around women without giving a flying fuck. Youâre also signifying confidence when you do that⊠checking another box.
Youâre afraid to be yourself around women, not realizing that when you are⊠youâre checking another box for them. This false fear has been sabotaging your interactions because the inability to naturally be yourself creates awkwardness. When you are open and unabashedly yourself, you create nonchalance that automatically removes any awkwardness.
Combine this with the understanding that youâre afraid of losing attraction that leads to nowhere = Youâre afraid of losing something that doesnât matter.
I donât know, thatâs all I got lol⊠this is all my opinion. Cheers though
All the times where I was present in the moment, just unabashedly being myself⊠people love me. (Especially girls lol)
My problem is getting into that state. Being self conscious and hyper critical of myself is my default programming. And Iâve noticed I project it onto others.
Itâs like I expect that others are constantly judging me negatively (like I do to myself).
Itâs funny you say this, because I have a very serious demeanour. And Iâve had countless girls tell me Iâm âintimidatingâ or that I âlook rudeâ but when they got to know me (when I opened my mouth lol) they found out I was the complete opposite.
Iâm going to make it a point to do this more. I guess itâs like working out. The more I do it, the better Iâll get and eventually it will come naturally.
Thatâs an awesome mental model right there. Itâs stupid to worry about losing attraction that doesnât matter
(all jokes aside, I get the point haha)
