Another thing about last night, everyone was trying to impress me.
Literally everyone I talked to was trying to impress me in one way or another. Whether via humour, stories, whatever.
I found it kind of cool. Because growing up, I was the one who did all the pleasing, and people never respected me for it.
Now Iāve done a total 180, yet I still have all those desirable traits.
Funny how life works out
Nothing amazing to report lately. Been real tired for the last 3 days. I havenāt been eating as much as I should so thatās probably why.
Recons also been a a little strong. This could also be because my sleep hasnāt been the best.
Iām gonna get to bed early tonight.
I want to put Iron Frame in here. Only thing I would consider removing is Jupiter.
But Iām worried about not having anything to cover manifestation/ result enhancement.
Any thoughts?
Feeling anxious lately.
I think True Social is the culprit. I feel like itās trying to push me out of my comfort zone and my amygdala is not having it.
Itās like thereās a war in my mind.
Somethings telling me āDo this, Say this, Youāll be fine, donāt worryā.
But then another voice is saying āF that, shut up and donāt embarrass yourself. That fear, that uncomfortable feeling in your stomach, listen to it.ā
Obviously I know which voice I should be listening too but itās hard.
All week Iāve been contemplating asking for a raise but I always got caught in analysis paralysis. Trying to think of exactly what to say. When to do it etc.
I even walked up to my bosses office and chickened out last minute because my mind went blank. Eventually I counted 3ā¦2ā¦1 and walked over there and forced myself to do it.
It was fairly easy, nothing too stressful. But you see what I mean? I just envy those who have that natural confidence, that dragon tongue, they donāt overthink, they just do. I need more of that.
Iām contemplating swapping out Starkās core for Daredevil. I think itād narrow down that social/status focus. Though I do want the fame aspect of Stark, I think developing my social skills is a higher priority. Plus, I can always run Stark alongside my custom.
Then again, I could also run Daredevil alongside this Stark custom, but I feel that Daredevil is the better core for my goals with this custom.
I just had a realization.
Simple but profound.
All my personality traits, the way I act, the way I talk, the way I walk etc. Theyāre all subconscious programs downloaded from other people, whether my mom, dad, brother, sister, childhood friends, movie characters, music artists etc.
Nothing about me is original. Itās just a huge melange of influences. But thatās what makes me unique. Example: I used to be a cashier, and I quickly became the best one there. I was not only fast, but I was smooth. People always commented on my grace and elegance.
Now, where did this come from? Micheal Jackson. As a kid, I used to love watching him dance. I would listen to his music and pretend I was him. Though Iām not a great dancer, I somehow copied his smooth bodily movements, and theyāre now a part of who I am. The Raikov effect.
Another example: I remember watching the original Terminator movie when I was 13 years old. I remember being fascinated by Arnold Schwarzenegger. The musculature, the strength, the power, the sheer invincibility he portrayed. I wanted that. At that moment, I started researching everything about getting big and strong.
It was through that obsession that I gained such vast knowledge about fitness/ bodybuilding. And now, ten years later, when I look at pictures of myself, I have that body I always wanted. The one I saw on screen. Something that was once just a dream is now a reality. And itās completely normal to me now.
Whatās the theme here? Repetition and obsession. Iām 22, and what I need most right now is to acquire skills. But I have so many areas I want to master, itās hard to stay consistent.
So if I become obsessed with copywriting, in 6 months, Iād be making some good money off it. If I became obsessed with mastering the social game, in 6 months, Iād be super popular and charismatic. If I became obsessed with learning game, in 6 months, Iād be a total playboy.
I have the power, I just need to curate my reality.
I was getting a lot of attention at the gym today. It was uncomfortable.
I had a girl stare me down as she walked with her boyfriend. As the elevator door was closing, I caught her staring again, but she had this look on her face 
It was like she was in a trance. Weird. (I did have entranced in my last custom 
)
Had another girl and her friend staring at me a lot too. I get stares from everyone thereāeven other men. Being a āpretty boyā isnāt easy. It can get annoying sometimes.
I remember when I was a stoner, I would get all paranoid because people would stare at me. I thought, āThey know Iām high.ā Now I realize they were looking cause Iām attractive 
The amount of stress it used to cause me was crazy. I couldnāt figure it out. Iād constantly ask myself, āwtf is wrong with meā why does everyone stare at me? Am I doing something wrong?
When the whole time, it was just because Iām attractive 
FFS
My issue isā¦ Yes, Iām good-looking.
But my social skills are lacking, and I feel like Iām just a disappointment to girls. They see this handsome man with this great body, but thatās it. He lacks true confidence; he doesnāt have much to say; he lacks that social presence.
I have a love-hate relationship with female attention. I love it for obvious reasons, but itās like they place me on this pedestal, and theirs nowhere to go but down. Their expectations for me are through the roof, and I canāt live up to them. So I feel like a disappointment. A waste of a good body. A waste of a good face.
Got a lot of compliments on my physique today. People telling me things likeāwhat your workout routine bro, youāre looking huge!ā
āLook at the muscles on this guyā Jheeze, hard as a rock.ā
Little do they know, I only train twice a week. Once I get this car and start going everydayā¦ itās game over.
Washout Day 1.
Thank god, my mind has been so active lately. So many emotions and thoughts keep coming up. Iāve found it quite difficult to stay present lately.
Recons been strong. Hopefully my mind can play catch-up now that itās washout time
I keep thinking about everything I hate about myself. I canāt stop. Itās just one thought after another, Iām so angry right now. Itās like I have all these invisible chains holding me down and I canāt move. Iām stuck. My mind wants me to change but I donāt know what actions to take.
Itās driving me insane.
Reframe those thoughtsā¦ They are coming up one by one because you are taking steps towards getting over them. They are a sure sign that you are on the right path, beacuse you would not be this aware of them if they would stay repressed in your darkest corners.
Yes they look ugly and unwanted, but learn to love them and let your attachment to them go. Use humor, learn to laugh at yourself, the comedy of life, look at your serious face in the mirror, how mad you are and repeat it to yourself until you canāt stand just laughing at yourself and how silly you lookā¦
Thank you!! I needed this
Iām gonna lose my shit. I have so much anger right now, I can hardly control it
My minds been so negative lately. Iām afraid Iām gonna manifest some bad events. Iām genuinely afraid. My life feels like itās crashing down.
Hope youāre feeling better, bro. I understand the feeling! Hang in there - youāll be better soon.
Do you suggest that removing Yggdrasil if one is running ME and AC? I am building customs and itās really hard to know which results enhancement modules to add. Iāve heard many folks speak highly about Mosaic, DEUS, and Yggdrasil.
@SpikeDaMai If you can try not to remove Yggdrasil in my opinion.
I think Mosaic is a must or of great consideration if running Mindās Eye and Ascension Chamber or even changing stacks often after a ZP 21 day cycle. Mosaic for integrating subs & modules in a stack.
With DEUS I am not able to comment on that as I have never tried that.
Omnidimensional is a pretty popular result enhancer too.
Thanks a lot for your input! I have kept Yggdrasil in there but will strongly consider adding in Mosaic as per your message.
Thanks man. Recons starting to slowly fade away now