Reclaiming my power - A Journal by MatAlexander305

It’s kind of funny, I ran AM last fall so it’s a bit nostalgic. I’m sort of transitioning out of that whole party phase into a more serious work/ self development phase. I think I’ll still go out occasionally because socializing is important for me. But crazy partying, staying out late all the time, getting super drunk… that can’t happen if I want to make any serious progress

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Al

Actually, I think I’ll go down the QL path. Learning, studying and all that it entails has been a difficult path for me. I have a lot of negative beliefs and habits surrounding these topics. Mostly from school. So, I think QL might be better.

It may be a little slower, but I think it’ll be well worth it.

@GoldenTiger also sent me a voice note about how khan has changed his life and how it could really help me discover what I want out of life, help my confidence, social skills, etc. And it really made a lot of sense and I think I might do that too.

But would that be too much? Am and khan are similar is goals and is Khan is certainly a bit life more advanced. But I feel the effect of khan would be more transformation overall.

Maybe I could run:

khan st1
Limitless
Mogul?

Idk if running QL and khan together would work. Might be a little much. Especially since I’d be doing both st1’s at the same time.

Or maybe I can hold off on Khan and just do AM for now. Not sure. I’ve had over a year’s experience with these subs so, I know I could handle khan.

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oh
image

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I said what I said image

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Remember what we talked about that’s all I’m going to say. Ultimately it goes that to what you want to do and what you initial goals are.

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I think I’m going to keep it simple for now

AM & QL (Each stage for 1 month )

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This yearning that keeps happening, it’s driving me insane. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s really messing with my head. It feels like I’m constantly being pulled in a direction… but I don’t know where that direction is…

Does that even make sense?

I don’t even want to think about this girl, but she keeps popping up in my thoughts. And it’s always followed by really intense emotions.

Like I’m just sitting here with my hands against my head thinking ā€œWtf is happening right now, am I insane?ā€

Inspired by @Skadoosh

First song:

:sunglasses:

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So tonight I’m starting my new stack:

Ascended Mogul
Quantum Limitless ST1

And while I’m excited to take on new challenges and reach new heights, i’m a little torn. Because I’m being pulled in the other direction. This summer I made significant progress in my social life, I’m actually really proud of myself. If you knew me 3-4 years ago and see me now… you’d see a completely different person.

My confidence, charisma, sociability extroversion have all greatly improved. And these were my weak points for a long time. I had lots of traumas and bad experiences that lead me to shy away from socializing. And now it’s like I’ve ā€œReclaimed my powerā€ go figure :slight_smile:

But now, I feel like I need to take it further. I’ve reclaimed my power, great. But it’s like I’ve broke even. If my life was a trading account, I was in the red for 3-4 years and now I’ve finally broke even. So now, with all this momentum… it doesn’t feel right to go all introverted again.

While it’s important that I focus and work on my career and finances, there’s no way I can go full monk mode/ workaholic mode. I need to keep socializing and working on that aspect of my life. And on top of that I’ve been experiencing some strange romantic and sexual urges. Like some sort of longing that can’t be rationalized. I never felt like I needed girls before but that’s changing…

Now I feel like I missing out on one of the most beautiful aspects of life, and the more I put it off and try to ignore these feelings, the more that longing comes back (and with ferocity).

So AM is a great choice since it’s covers all these aspects of my life. It’s going to help me build that solid foundation and I’m really excited for that. QL is going to help me GET SH!T DONE. Finally all these courses, books, etc, I’m going to put it to work and integrate all of it into my core. But…

As for the third sub? I may continue with my custom. Perhaps I’ll only run it once a week, but the thought of dropping it so suddenly feels wrong. It’s like an angel slaps me across the face when ever I think about dropping it. It’s helped me so much, it helped me achieve things I’ve been desperately trying to fix for the last 3-4 years and now I’m going to stop? I’m just getting started…

And let me talk about Wanted for a second. Wanted goes hand and hand with my custom. Being an attractive man is who I am, it’s who I’ve always been. I may have forgotten about it for a long time, but now I’ve reclaimed my power, I just own that shit. It’s completely changed my behaviour, mentality, body. Every time I look in the mirror I just smile and admire the beauty looking back at me. The thing I once hated, I now love. Me :slight_smile:

So dropping Wanted also feels criminal. The way it makes me feel is so beautiful, I’d run it for that alone. So what I might do is alternate my custom and Wanted each cycle. So cycle one would be AM, QL, Custom. Then cycle 2 would be AM, QL, Wanted.

Again, when I run Wanted or my custom; it would only be once a week (maybe once every 2 weeks). Just as a background kind of sub. AM and QL are the stars of the show for the next little while, but I’ll have my custom and Wanted doing a bit of passive work.

Does that make sense?

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I’m really excited to run AM. Those objectives are :fire:

Didn’t expect QL ST1 to have such a strong healing component… emotional healing.

I’ve been getting so many flashbacks to high school, romantic encounters etc. Things that were said to me, positive and negative, things I did and said to others (again positive and negative).

It’s a mix of sadness and empowerment, very weird

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I’ve also been browsing autotrader for cars. Not that I can afford another one, but I keep looking at the Mustangs, Camaros and Challengers. I want one so bad it’s annoying.

That brings me to QL and AM. What am I going to study? What will my goal be? How am I going to get one of these beasts?

I think I will go down the copywriting path. Get really good at it, then do freelancing. I love sales, psychology, persuasion and I also love to write and be creative. So I think it’ll be perfect for me.

I started studying it a bit last year but stopped because… well, subs just guided me in a different direction. But now is the time to work. Time to take it to the next level.

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I’m giving myself one year:

Don’t care how realistic or unrealistic it sounds. That’s my goal. If I don’t wave a carrot in front of myself, I’ll never get anything done.

ā€œShoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the starsā€ While being amongst the stars is cool, I want my feet planted on that moon in a years time.

LFG

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And another thing… I want to move out. I want to become my own man. I think that will be top of the priority list. So adding that to this one year goal

Now I need a detailed plan

Most people are so broken, it’s sad. Lately everywhere I look, all I see is that. Traumatized people, whether from parents, society, friends, experiences.

People pretending to love their life when they’re secretly miserable, people overcompensating for insecurities, seeking validation, power tripping etc. I see all of it. And I’m no saint myself, but I’m hyperconscious of my weaknesses, most others have no idea why they do the things they do and lately I’ve been sitting back and reading everyone like a book just in awe of the lack of self awareness.

Strangely enough, I’m not doing this consciously. It just started happening out of the blue. People need help, I wish more would seek it out. If everyone collectively took a more active approach, identified their weaknesses and worked though them; the world would be a much better place.

Unfortunately, that’s never going to happen. Sad

Is it normal to resent your subordinates? I’m in a leadership position at work and suddenly I’m growing angry and impatient with them.

It’s like every little thing they do wrong annoys me, and I just think ā€œhow do you not understand?ā€

On the other hand, I remember when I was being taught, and my superiors had the same reaction to me. Back then, I though ā€œI’m still learning, cut me some slackā€.

But now it’s hard, I’m trying to be understanding and patient but I think QL is already working really fast. Like my mind is firing on all cylinders and I just look around at everyone and think ā€œWhy are you so sloppy, how are you so dumb, how could you make such a stupid mistake?ā€. Because to me I never made these kinds of mistakes, so I almost feel like a kindergarten teacher having to tell my subordinates to stop picking their nose and sucking on crayons.

Maybe I’m being too harsh, idk

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