So I just read the objectives for Primal and itās literally everything I needā¦ this and Daredevil. 
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Whatever you decide, please stay with it for 21 days.
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Elixir annoys meā¦ because itās so f*cking effective.
Day after day, it keeps showing me every problem I have, and itās overwhelming. If I werenāt so hard-headed, I wouldāve given up a long time ago. SC Subliminals are great, but now I have to fight the urge to fix all my problems at once.
My perfectionism is rising to the surface; I keep thinking about āThe perfect planā to fix all my issues. But the more I think, the worse I feel.
āI could start with QL st1 and Paragon to fix my mental health, then move onto DR or Regen with elixir. Or what if I made a custom with Elixir and Sanguine, and used modules to directly target my weaknesses such as Ares, attachment destroyer, Februus, Devine self-image, Eye of the storm, emotions unfettered, I Am, Remembrance etc. Or, I could just run Wanted with sex mastery and Elixir and by increasing my sexual confidence, I would feel so much better about myself. No, I should say F it and run DR. Waitā¦ no, I should run Daredevil and Primal along with Elixir or perhaps that custom I was talking about. Then I could finally overcome my social fears, stop relying on alcohol to feel confident when going out, make more friends, and actually be confident with women.ā
Iām telling you, this is what goes through my head all the time. And I almost think Iām relying on subs too much. Yes, choosing my next sub-cycle is essentialā¦ but what ACTIONS can I take? Thatās where the real changes take place.
Lately, Iāve felt perpetually stuck. Itās like Groundhog Day. Everything is always the same, and it feels like Iām stuck in an invisible prison cell. And then suddenly I get lucky, and a night/ weekend like the one-two weeks ago happens:
And Iām reinvigorated once again, I surprise myself. āWait, I can socialize. āI am funny,ā āWomen do find me attractive,ā āI can make friends easily,ā and āWhy do I keep doubting myself?ā How can I stop clinging to the past and finally get rid of this imposter syndrome? Iām not the man I used to beā¦ but I keep clinging onto that old identity? Why?
So to conclude this entry, Elixir is kicking my @$$ 
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk
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One thing is for sure; Iām running Wanted. It has a special place in my heart for very personal reasonsā¦
Once upon a time, I was Wanted, and I didnāt even know it at the time. So many girls wanted me, and I could hardly believe it. I felt like an imposter, so I self-sabotaged. Then I went down a dark path of Addiction, self-isolation, and escapism. 
For a long time, I lost touch with that Wanted man I once was. I felt like a shadow of my former self. Butā¦ when I started running Wanted, I was reunited with my old, authentic, beautiful self. I began to feel like that man I once was. š„²
I find it difficult to put into words. Wanted is so special to me in a way most probably wouldnāt think.
Wanted reunited me with my authentic self. That puzzle piece I was missing for so many yearsā¦ Wanted helped me find.
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I sabotaged so many friendships. I thought everyone who once loved me, hated me. Because of this, I started acting like it. I stopped talking to friends, I stopped acknowledging them, and I started acting like a total d*ck as a defense mechanism.
I donāt even know how to rectify these friendships. I guess all I can really do is forgive myself and start being my true self, the one everyone loved. This is why I want to run Daredevil.
I ruined my social life. Now I want to fix that.
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Beneath my tough exterior is the biggest heart in the world. And Iām afraid to show it. Iām afraid itāll make me appear weak and vulnerable. I have so much genuine love for people, and sadly some of them will never know it. I just wish they could understand.
You are healing big time 
If you are ever making a custom, look up the module Path of Forgiveness.
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Thank you š„²
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Hey Mat, I would recommend staying with Stark and maybe dropping Wanted. Your creativity and the way you communicated is so eloquent and charming when you run Stark so I think itās doing wonders for you. The reason why I recommend focusing solely on using Stark is because you will still get the attraction aspects of your life check out but you will also have the career aspect of your life moving forward as well as your social life (Friendship, etc.)
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Wait, are you saying you notice a difference in my writing when I run Stark vs when I donāt?
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Yeah what I notice is when you run Stark your writing is much more creative and expressive in a good way (This could be really useful in a social aspect). When your running Wanted your more mysterious in your writing which is good for attracting girls but in a social aspect people might not understand it which will make it more difficult to have fun socially (In my experience and personal opinion).
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Interesting observation, now I have to go back and read my old entries 
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Ironically enough this just played out in real life. A co worker was asking me about what car I planned on buying and I just lied and said āidkā. I said Iām going to go to the dealership and just choose. Which is a lieā¦ I know exactly what Iām getting. Either a Charger or a Challenger.
But I realized that I donāt hold back because Iām trying to be mysterious. I come across as mysterious because Iām afraid to be myself. I hold back on exposing certain parts of my self out of fear of judgement, fear of standing out.
Everyone keeps saying āBuy a Honda theyāre reliableā and I just roll my eyes. IDGAF about thatš¤£
I want something cool and fast, if that means I gotta spunk a bit more money than so be it. When Iām on my death bed, will I regret having spent a few extra bucks on a cool car in my early 20ās? Is it going to be the difference between me being successful vs a total failure? FUCK NO, so who cares.
And I know the minute I say Iām getting a nice car, theyāre immediately going to start trying to talk me out of it. āhAvE U sEEn tHe gAS pRiCEs?ā āYoUr iNsURaCE!ā āYoU thINk yOuR sO cOOl eH?ā ābRo iTs uR fIrsT cAr, gET soMEthInG sHiTTyā.
People always try to drag me down to their level, itās already been happening with my brother and my dad. Constantly sending me average ass cars, when they know Iām not interested. Even with me and my fitness, ādo you really need to eat 6 eggs a day?ā āJust eat normal man, you donāt need to eat all that proteinā āHave some sweets it wonāt hurtā.
I hate the idea of being average, but thatās all Iām surrounded by, and it feels like people are always trying to box me in. So the minute I hold myself to a higher standard people always get offended and try and belittle me, which pisses me off to no end. I donāt tell them how to live, so who are they to tell me how to live? I donāt belittle anyone, I donāt judge others for having a normal car or not being a dedicated gym bro. If that how you want to live fine.
So then why canāt they leave me alone? I donāt hurt nobody? I donāt kill grandmas?
Ugh, normies hurt my brain 
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I just realized why I avoid most social interactions. Simply put, I associate them with pain.
Whether thatās feelings of general anxiety, feelings of inferiority, feelings of compete disinterest in what the other party has to say, feeling like I have to self censor and that I have to agree with everyone (even though I donāt).
I feel like I canāt be myself when I talk to people. Theirs only a select few people I can be my authentic self with. Everyone else, I feel like I have to put on an act for; or else they would hate me.
This is so stupid, Iām done feeling inferior all the time. Iām running Pcc next cycle.
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Laughing at jokes I donāt find funny, letting people make jokes at my expense. Itās like the world walks all over me, and when I get angry about it and hit backā¦ Iām the bad guy.
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Know what, F romance titles. I donāt need that right now. I need to focus on my career/ money and my social life.
Iām good looking enough, Wanted will return when Iāve got these two down pat.
Now I need to decideā¦ do I make a Stark custom focused on improving my career, wealth, productivity etc. So I can run another social title like Daredevil or PCC along with Elixir?
Or do I go ahead with that idea of Elixir & Sanguine with certain healing modules to address important personal issues that hold me back. And, run it with Stark and Daredevil, PCC or maybe even limitless executive cause Iāve been extremely lazy the last 3-4 months and Iām getting tired of my own BS.
Washout starts today. T - 5 days to decide
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My god this journalās a whole ass roller coaster 
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Because my productivity is so low, Iām going to try something new. Iāve been looking for actions I can take to help these subs ābreatheā.
So every day, I will choose to do one thing that will help propel me forwards. And Iām going to use this journal to keep myself accountable.
It may be something small; it may be something big. Bottom line, I need to do something; I cannot continue to float through my life feeling like Iām getting nowhere.
I feel full of energy and optimism when Iām progressing. Lately, I havenāt been feeling that wayā¦ and that says a lot.
So starting tonight: Iām going to read for 15 minutes before bed tonight. Currently reading: āThe Presence Process.ā
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25 mins = done
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