I’m just doing a visualization because I vowed on dedicating a decade to celibacy, so by the time I’m done I’ll be around 35 or 40. But how’s life at 40? Is it better than your 20s? Do you still get attention from hot young women? Is the fear to grow older justified or is it a myth as I got my best days ahead of me? Would you consider it your prime? Or would it be your 30s or 20s? Genuinely curious and wanted to get your advice and insights
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I think you would have a good perspective on this. I’m not sure if you’re just under or over 40, but I know you work with a lot of successful older men.
question would be… why would it even be different? Unless you make yourself believe it is and then live out that belief. Doesnt seem like a change to me. Youre still you whatever you believe yourself to be. There are many great men and even more suckers.
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It is what you make of it.
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But how’s life at 40?
Like pretty much everything in life, this of course depends on your values and beliefs. If you chase after ideals without reflection, then it doesn’t matter whether you are 20, 30 or 40 years old. You can feel good or bad about being 40. But what is very likely at 40 is the fact that you have been able to gain a lot of experience. You’ve been able to try things out and know what you want and what you don’t want. I deliberately say could, because not everyone does. Because I also know people who are not yet adults at 40. They may look old, but they act infantile. They haven’t grown up mentally.
Is it better than your 20s?
Better in relation to what? Some things were better in the past. For example, youthful agility or a feeling of invulnerability. But now I’m at an age where I’ve learned a lot. For example, I no longer have to prove myself to anyone. I no longer chase after things that I thought would bring me happiness but never did. I am much happier than I was when I was younger. Again, it all depends on context and your perspective.
Do you still get attention from hot young women?
Sometimes. But I’m less interested in young women. When I was 34, I had an 18-year-old girlfriend. That was quite nice for a while, but there was a difference in thinking and energy. It didn’t fit. At 43, my relationship with women also changed. In my 20s, it was the desire for attention and validation. Coupled with a strong sex drive, you naturally took a lot with you. Again, the point is that you gain experience. But at some point you also get fed up. The focus shifts from quantity to quality. But again, it’s the same here: it’s a question of what kind of development you go through. You can also hunger for attention and love at 50/60, go around as a playboy, settle down … whatever. It depends on what you believe and feel.
Is the fear to grow older justified or is it a myth as I got my best days ahead of me?
If someone is afraid of getting older, you should ask yourself where this fear comes from. Of course, life comes to an end at some point and you certainly deteriorate physically and mentally. This is a fact that you can accept. However, being afraid of it is a matter of attitude. What are the narratives about this and where do they come from? Advertising? Friends? Again, the question is whether beliefs and convictions have been adopted without reflection. As I said, I’m 43 and my life has objectively gotten better and better over the years. Subjectively, I haven’t always noticed this because I’ve viewed events through the lens of my experiences and beliefs. Only in the last 5 years have I realized that many of my beliefs are a hindrance. And that some of my problems are imaginary. Again, it depends on what you believe. Your brain will very selectively present information that matches your beliefs and this creates a self-reinforcing effect.
Would you consider it your prime?
Yes, but this is not a question of age as you have already noticed.
Or would it be your 30s or 20s?
Nope.
Final statement (definitely too long).
If I’ve learned anything over the past 20 years, it’s that beliefs really can move mountains. Not radically, of course, because change is always gradual. But of course you are told everywhere that you can change your life within the next 24 hours. Take this pill, buy this service, have lots of sex, drive this car, like this perfume or maybe the deluxe triple bacon burger with some Dom Pérignon. Or the watch, the necklace, the bracelet. Cheaper as a set. Grab it quickly. And I have the only, the real, the true solution for you. Costs only 1,000 dollars, payable in installments. And if it doesn’t fit, then it’s probably up to you. It’s your fault!!!
Really?
At some point I started to question my beliefs. Not about right or wrong, but whether they are useful. I asked if I could develop other beliefs. Better values and beliefs. And over time my life got better. If SubClub had existed earlier, I probably would have saved some time. But maybe I wouldn’t be who I am today.
My tip to you: start thinking for yourself. The sooner the better. Check your beliefs. Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions. Don’t ask what others think is right, find out for yourself. This can be uncomfortable and painful. Definitely. But that’s not a bad thing per se. Although nowadays hardly anyone can deal with unpleasant feelings and pain. We are unhappy because we are constantly trying to be happy.
You are in the right place. use the tools you find here and start thinking for yourself.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
― Henry Ford
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beautifully said. Reason being Is ever since I turned 25 I realized that life is too short, and that I may die someday, it terrifies me but I’m starting to look out in the future and face my fears of getting older.
Knowing that theres great things ahead of me and that each phase of life brings with it unique beauty is what keeps me going in pursuing my long term goals, knowing that it’s going to be worth it.
It is what you make of it but thanks
Everywhere really, since turning 25 I realized im gonna be 30 then 40 then 50… The years have went by in a blur, like a blink. Its terrifying to say the least, but for me I’m going to be executing on a 10-20 year plan of mine, I want a sneak preview for how that looks like when I get to the finish line of the plan…
Thats true. Reading Power Of Now and im practicing that Being awareness… It’s slowly opening up. But there is beauty in getting lost in it, haha im starting to see both sides, the immortal and the mortal and us human beings drive ourselves to insanity when we’re focused on the mortal side too much and we’re left in the clouds when we focus too much on the immortal side.
Thank you for your wisdom brother
I enjoy my life much more at 46 than I did at 26. As long as one takes care of their health both physical and mental there’s nothing to fear about turning 40, especially with performance enhancing subs at your disposal. I still have 90%+ of my max strength at a lower body weight.
Sure I’ve made mistakes would do thing differently if I could do it over again but I don’t wallow in regret. As I continue to develop wisdom to guide others I find life fulfilling in ways I never thought I would have earlier.
This page from the book Backbone regarding the red road and the black road says a lot.
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THIS RIGHT HERE. Brought me the peace I wanted to know. Reason why im asking is because im sacrificing my 20s, and 30s, so I can forever live incredibly well in my 40s, 50s beyond. I plan on achieving financial freedom by age 45, I just had that hesitation clawing at me, this voice that says It’ll be too late to enjoy the fruits of your labour as you’ll be old. But thank you for clearing up this irrational fear.
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I’m in my 40s and living my best life and only getting better!
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thats awesome to hear my friend, I hope mine too will be better than my 20s. God I hate this decade lol
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I’m 42 without the money. That’s the advice I’d probably give to anyone like 18, is what you’re already doing.
If you do right with your money and investments when you’re my age you don’t have to work, but if you want to you could.
I could still enjoy traveling and all that, the women, if I had the money. I mean I can still get women but, it would be nice to have the means for freedom.
No such thing as good or bad - sometimes the ‘bad’ is just you levelling up to resonate into your better form. No need to ‘wait’ - everything is ‘now’. Go easy on yourself, find enjoyment in the simple things etc. Use the subs for self love, positive mindset etc. Inner reflects the outer etc. Also be aware that you are actually acknowledging what’s happening in and around you; most folk are zombies and live in their miserable trances. That’s a super power comrade, so you’re already on your way!
All is just vibrating patterns of energy so no need to take it all seriously. Definitely don’t go celibate! lol
lol. yes.
I went the route of the one I fell in love with. I passed on so many hot chicks. If I could go back I would shoot my shot with all of them. Maybe would have found the best one for me in the process.
It sounds like really immature thinking, in one way.
If you spend a decade or two conditioning yourself to feel happiness later instead of now, how do you think your mind will be conditioned when your 40s come? It’ll be conditioned to feel happiness later instead of now. If you wanna have an amazing 40s, have an amazing 20s, have an amazing 30s, just do so in a way that rose your prospects long-term while filling your cup in the short term.
Doing Adderall is a great way to borrow from the future to give to the present… More attention in the short term, but a worse ability to focus overall in the long-term.
And being really focussed on wealth and money in your 40s and thinking that that will create abundance and happiness is just another excuse for not feeling happy now… I justification… And I worry that when your 40s come, even if you are rich and abundant, that might not provide the lifestyle that you think it will.
I also think, from a meditative perspective, that conditioning yourself to live in the future instead of the present is always a bad idea.
Overall, it sounds like you’re setting yourself up to build your whole life around external validation and accomplishments. One question is whether or not you’ll even achieve everything that you want to achieve… And if you don’t… That is quite honestly a recipe for extreme crisis.
But another question is even if you achieve what you wanna achieve, will it actually make you feel what you want to feel? I highly doubt it will.
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Yea I think an authentic life is priceless. If you’re seeking outside for your source of happiness that’s gonna bite you in the behind later. But having lost things in life teaches you things also. Say you go for that happiness later, later you find that it was always here now. And now is only now.
Oof.
Don’t give yourself the gift of regret when ur 40
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I absolutely agree with @Jouissance.
From my point of view, it depends on whether you have to sacrifice something or want to sacrifice something. Voluntarily sacrificing something for a long-term goal may work well if the motivation is intrinsic. I also had the conviction in my mid-20s that if I did it right, I would have my first million by my mid-35s. You can now guess whether I made it. Of course I didn’t. Because my priorities have shifted over time. And they continue to shift, because my life is not over in my mid-40s. I will certainly be different at 60 than I was at 40. And surprisingly, of course, a few things have come to light.
I would have liked the outcome, but I definitely wasn’t ready to go through the process and do what was required. And honestly I really don’t need a million bucks. I’ve bought an apartment and have some money in the bank and that’s enough for me. Instead, I travel a lot with my wife and I’d rather collect experiences and memories than status objects.
And I’m grateful that I realized that, otherwise I would still be chasing money and have my second burnout or worse. Unconsciously, I had an underlying feeling of lack, because as a rule we don’t want the money, we want what we would do with it. Money is only a means not an end.
There are many people who aspire to a career and money at some point in the future. There’s nothing wrong with that, but again, the underlying question is “Why?”.
When I have X, then I will be happy.
When I am X, then I will be happy
When I can do X, then I will be happy.
And as Jouissance said …
It sounds like really immature thinking, in one way.
I agree with that and that’s okay too, of course. The younger years are for trying things out. You don’t really want to stand there at 40 and think you’ve missed out. You don’t really want to go into mid-life crisis, get a sports car, pack two 20 year olds in it and then go on a drug trip to Vegas. and even if you did, you might find that underneath the superficial satisfactions, there’s still something missing.
From my 40 year perspective, I can offer you the following advice.
- Question your needs and motivations. (Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?)
- Make sure you can fulfill your real needs. (this probably doesn’t require millions of dollars)
- Keep your body fit and healthy. (let’s be honest, without health you can forget everything anyway)
- Have real and fulfilling relationships. (because we are social creatures)
- Do something that matches your talents and skills (and hopefully makes you some money).
- Put some money aside (both for unforeseen expenses and for old age)
- And finally … learn meditation. (a fantastic skill to get some distance from your own thoughts and feelings).
Very interesting thread and thoughts here. A lot of things have already been said. I just want to add one more aspect to ruminate: I‘m in my 50s. Quite a couple of fellows from school or university are not with us anymore. Suicide, accidents, diseases, no one can really know what happens. So only do sacrifice your younger years or any years for that matter if you enjoy doing so. There‘s no destination in life, it‘s always progress and one has to learn to enjoy the way because even if you set up goals for yourself, it will most probably not make you happy in a profound way and what if you pass away one day before you reach your goal, would you think in your last breath that it was worth it all the same?
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The real life starts at 40, mate.
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