Found an exert from my offline journal I wanted to share with you guys so you could see how I do it. Journaling is something i’ve only fairly recently started to do but the clarity it gives to my thinking has been unbelievable.
“Yo, relapse today but this evening I feel amazing. Why? Potentially because i cut out caffeine? I felt EXHAUSTED earlier, like dangerously tired it was horrible. This evening however, so damn good. But, i feel huge urges to swap stack. Why? Because it feels like it’s not working. But is that true when i’m literally saying right now how good I feel? Unlikely, I relapsed and maybe i’m just trying to draw a positive from it by switching stack. Almost as if i’m blaming it on the stack and saying it’s because i wasn’t listening to the right sub. That seems dangerous. That’s not healthy. I relapsed because i dreamt about relapsing and didn’t prepare myself for the urges it would bring.”
It seemed appropriate given the topic of the post but you can see that by being brutally honest and questioning myself about exactly how and what I was feeling, I avoided falling for recon and switching up my stack yet again.
I basically just write down how I feel and then ask why, for some reason physically writing out the word “Why” really seems to help me delve into it. I dont go back and read my old entries, although it might actually help to. I suppose i just use it as a form of self therapy.