Hmm, sleep disturbances have been a theme for the last two cycles and it’s related to limitless. Last night, the sleep disturbances were also caused by a ton of caffine and being on the second day of a fast–duh. But even barring that, I’ve still had some more trouble sleeping than I’ve been used too.
In addition to that, I really feel like limitless is healing my brain, or whatever the hell was wrong with it in the first place. I don’t really know what was “wrong” with me, but I’ve had theories that have been worsened by social media. ADHD, who knows, lol. Probably, just trauma honestly.
Maybe that’s been what’s healing me. I think I’ve come to understand that there was never anything truly “wrong” with my brain, because when I look back, my environment is what led to every defect in myself that I’ve been working through.
I’m going to be real, I’ve been an underdog, I really have.
Many people have been raised with far worse lives than I’ve lived. But my god man, my childhood really set me up for failure. It really did…
Almost everything that could have gone wrong in a child’s development that would hinder them from being sucessful was my lived reality.
I inhereted:
Poor health beliefs
Poor financial beliefs
Poor social beliefs
Poor romantic beliefs
Poor acedemic beliefs
Poor religious beliefs
I mean…I digress. But, I really wasn’t given anything positive that I could hang my coat on, not really. I kinda only saw the darkside of life until I became an adult. This isn’t a pitty party, not at all because I was also very lucky, very lucky indeed. Because my childhood was this bizzare crucible.
On the one hand, my childhood set me up for failure, but on the otherhand, my childhood (so long as I continue the transmutation process) perfectly set me up for sucess by having to face the dangers of power and the dangers of the world in what was ultimately a trumatic, yet, mostly safe environment–there was physical danger, sure, but I survived, so who cares, right?
I feel like…like it gave me a respect for power. Like it gave me the otherside of the coin. I feel like it showed me, very clearly the darkside of power, so now as an adult, I can focus my energy on developing the positive aspects of power.
Hey, the other bright side here, is that I can pretty much throw it all away. All of it, and completely rebuild myself from scratch because there is nothing tying me to the past.
Given that I came from nothing, and that I inhereted nothing that’s worth keeping (pretty much), that means I can just throw the whole damn thing in the garbage can and become something completely new, completely different, designed with purpose.
Yeah, I like that.
I’m designing myself, with purpose.
There was one thing I gained from my childhood though, the power of belief, faith, and trust in something beyond us. That’s actually been pretty helpful.
