Reclaiming my power - A Journal by MatAlexander305

Iā€™m sure you are golden hehe :sparkles:

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Randomly got invited by a chick to go out tnā€¦

Letā€™s see where this goes

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Last night was LIT (Pt 1)

Went to a club downtown and it was fun but things felt offā€¦ not really sure why, maybe I was going through a bit of recon. Anyways Iā€™ll get to that.

I was there with two other dudes I knew and two girls that were maddd fine, and The two dudes were kindaā€¦ idk just, there. Girls werenā€™t interested in them.

But me, mannnā€¦ ā€œomg youā€™re soo hooottā€ ā€œisnā€™t he like a total model?ā€. It was funny, at one point the one girl asks me ā€œHow do you not have a girlfriend? Youā€™re super hot and really funny. Do you just play the field? Do you not really care?ā€

Like she seemed very intrigued by me. After, her friend just said ā€œYeah heā€™s definitely a f*ckboyā€. ā€œHeā€™s totally drowning in _______ā€

I wishā€¦ but Iā€™ll let them think it :man_shrugging:t3:

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PT 2

One of the girls had mad connections around the area. She got us on the guest list, so we skipped the line. Right before I walked in, I noticed a girl quickly glance at me. Not only was she a girl I went to high school with, but the night I first ran my customā€¦ she was in my dreamā€¦ with that SAME LOOK on her face.

Shit was mad weird not gonna lie.

So we get in, grab drinks, and meet another friend of ours. Everything was cool. At one point it was just us, he asked what Iā€™m doing nowadays and I did the same. And then the convo just died. Felt a bit awkward. And this really irritates me because this is a pattern Iā€™ve noticed with myself.

When I talk to people, especially catching up with old friends, it always feels very surface level. Thereā€™s no depth, theirs no real connection. Itā€™s like I donā€™t know how to open up to people. It really bothers me because I want to make more friends and have connections (like that girl I was talking about earlier). But I just overthink every aspect of socializing, theirs no flow to it.

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PT 3

Anyways back to clubbing, walking through the club I feltā€¦ on top of the world. I was dressed to a T, hair on point, perfect tan from vacation, rose gold leather watch, rocking Versace erosā€¦

I could feel that invincible presence, ethereal presence, entranced and elegance combo firing on all cylinders. Combined with Lion IV and Dominion and Stark coreā€¦ Iā€™ve never felt that kind of power before.

Status too, I ran into some other friends of mine who were cool. They had a booth in the corner, ordered bottle service, poured me some drinks. Then another group of people came to our booth, ordered bottlesā€¦

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PT 4

And one of the bottle girlsā€¦ was the girlā€¦
The hottest girl from school, the one I kissed and felt like I ascended to heaven, the one that made me feel like the richest man on the planet, the one that ruined my reputation in high school, the one that traumatized me, the one that Iā€™ve had reoccurring dreams about for the last 5 years, andā€¦

The most beautiful girl Iā€™ve ever laid my eyes on.

Summary

When I saw her, she looked the exact same. Beautiful as ever, same hair, same style, same demeanour. Everything. And whatā€™s funny is, she wouldnā€™t even look me in the eye. I know she saw me and I know she was shocked. Her body language, her demeanour, her energy, everything just screamed:

ā€œF*ckā€¦heā€™s even hotter nowā€.

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PT 5

After our fallout, she would pretend I didnā€™t even exist. But she always radiated this weird energyā€¦ itā€™s hard to describe. It felt like it was hard for her to ignore me. Sometimes Iā€™d catch her glance at me, and then sheā€™d look away super fast and then adjust her self. It was never from a place of power, it was always out of insecurity. Sometimes I felt like she secretly wanted to talk to me. To clear the air you know?

And I also feel like I left a strong imprint on her. Hot chicks never get rejected. So when she said ā€œlet just be friendsā€ and I said ā€œno thanksā€ā€¦ she really took it harshly. I think that really messed with her head.

So back to the story:

Iā€™m in the club looking like a whole snack and a half, Iā€™m at a table with a bunch of high status dudes, getting free drinks from their bottle service, everyoneā€™s super nice to me, Iā€™m getting loads of attention and intrigue from girlsā€¦ even the tall ones who I would have considered ā€œout of my leagueā€. I was getting eyes everywhere.

I almost forgotā€¦

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PT 6

The two girls had a friend, she wasnā€™t all that hot but whatever, still tolerable. Had a nice body. The two friends left to go talk so it was just me and her. We were still in bottle section dancing and stuff. And eventually she started grinding on me. Iā€™ve never done this shit before, but I was mad dominant. I just grabbed her hips and started mooooving. Iā€™ll leave out some of the more intricate details to follow sc guidelines but I got aggressive with it and she loved it.

And that girlā€¦ walked by us multiple times so she definitely saw :wink:

At one point, I was walking to the washroom and the bottle girl was walking in front of me. She was about to walk through a bunch of glass and a spilled drink, before she did me and two guys warned her. She stopped for a second, without even thinking; I do a slick little hop over the mess and walk right into the washroom. In retrospect it was kind of dangerous but I pulled it off flawlessly and right in front of her too :joy:

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PT 7

The two girls we came with kept going to different clubs so I didnā€™t see much of them.

At the end of the night, their were some guys asking for the girls numbers. They asked if I was with any of themā€¦ and I guess when I said ā€œnoā€. It was in an almost dismissive tone. Like the girls werenā€™t good enough for me type shit and thatā€™s not how I meant to come across.

The girls got a little mad at me, ā€œAre we not good enough for you?ā€ ā€œI was taking to (insert girl Aā€™s name), and she was saying that Iā€™d totally F you, but not with that attitudeā€. The other girl said the same thingā€¦ and I was kind of like wtf.

They also said ā€œyouā€™re very domā€. (At first I thought they said dumb, so I was like excuse me???) ā€œno I said dom, as in dominant. And I just smirked. ā€œAre you?ā€ I looked at them bothā€¦ ā€œuse your intuition, what do you think?ā€. ā€œYeah youā€™re definitely very dominant, I like it.

Iā€™m starting to think that maybe I take the dominance thing too far. And perhaps itā€™s out of insecurity :thinking:

I definitely take the whole teasing/ flirting thing too far sometimes. For example: one girl had curly hair and said something about straightening her hair as a joke and I think she took offence to it. At the end of the night I apologized and gave her a cute compliment. Still got slapped for that, but whatever lmaošŸ˜‚

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Overall the night was awesome, my custom is amazing and itā€™s working in very mysterious ways.

The girls invited me back to their place but I decline cause I had to golf with my dad this morning :slight_smile:

The end

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The whole me being a asshole part has really been on my mind.

Itā€™s clearly arousing to these girls, but I donā€™t want to be that toxic guy. I donā€™t want to tear women down just to bring them back up, I hate that cycle.

I was saying to a few others that Stark was helping me control my ego, it was making me more humbleā€¦ and not in a weak way.

Well my custom has instilled me with so much power in such little time, combined with primalā€¦ maybe I need to learn to control it. Use it for good, you know?

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New stack:

Stark Custom:

Summary
  • Stark Core
  • True Social Core
  • Lion IV
  • Dominion
  • Submodel alpha
  • Manipulus
  • Dragons tongue
  • Story teller
  • Song of joy
  • Emperorā€™s voice
  • Voice Master
  • Furious accent
  • Natural winner
  • Invincible presence
  • Ethereal presence
  • Entranced
  • Elegance
  • Stress displacement
  • Yggdrasil
  • Mosaic

Primal Seduction
Sex Mastery or Wanted

Havenā€™t decided yetšŸ¤”

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Idk what Iā€™m doing anymore

I feel like shits about to get real in my romance life.
But at the same time I need some internal healing. And you know whatā€™s weirdā€¦

Iā€™ve ran a lot of internal subs. Primal, CWON, Regeneration, Elixir, Sanguine. But every time I run them, their this nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me ā€œTAKE ACTION MFā€. Thinking only does so much, you need to take action to internalize these lessonsā€¦ But Iā€™m scared tbh. (I wanna throw up just saying that, but itā€™s true :man_facepalming:t3:) From past traumas and all. But what other choice do I have? Stay where I am forever? Action is the fastest way to rewrite your beliefs, not thinkingā€¦

Fck I gotta start DOING, no more fcking thinking smhā€¦

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Iā€™m going to smoke a cigar and by the time itā€™s done. I will have decided my stack.

Works every time

As Iā€™m sitting her smoking my cigar, Iā€™m just thinkingā€¦

I knew I was going to see that girl again. I knew it was only a matter of time.

I thought about it a lot before, and they way last night unfolded, was damn near perfect :rofl:

God I love these subs

Wanted

Ngl LBFH sounds real nice too

But it sounds like my next chapter :wink:

Ugh now LBFH sounds better, 15 mins till this cigar is doneā€¦

Decisions decisions

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It seems you were blooming on Primal as well

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