Day 17 WB & Limitless
I’m feeling better and better, day by day, however, I don’t wanna be here anymore, like…I’m over it. Because I recently had an insight about myself that’s floored me…and it’s all thanks to Limitless.
You see, I’ve been stuck in these long patterns that loop around every year and have looped around every year since I started. It’s toxic, and I don’t like it. It’s not the fault of the subs, not at all, actually it’s the fault of me, and here’s where it gets crazy, my listening habits with the subs have unconsciously caused me to relive the same macro pattern three times now, regardless of the program that I’ve been running. Let me explain because it’s actually kinda wild.
There are major events that have happened every year and they are: moving, friend group, relationships, education, career.
Major events keep happening at around the same time, and it’s been similar events each year. Every year, like clockwork, similar events have happened. Details change a little bit, sure, but the core story remains unchanged, because I have remained unchanged for a while now with few exceptions.
It’s like watching the same movie made by three different directors: things are different, sure, the cast, the cinematography, but the core of the story is unchanged. Same characters, same inciting incidents, same conclusions.
I don’t wanna watch the movie again, I don’t ever want to be where I currently am again.
Everytime I feel like I’m escaping the pattern, I will follow a self-sabotaging voice within me that convinces me to change subliminals, which causes my life to change, which causes panic, which causes sub-hopping, which ironically leads me to experience the same events over and over again.
It’s so strange, because up until now, it’s been completely unconscious and has led to massive confusion.
SB tried to show me this pattern, however, for reasons hinted to and discussed elsewhere, SB was too powerful for me, I was unaligned with it, and I failed in running it, so I wasn’t able to learn the lesson. Now, on Limitless, I can see it clearly, I can see it.
You see, for me, these subliminals can be permanent, but permanence only comes with time. For me, it takes months and months to actually reach a new level that’s stable within myself.
For me, I will get results within a single cycle, however, it takes me months before the results actually stabilize into a real and lasting change within myself. This is also something that I learned on SB, it was so clear back then, I just didn’t exactly know what the message meant.
When I first started this journey, I hit a new level, but then after my first 6 months, I haven’t actually run anything long enough to stabilize results within myself and reach an even higher level. Mix that with the inner self-sabotager, and I’ve unconsciously used subliminal hopping to ensure that I don’t actually change.
It’s a kind of protracted recon, where instead of avoiding change in the short term, I avoid change in the long term with this massive pattern that I’ve fallen into.
It’s pretty…weird, but hey, I can see it now, which means I can stare it down and destroy it with the wrath of god.
Back to the story
So I don’t want to be here anymore, and my HS (higher self) has made it clear to me that the only way to break the pattern is with healing.
Two days ago, I was introspecting, and I began to see that this pattern is far larger and has existed far longer than I could have imagined. This pattern began in my teens, and has lasted a good…13 odd years. Prior to subliminals, I was simply less aware of it, therefore, it appeared as though it wasn’t happening, but when I really look back, these long patterns have been happening for over a decade.
So, I gotta heal to get rid of it, then I gotta dedicate myself to a single stack for about a year to instill some permanence within myself, then I gotta reap the rewards.
Undecided about healing modalities…
Total Breakdown is the top of the list, but I’m really not sure that I want to run the whole Khan program, I just don’t know. I’ve always been on the fence about Khan because on one level I’m drawn to it, but then on another level I’ve always felt that it’s “not me.”
Bleh.
