Praise The Urd Tree's Permanent Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#42

ASBR & PS & RofNW Cycle 1 - Day 10 - Rest

There is an overwhelming temptation to start my wealth custom today. It just dropped and I’m like, salivating. But I won’t, because I’ve learned to temper my idiotic behavior.

I’m still a little high strung from the high exposure. I would say today we are out of over-exposure territory, and probably closer to a mild/medium level of processing demand. Whatever the hell that means, I imagine it as a pressure gage, so we are at a mild level of subliminal pressure.

Beyond being responsible, there is also the fact that I’m not done with SB yet. Just because I’m not running it doesn’t mean it’s not processing in the background and doesn’t mean I can just ignore the blockages that I’ve been fighting for 4 months.

Lastnight I came clean to my gf about the fact that I had been running SB for the last 4 months. Now that I say it, I kinda regret telling her, I should have just kept my mouth shut, but oh well. I always say I need to learn to shut my mouth, but what good does saying that do when I never listen to my own advice?

Anyway, with the topic now open, and her feeling like she could say what she wanted and needed to say, she pretty much told me what I already knew: when I was actively exposed to it, she found me sexually unappealing among other things.

There are some real things, some real and lasting benefits that I gained from my time with Stark Black, and now that the pressure has dropped, it’s probably time for me to start reflecting on what I’ve gained and those lessons and positive effects that I’ll take with me into the future, instead of spending all my time fixating on the blockages and wondering why I’m blocked.

  1. Ego Destruction: my ego has been destroyed, not totally, but it’s been as destroyed as I could allow.

In the months that I’ve been on Stark Black, I’ve learned that I’m a far cry from what I thought I was. I’m simply not as smart, talented, impressive…I’m just not as good as I thought I was, period. There are MANY MANY areas of my life where I’m falling very short of my potential.

Stark Black helped me accept and fully face my failures so that I can actually improve and get better. Prior to this ego Destruction, I always had an excuse, which stunted my growth, and made it more difficult for progress to come.

It also helped me clear away many ideas and “life paths” that I was so attached too but weren’t authentic.

In general, it made me more “real” with myself and what’s going on around me.

  1. A new view of reality. This one is a little challenging to describe, because I’m unwilling to give specifics, but reality appears to be a little more funny that I originally imagined. No answers, just many demonstrations of how much more is possible that I imagined.

  2. A feeling that I can run any program now. After spending 4 months on Stark Black, I’ve removed any doubt that I used to hold of my ability to stick with a program long enough to see results.

Khan for instance, which I’ll probably start soon, after 4 months on SB smashing against deep blocks and generally feeling miserable, I now have no doubt that I could run it and thrive on it.

#43

ASBR & PS & RofNW Cycle 1 - Day 1 - WB 30 seconds & The Golden Cloak full loop

The Golden Cloak

Summary
  • New Wealth Experience Core
  • Synergy: The Golden One
  • Fortune’s Favorite
  • Job Seeker
  • Free Pass
  • Ascension Chamber Core
  • Synergy: Divine Dominion
  • Synergy: 42
  • Omnidimensional
  • Synergy: Beyond Connection

Hit more SB recon this morning, processing takes time, as we know. Originally, I wasn’t going to run subliminals today, but I wanted to break the recon, so I went ahead and did it. It started getting pretty uncomfortable and it lead to me causing a bit of conflict between me and my girl.

5 full days since PS/Rotnw
9 full days since SB

I still have a very vested interest in understanding these blockages that exist within me around SB. It’s an open mystery, and until the processing ends, it’s still a high priority for me to figure out what exactly is going on within myself that’s causing me to react this way.

I’ve known that I’m fighting the script for a long time, but I still can’t totally figure out why I’m fighting the script and what it is about me that’s so ready to act out. I also still feel a strong pull to resume SB, but I’m absolutely putting my foot down on that. Maybe in the future, but there is no way on Earth that I’m doing that. Not now, and probably not for a long, long time after I’ve done some pretty serious inner work and have cleared some pretty serious blockages.

Between this morning and now, I can still see benefits that I’ve gained from my time with SB, and those I do imagine I’ll be able to carry forward with me into the future, but the block, those confounding blockages, I’m just not sure what to make of them.

What I’ve began to wonder is if the transformative demands are just so extreme compared to my current self, that it’s causing me to act out.

For long now, I’ve known that I’m immune to stonewalling…or at least it appears that way, and honestly, given how high my exposure threshold is for processing, I would be a little nervous to even test and see what it would take for me to stonewall. I shutter at the thought. lol.

However, though I don’t stonewall in the sense that I don’t “shut down” what seems to be happening is that the transformative demands are so outside of my conception of myself that I’m just acting out to avoid running the subliminal.

It’s a mystery to me, and even that insight doesn’t feel like it brings me much closer to releasing these blockages. All that insight really tells me is that I’m not ready for it, something I accept, however, I continue to process the subliminal and the transformative demands keep arising, I just can’t take action on them properly.

Me, myself, I cannot handle the transformative demands, and here we are, in this state of being unable to workout what’s going on.

Even microloops haven’t really worked and cause intense recon. While microlooping, I was able to better cope with the recon, however, these things continued on and on.

My decision is firm.

Looking forward. I’m running The Golden Cloak and WB for right this moment. I’ll call this day one, tenatively. I just ran my first loop and I’m feeling a slight exposure headache, so this might kickoff another quick washout to continue to allow things to settle. There is nothing to be gained from pushing forward and trying to white knuckle the process.

If all goes well and if I feel well, then I’ll run a full cycle of WB and The Golden One, perhaps with a loop or two of PS to see how I handle it with WB while I start planning my custom.

I was kicking around a lot of ideas for my custom. Given that my wealth custom works the way I expect it too, then I’ll probably build a WB and PS custom with a few modules to tailor it and then call the whole thing good. Given the density, I’ll probably shoot for about 5 modules total for this custom, no need to over do it, just get what I want and nothing else.

Then I’ll need to start planning a new career custom. Running this wealth custom will give me some valuable insight into the modules I’ve chosen. If all feels good and feels right, then my career custom will probably be my own version of Index Gate, but tailored to my very specific goals.

Getting a bit hazy now, but will likely also start my Khan journey this year. For that, I was thinking July as I’ve got some stuff coming up and though I’m confident that I can do it, I also don’t want to be in heavy recon when I have some things that I need to execute and preform on.

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#44

The loops did break the SB effect for now, when will it fully end? Well, probably after about 30 days.

Been wracking my brains again today, what is it. The signs are there, but I just can’t make sense of them and maybe that’s the whole point. Maybe the whole point is that SB is just so far beyond me that my subconcious just doesn’t know what to do or how to execute on the instructions.

There are some lessons that have become more crystal, patience, self trust, self belief.

Another theory I have is that SB is so far beyond my current reality that it’s causing all these unpleasant social and romantic effects because I’m projecting things energetically that others around me simply cannot accept yet.

To both, I’m not really sure if there is a workable solution at this moment in time, if ever tbh.

The results reversals are something that’s a little confusing to me still. Perhaps it could be related to what I said above, that the energy I’m projecting is so far above what I and others believe to be possible for me, that people are “ghosting” me the same way that people get ghosted on pheromones.

It’s all so interesting and passing strange.

Self trust, patience, focus, clarity, faith, and surrender to myself. Maybe that’s my new mantra for the moment.

Still giving Khan the eyes, and maybe I’ll start that sooner rather than later.

#45

Tbh, after the first full loop, I was honestly a little confused…I couldn’t “feel it” like straight up, could not feel a damn thing. Today, I’ve also not really been able to feel much of anything.

I got the mild exposure headache shortly after the loop yesterday, which was a clear indicator that it the script was received.

However, it’s just been so smooth that I almost began to wonder if it was even working. :sweat_smile:

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#46

Interesting wealth custom you got there. I will follow this journal.

#47

WB & The Golden Cloak - Cycle 1 - Day 2 - Rest

Well, let’s see what we do with this.

Like I said in the last post GldC is very smooth, pretty difficult to even notice, today I did have about 12 seconds of recon, it was literally just a single fear based though “what if I lose my job” which was all the evidence. In other news, WB just is me.

I may not be at the ultimate level of Seduction but all of the building blocks of the subliminal already exist within me. This became clear today, I was getting flashbacks to my childhood, and watching as the breadcrumbs lead me to being the man that I am.

For me, WB is a balancing of the forces, of my light and darkness.

So, I’m probably saying too much too soon, but I’ll probably just run this forever and build new customs to iterate on it and customize it to particular situations.

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#48

The Golden Cloak looks gorgeous!

Great minds and all that…

The Gentle Opening of an Oyster v4

I. Khan Black Stage 3 Core
II. Ascension Chamber Core
III. NWE Core
IV. Synergy: The Golden One
V. Synergy: Machine Totality
VI. Focus: Void of Creation
VII. Synergy: Carpe Vitam
VIII. Synergy: Divine Dominion
IX. AI Whisperer
X. Treasure Finder
XI. Free Pass
XII. DEUS
XIII. Fortune’s Favorite

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#50

WB & The Golden Cloak - Cycle 1 - Day 5 - The Golden Cloak

Ran TGC solo, full loop

Today marked my second loop of TGC, on day 3 of the cycle I did a solo 30 second micro loop of WB, today I did a solo full loop of TGC. Not really sure why, just followed my intuition, and it felt like the right call.

I can’t say much about TGC yet because it’s only been 2 loops, and I took a weekend after the first loop, today was my first day back at work.

First loop, didn’t really notice any serious recon, didn’t really notice anything at all TBH, just felt smooth, but I also didn’t really put myself in any positions to notice any effects.

Partied the last 3 days straight which breaks my 4 month long social dry spell. Met a ton of new people, got a bunch of compliments, and mixed with 3 new social groups. It felt amazing to get back in the world after feeling isolated for so long.

Today, I did feel some slight recon from TGC, which clued me in to why, in part, I’ve never been consistent with running my customs.

Customs just feel different, would we expect anything less? I mean, they’re name embedded.

With a standard program, I can feel it the second I expose, with every custom I’ve run so far, it’s difficult to “feel” which makes it very easy to fall into the trap of sub hopping.

Recon itself is a clue for results and processing, so the absence of feeling makes it easy to trick yourself into thinking it’s “not working”.

Tonight I even tried to convince myself that TGC was somehow an empty mask by mistake, then I remembered the slight processing headache I got from my first loop and I also remembered that there is no way that mistake would be made lol.

So, the plan is to stay on TGC for 3 cycles minimum with minimal stacking before I make any calls one way or the other.

Results

There was one thing that I noticed today, and noticed it pretty clearly, my interest in manifestation practice has come back into focus and I know it’s time for me to get back to the meditation cushion and get back to my spiritual practices, that I feel is the best way to make use of all this manifestation scripting.

Won’t say too much more, but it’s time for me to narrow my focus even more and start checking stuff off the list.

#51

WB & The Golden Cloak - Cycle 1 - Day 6 - Rest

Got slammed with SB recon today. This is now 15 days without exposure and I don’t feel much closer to resolving the issue. Part of me feels like if I were to run a breakthrough loop, it might do the trick, but then again, I’m just not feeling like that’s the wisest decision, especially not now. The SB recon started this morning.

The recon has been more relationship and social stuff. So, I breathe deeply and I’m going to just try and chill and let it pass.

#52

6/8/2024 TGC & WB Day 17 – TGC Full Loop & WB 3 Min Loop

Self sabotage has been the theme of the day.

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#53

How’s it going?

#54

Going alright. I’m kinda in a no-mans land atm and I don’t really know what to do, tbh. I’m sure it’s not as deep as it feels, but alas.

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#55

Cycle 1 - Day 2 - Rest - Wanted Black, The Golden Cloak, New Primal

Tomorrow will be my first loop of the new primal.

I’m embracing a new strategy, I will embrace only what I want to be true and pretty much just ignore anything that doesn’t align with my desires.

It’s become clear to me that if i give my mind an inch, it’ll take it a mile, and there is simply no point in entertaining anything outside of what I want to create in life.

So, let it be done.

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#56

Cycle 1 - Day 3 - New Primal Full Loop - Wanted Black, The Golden Cloak, New Primal

Played around on chat GPT earlier today: prompting it with the product copy for Primal and WB and asking it some questions, I liked what I read.

According to chatGPT the Primal and WB mixture is very much celebrity/influencer vibes. This was already what I thought before asking GPT, but seeing the idea reflected back to me by a machine did make me smile.

However, ultimately, what I express on Primal and WB will be me, nothing more, nothing less.

On the earlier note about not entertain thoughts that don’t align with my desires, it struck me today that I have little buisness “listening” to my internal monologuing.

It’s really more about using my mind productively than listening to it.

Should be obvious, but hey, we all slip up sometimes and I certainly got in the habit of analysis paralysis in recent weeks.

We’re gonna take this journey slow and steady, journaling daily in public and private, and moving at the fastest sustainable pace.

WB will probably go down to microloops for the remainder of the cycle.

The big goal for this stack is overcoming what holds me back from having the type of relationship and career that I want.

All for now, I’m writing this while listening which is less effective lol.

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#57

Cycle 1 - Day 3 - New Primal Full Loop - Wanted Black, The Golden Cloak, New Primal

First Loop Primal Update

The immediate results while listening to the first loop was:

  • A sense that things would be easy for me from here on out.
  • A feeling that I don’t need to “listen” to my mind, and remembering that there is a huge difference between listening to intuition and listening to discursive thought.
  • The nature that all things are changing and changeable. Nothing is static, relationship dynamics that are one way today can change tomorrow and that I have the power and ability to effect how these dynamics change.
  • Who cares? Like really, who cares? What’s the use in getting so caught up in trivial stuff. Feels like getting caught up in trival stuff is really just a self-sabotaging pattern–scapegoating to avoid taking action.
  • Horny
  • My girl is really beautiful, isn’t she. Look at that stupid little face, with those stupid little glasses, I just wanna squeeze her.
  • Physical relaxation despite being on 4 hours of sleep and hungover–oops.
  • Groin forward body posture. Interesting, reminds me of an acting class I took ages ago where the instructor told us that we can communicate our character to the audience by the part of our body that leads us forward as we move: heart, head, groin. Groin forward tracks with Primal, based on my understanding of it.
  • More trust in my girlfriend and an understanding that my trust issues stem from myself and have little or nothing to do with other people.
  • Sense of self-trust. Do I trust myself? Well yeah, I guess I do because whenever I’ve EVER made up my mind to do something, I’ve done it. What’s there to fear? I already know that I can do whatever I want because I’ve proven it to myself.
  • Little interest in explaining myself to others. Like, I don’t–in this moment–feel like my behavior is in need of any explanation. Like, I feel justified in what I do and what I’ve done, even when I’ve done the wrong thing out of ignorance.
  • While listening, I couldn’t really feel anything. It was so, so, so soft and subtle that for about 5 seconds I thought it was an empty mask or that I played the wrong file.
  • To reiterate, again, the sense that Primal will be very easy for me. That life in general will be very easy for me.
  • Previous feelings of social insecurity fading. A subtle sense that it’s an honor to be my friend, and not the other way around.
  • Sense that I’m really the person that people want to be around, that I’m the one that brings the fun, that I’m the one that brings the life.

That’s about all for now…
That’s everything I noticed while actively running the loop and in the moments immediately after running while writing this post.

I guess I’m off to work now to make some money.

Let’s start passing out applications this and next week, figure some stuff out.

I’ll hit the gym tomorrow.

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#58

Cycle 1 - Day 3 - New Primal Full Loop - Wanted Black, The Golden Cloak, New Primal

First Loop Primal Results

Leaving for work, I held my gf for a long time. It felt totally different 100% male holding a 100% female, hard to explain, it was really an energy thing.

An enormous bug flew into my car while driving. I pulled off to a gas station, got a paper towel, and pulled it out of the car by it’s wing. I’ve always been terrified of bugs, fear faced. Lol, weird one, but a good one.

Was stuck in the car with a psychotic man for about 2 hours, who was possibly just released from jail earlier. I say “possibly” because I caught him in so many delusional lies, that it’s impossible to say how much of what he said was true. Point is, it was a stressful situation, and yet…I was so calm, so kind, so easy going. I treated him with kindness and respect, even though I could see straight through him.

Stopped at a grocery store for lunch, lady behind me in line dropped her keys after she saw me. I turned around and she got all shy, started fixing her hair, and giving me doe eyes. Got some eyes from a cute girl at a gas station. In general, seems like women are already responding, and responding quick.

Ate junk food and got hit with a sharp sense of depression, realized almost instantly that I felt that way because I was betraying my own body. It was an interesting realization.

Applying for a real estate job and bartending job tomorrow. Just feels right, idk, so let’s do it.

Very clear headed and grounded. I feel close to earth, stable, level headed, sensible.

Gonna rebuild my wealth custom and add True Sell to support with the real estate gig.

edit: grammar and adding results

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#59

Cycle 1 - Day 4 - Rest - Wanted Black, The Golden Cloak, New Primal

Results

The New Mindset is the one, two, action plan. It’s straightforward. When I realize that I’m doing something ineffectively, wrong, etc. I notice, accept, and correct as quickly as humanly possible. No rumination, no thinking, no analyzing. Notice and correct. 1, 2, that’s all.

I applied for the real estate mentorship. Did the screening test and submitted my application. Feel pretty good about it.

Went to the gym today, first full on workout in months, felt good.

Strength train, total body, all compound lifts, once per week, minimum. Ideal workout plan is…

Total body strength once per week:

  • Bench 4 x 8-14
  • Pull-up 4 x 8-14
  • Overhead press 4 x 8-14
  • Overhand Barbell Row 4 x 8-14
  • Barbell Squat 4 x 8-14
  • Deadlift 4 x 8-14
  • Plank 3 x 1 minute

Yoga 30-60 min/week
Dance classes 60 min + per week

Time to shower and then go ask about the bartending job, then a party later tonight.

The Shifted Mindset

When I correct my behavior, I have nothing to apologize for, nothing to explain, nothing to feel about, and nothing to think about. It’s really simple, do something stupid, then do something better. It’s really that simple. There is no reason to think or ruminate about anything, it’s just a fucking waste of life and time, utter bull shit.

Driving home from the gym, I realized that I’m already Primal, I’m already Wanted Black, and I’m already The Golden Cloak. This programming is within me already, I’m already all these things, it’s really just a simple matter of allowing the scripting to express itself. Just take the action and get out of your own way so what you already are, what’s already within you can express itself.

On the note of shifted mindset, last night, while driving home from work, I was reliving and reframing some experiences from my past, and I felt this sense of complete acceptance and self-forgiveness about all these events. It was really that simple, it’s related to what keeps coming out: I don’t need to apologize for anything, because all the “bad” that I’ve done was simply ignorance and pain, there’s nothing to apologize for, and therefore, I forgive myself completely and totally for all my sins and missteps.

To say more about insights from yesterday, when thinking about the real estate stuff, I was able to logically talk away all my fears and misgivings about the idea without any resistance or pain. It was as if all I needed to do was think about the “problems” that I saw, and investigation was enough to cause them to vanish because I was able to see how illogical and irrational all my fears were.

That’s all for now. Tomorrow is WB and TGC.

#60

Cycle 1 - Day 5 - New Primal Full Loop - Wanted Black, The Golden Cloak, New Primal

I have already won. I get every job that I want. I’m happily married to my beautiful wife. We live together in a beautiful home that we own together. I work a job that fulfills me deeply, makes me happy, and pays me over 10k a month. Life is fun, life is beautiful. My family lives in peace and harmony. I have a midas touch. Everything I touch becomes better than it was before I found it. I am the sovereign of my reality. I am the ruler of my reality. My wife and I are both happy and in perfect health. I am wealthy. I am loved. I am liked. I have an abundance social life. I have so many friends. I’m popular. I’m liked and loved and well known and respected. Life is easy for me. Life is effortless for me. I get what I want, when I want it. I have effortless and abundant wealth. I have effortless and abundant love. I am socially intelligent. I am kind. I am a good man. I am beautiful and tall. I am lean and sexy. I always say and do the right thing to bring about harmony and joy and peace in my life. My relationship is effortless and beautiful. I already have all that I desire. People are happier when I’m around. I brighten every room that I enter with my radiant, loving, and fun aura. I’m effortless in all that I do. Everything comes easy for me. Life is so effortless for me it always was and always will be. Money, love, friendship, and fun flow effortlessly into my life at all times.

Life is beautiful and I’m glad to be here and to be living it effortlessly.

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#61

Cycle 1 - Day 6 - Rest - Wanted Black, The Golden Cloak, New Primal

The essence of this title for me is freedom from the “hard choices.” Why choose between x and y when you can have xy^2? You know? Why make those “hard choices?” Why choose between popularity and deep connection, between love and fun, between wealth and adventure, between self-respect and empathy for others? Why choose?

There are only choices, the “choice between” is only an illusion.

Reading through the product description again today, I saw several qualities that have already manifested in just two loops.

Social intelligence, getting less caught up in the opinions and feelings of others, being more authentic, more calm and level headed. More relaxed, and far more optimistic.

I can see now that it’s all just my choice, so make choices.

I love every objective in the list and the change in thinking has already been instant.

It’s like a cloud has lifted, like smoke has cleared from my vision.

Some Results

Applied for both jobs and got an offer for a third job that I wasn’t expecting. Reached out to an old manager to ask him for a reference, and he offered me a job at his new restaurant. Working with him again would be great, we had great chemistry, and it was always a good time.

Got another random job offer today, this time from my brother. It’s a sales job. So the opportunity is there, tonight I’ll apply and then spend some time asking myself what exactly I want out of a job.

Earnings have been great today, and as of right now, I’m fully on track to hit my goal by end of work day.

Had a great conversation with a real estate lawyer earlier, it was interesting, I found myself being able to catch and correct potential social “errors” in the moment.

Talked to a new friend earlier, light, playful, and fun.

Feeling both optimistic and good about the future.

Easy, easy is my mantra. Let’s do it all easy

Few other good conversations during work today, in general socializing just feels so much easier with pretty much everybody, and that’s how it should be. I should be able to enter any circle, no matter what it is.

Dramatic situation resolved itself naturally, putting me in a great position.

I can take no credit, all I did was ask and receive.

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#62

Cycle 1 - Day 7 - New Primal - Wanted Black, The Golden Cloak, New Primal

Social ease is getting even easier. A few quick jokes today that landed, also more socially perceptive in a way that is mostly non-judgemental. Just an understanding of how people are.

Greater appreciation for the differences between people, how our minds work, and how we all interact with reality in different ways. In a sense, it feels like I’m seeing through the illusions of lameness and gaining an appreciation for difference.

Very optimistic, and just generally feeling good about life, what I’m doing, etc.

My thinking is very, very relaxed, and tbh, there isn’t much internal monolog going on. It’s thinking in a more embodied way and a less intellectual and detached way. Not really sure how to explain it, but there are different modes of thinking, they aren’t all equal, and I like this mode.

On the note of thinking, I’m fully emotional. I’ve been angry, I’ve cried, and I’ve laughed in the last few days, however, the way I express and feel emotions is different. I’m less attached to the emotions themselves and they seem to just move through my body without getting stuck.

I feel fast, emotionally, that’s a good way of putting it…it feels more like how emotions should be felt and processed, we already know (and if you didn’t know before, then I’m letting you in on the secret now) that emotions getting “stuck” and lingering for long periods of time isn’t psychologically good for us. I guess I’m analyzing as I write and explain the experience, I would say that my emotions feel healthier.

For example, I got mad at my gf last night, it was justified given the situation, but it was just a quick flash of anger, then it dissipated almost instantly. She apologized, and the moment was settled.

Today, the memory did come up once or twice, and my emotional orientation to the event felt totally different, more positive, less attached, less frustrated, less judgemental.

Call it less anxious, I guess.

Today is day three of new primal. I’ve been soloing it since the first loop, and will probably finish this cycle soloing new primal, it just feels like the right call at the moment.

The big theme so far is fast–near instant–behavioral adjustments.

In many ways, I already feel like I have embodied the subliminal, I don’t feel like I need to “go anywhere” or “learn anything.”

Quite the contrary, it feels like every listen is simply an opportunity for me to improve and deepen what I already am.

That’s all for now.

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