Reclaiming my power - A Journal by MatAlexander305

Journals - Major Programs
#661

Pt 3

Festival was good. For the last 3-4 months, I’ve been listening to a lot of Latin music. So I was familiar with most songs and the artists there. I can’t say I knew what they were saying half of the time but I enjoyed all the shows.

The day went well but, there was a sense of underlying stress
 usually festivals are very laid back, fun, zero cares in the world. But this time was different.

We had a good spot up close to the stage and we didn’t want to lose it. But as the day went on, the crowd got bigger and we lost our friends. That annoyed me. Then we wanted more drinks, had to use the washroom, Wanted to sit down and rest our legs etc. So we left to do that, and when we came back to the stage area the crowd had gotten very dense so @Vesper respectfully bulldozed his way through the crowd back (edit: Close) to our spot.

Then we tried to move forward again but we’re stopped by these 3 girls that got super mad at us :joy:
I guess we should’ve been happy with our spots, but we wanted to find our other friends.

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#662

Lol maybe, but you’re bigger than me, and stronger too

Thanks haha

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#663

Pt 4

We had made plans to meet GT’s brother back at his place around 10:30. Problem was, the main act; the most popular artist Nicky Jam (Not Daddy Yankee @GoldenTiger , hehe) was originally supposed to start at 9:30. But he was delayed until 10:30 now


So I had to try and figure out how I was going to see him and still meet GT’s brother in time to go to the club for 11. Obviously this was impossible, so I had to come to a compromise (Which I hate doing but is sometimes necessary in life :unamused:)

I agreed to leave early, I thought maybe I’d still catch 1 or 2 songs of his. Then @Vesper says him and @GoldenTiger are going to leave at 10:00 now and I got a bit angry. Here I am thinking “I’ve already compromised seeing my favourite artist, that’s a big enough deal, but now I won’t see him at all???

I just though “wtf did I even come here for then”. He’s the main act, I’ve been looking forward to this for months. I didn’t understand why they were so fixed on being back at 10:30?? His brother must live close, you can go to the club any weekend
 no? Why not just ask him to meet us there? We’re at a concert, so we’ll be there 30 - 45 minutes later. What’s wrong with that?

But what I didn’t know, was that he wasn’t from around the area. He had to drive 2 hours to get here (like me). So they wanted to have a good time, and clubbing for only 2 hours is kind of pointless
 so knowing that; now I understand where they came from.

So in hindsight, I shouldn’t have gotten mad so once again, my apologies @Vesper I know you were just trying to stick to your word and that’s very honourable.

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#664

Pt 5

Anyways, we’re in the crowd, and @Vesper seemed a bit quiet. Then he said he was going to go sit down. (Standing/dancing for 6-8 hours is surprisingly painful lol). Then he texts GT that he left, cause he wasn’t feeling good. Which upset me a bit, cause now the best artists (last 3) were up next. So that’s when it started getting fun. Also I was worried he was sick and that he wouldn’t come out later on.

Anyways, me and GT chilled in the crowd. OHH BTWWW, I forgot to mention. GT had at least 3-4 girls approach him/ make moves on him :rofl:

One chick straight up said “You stole my glasses? Those are mine!” We were both a bit shocked because her tone of voice was so serious. Then ofc she said kidding lol. That was something else hahaha.

We eventually find my other friends, and thank god we did. Cause it had been 2-3 hours that we’d been spilt apart. We chilled, saw the second last artist. Then me and GT left
 after Farruko performed:

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#665

Pt 6

After we left, and got to GT’s place and remember getting changed and just feeling “Off”. Like something wasn’t right.

Throughout the day, I felt like I was in a bit of recon which was annoying (definitely doing a washout next time). Combined with the fact that now; it had been 12+ hours since I’ve eaten, I’ve had hardly any water to drink, I’ve had 4-5 drinks throughout the day


So yeah sounds about right :grimacing:

OHH BTW @Vesper

I was planning to wear the exact same black Henley as you. But by the grace of god, it came out of the wash still stained from last time I wore it (s/o to train girl for spilling that rum and Coke on me)

Anyways, if it weren’t for that, we would’ve been twinning. Except you had better pants and nicer shoes so you win :man_shrugging:t3:

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#666

Back to the story, I have a few swigs of rum, and I started getting a small headache right before the club. I thought “F me, can this get any worse lol)

Like CT mentioned in his journal:

Yeah free shots, cause that’s what’s important here haha :rofl:

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#667

Pt 8

But yeah the club was awesome! Beautiful place, way better than any clubs in Ottawa.

We go up to the terrace, and start arm wrestling with random people. It was fun. Then one guy comes and arm wrestles our semi natty friend, and he wins. This guys wasn’t a bodybuilder, he was actually a bit overweight, but man he was strong. You gotta respect it.

So, I see him by the bar. He looks at me and signals me to come talk to him. He offers to buy me a drink, I thought that was nice of him. He starts talking to me about arm wrestling, and techniques and blah blah blah. He was a cool guy. Then he starts talking to me about
 well I’ll keep that to myself but let’s just say he’s a very perspicacious and intelligent man.

That really caught my attention, I started thinking “who tf am I talking to right now?” I ask what he does for work and he says he owns the club and that he had owned it for 15 years now. I almost didn’t believe him at first. Then he orders 8 shots of Jameson and a double vodka soda. I jokingly said “and a rum and coke” and he says “and a rum and Coke”. Lol.

So now I’m thinking
 okay this dude must be balling. Maybe he does own the place. But after observing how the bartender served him so fast and how he didn’t even pay for it
 I knew he was serious. So then some of our other friends come over and start talking to him. He orders another 8 shots of Jameson and a double vodka soda :joy:

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#668

image

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#669

Pt 9

Eventually it’s just me and him again, and he says “You’re different.” And I’m just like
 what?

He says, theirs something unique about you. Then he started asking me about my job. My aspirations, my goals in life etc. I didn’t say a whole lot besides the basics like I want to be successful, connected, rich, content, and to most importantly raise a beautiful successful family.

Then we started taking about fitness, and he made a self deprecating joke about being a fat slob. I had noticed he said similar things about himself throughout the night, so I pulled him aside and said “Hey, watch how you talk to yourself. Don’t call yourself by those names. Your smart, successful, your well off, you have lots of friends. You have basically everything I aspire to have. You should be proud of yourself.”

Then he goes on to tell me he used to be even bigger and that he’s now lost 70lbs. And I said “see, that’s a great accomplishment. You need to be your own biggest fan, you can’t be talking down on yourself. That’s no way to live life. Be proud of your achievements.

And he just smiled at me and gave me a hug. He added me on IG and said we’ll talk more in the future. Next time you’re in town, let me know I’ll hook your boys up with a bottle of champagne

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#670

Pt 10

By this point I was feeling nice. What’s funny is one of our friends asked me if I was even drunk cause supposedly I wasn’t acting like it. But that changed later haha. CT and GT left around 2 and I decided to stay with the other two.

We kept drinking, went down to the dance floor. Had a great time. I got to bed around 4:30 am and when I woke up
 boyyyyyyy did I feel like garbage.

What’s strange is I didn’t feel hungover necessarily. But more so “drained”. I basically fasted all day and consumed nothing but booze and more booze. So after I left, I got MC D’s to replenish all the calories I missed out on. Had a coffee, chilled at MC’D s for a while.

Then bought another coffee for the ride home. Whole way home I just blasted Latin music and enjoyed the ride.

Overall, it was a good weekend! Wasn’t perfect, their were twists and turns but nevertheless I had a blast

:fire::fire:

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#671

Next week will be a even bigger twist a good one of course :slight_smile:

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#672

Hope so, cause for me
life just took another one as you know :grimacing:

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#673

Oh, another funny things that happened.

To go up to the terrace, theirs a line up. Me and another guys went downstairs to use the washroom. The bodyguard said he’d let us back in.

As we’re walking back, the line up for the terrace was huge. We walk past everyone and these two girls say to us “You’re not going to get in” and then I turned around and said “Watch us” and just smirked.

Then we walked right though back to the terrace.

As we walked through the door all I heard was a bunch of people complaining about us getting in so fast. We laughed so hard :rofl::rofl:

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#674

Haha, just realised how jealousy is a 
cruel reality of being angry and low value
the lack of confidence, self esteem and vulnerability makes one ugly af

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#675

I want to throw up, why does everything in my life go wrong all at once
?

One after another after another after another. I feel like chicken little. The voice in my head is screaming “The sky is falling, the sky is falling”.

You know when you wake up and thank god that it was only a dream. That whatever you dreamt didn’t actually happen, and you’re relieved
?

I woke up this morning to the complete opposite feeling. My stomach sank as I realized it wasn’t a dream.

Maybe I’ll explain later

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#676

I can’t take this shit anymore, I’m starting my washout today. F this stack, it’s not the right time for it

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#677

That was the worse work day of my life. Everything that could’ve went wrong today went wrong.

I thought I’ve experienced anger and rage before, but today was a whole other level. Luckily I’m not one to take it out on others, but my co workers were put off by my angry demeanour.

I’m usually super nice, friendly, patient, encouraging. I was none of those today.

Recon and shit external circumstances is not a good combination.

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#678

Definitly some shit in your life that need to change :eyes:

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#679

Yes sir, very much

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#680

After washout I’m running limitless and Ascended Mogul

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