PizzaShaman’s journal - Ongoing

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#44

8/15 Morning Time!

So it begins!

I work in food service at a college. Today is my first day of work this week, and it’s also the week that the students return to campus. So, growing numbers of mouths to feed, day by day, increasing to full capacity by next week.

I welcome the return. Having my normal work schedule back allows me to be more focused, if I choose. I find it easier to plan tasks around my work day for some reason; my days off are usually unfocused but relaxing. It also lends help to my diet and eating patterns. There is a far greater variety of healthy food to choose from at work than there is at home, and at work, lunch is free too. :smiley:

More money for customs!
Lol.

Got a ticket in regarding a dual core only custom. I’m hoping such a thing will fly. Actually, I’d like to find out if I can put a major title core in a custom build by itself. So then, a voice embedded major title would be…what, $144? Good to know.

I’m recalling something Saint wrote recently, regarding modules, how the ideas or beginnings of a module are pulled from the major titles. Seeing other tidbits of that as well, like how majors are suspected to have DEUS and Mosaic and Yggdrasil in already. At least, some version of some of the scripting of those modules. I think it could be beneficial to see what Major Title inspired what modules, and to what degree (perhaps a ballpark figure) an included module could enhance and expand the scripting in the major title core.

For example: The Revelation of Mind appears (to me) to have parts/shades of Information Releaser, Energetic Development XI, The Merger of Worlds among others. I think I would appreciate knowing that including ED XI in with RoM core enhances or expands ED XI goals by 50% (made up number).

Something along these lines. Might just be some mental exercising.

Rest day today. Tomorrow KBC3 and WB.

Til next time!

2 Likes
#46

On the contrary, I’d be happy for the company. :slight_smile:

Those Wanted Black results sound awesome.

Also, cool that you’re two stages ahead of me in Khan Black. What an amazing journey that is.

#47

8/18 Morning Time!

Yesterday was BUSY. Today will be more of the same, students moving in and families needing fed. I made a LOT of product yesterday, matching my previous record.

A sub result, not sure what to credit however. Perhaps Khan Black? Maybe Wanted Black? Dunno.
My wife asked me if I wanted to have sex last night twice and I turned her down. Twice. I wanted to save my energy for the work weekend.
Makes sense.
Logical.

But I have never done that before. Never would. Why turn down sex? Its so fun! The release! WEEEE! Also, having addictive tendencies never helped, and in recovering from porn addiction I never thought I’d get to this point.

But I said no.

Miracles happen with SubClub!

1.5 min KBC3
3 min Self Enhancement Custom

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#48

8/19 Morning Time!

Well, a little bit of progress: I didn’t smoke near as much upon awaking as I usually do. Felt extra full of sexual energy when I woke up, the cannabis took the edge off for now. I may end the morning shower with cold water today, that will help as well.

Even so. The magnetism grows! I have experimented with this before; periods of retention. If I’m able to make it two weeks (for me, a mighty feat!), my interactions at work are vastly better, a “night vs day” comparison. With Khan Black Stage 3, yesterday felt like a 2 week stint, but I was only a week in. My department director did something to ensure my working comfort himself, which is some sort of wild result, as he openly admits he’s not that kind.

I would encourage everyone who makes it to Stage 3 of Khan Black to have a period of sexual retention and observe things, and compare it to a time of …normal releasing activity? :smiley: It might sound daunting for some, but KB helps.

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#49

Oh. I was also reading other things on here today.

In doing so, the thought had crossed my mind: Man, I’d love personal replies from Saint and Fire too.

But then I recalled immediately that I’ve had some:

Yeah dude! Nice gratitude feeling after rereading those. Also, good links.

1 Like
#50

So have you been using Revelation of Mind more or less continuously since March 30?

What do you think about where it is taking you and about what your mind is doing with it?

What are the parts of your internal process of which you are currently most aware?

#53

More or less. I was still hopping around with titles in April, but I settled with RoM when my custom arrived first week of May.

I think my mind is using it to take me to myself. Ha. That’s what comes up right this moment, Mr. Malkuth. :pray: I had started it with the hopes of finally finding “my purpose”, with the intent of using found purpose as a navigational marker for my life, as I have always felt adrift. I don’t think it’s going to come about that way, a BAM IN YOUR FACE “This is what you should have been doing with your life. Get started now” type moment. But there have been things. A coworker giving a suggestion as to what he could see me doing: Speaking. On what is up to me, but he could see me speaking in front of people.That’s the second universe nudge in that direction that I’ve had.

I am playing to my strengths now, as I understand them, and don’t try to be anything that I’m not. Human Design gives me a good structure to express my understanding, so I use that. I’m not designed to be a Leader of men. I don’t have that energy. I’m designed to Seek Knowledge and Bear Witness, and to use stories gained from both to educate and advise. When asked, (and until I learned some restraint, unasked) I can provide Judgement. I also have Mutative energy, so I carry Change (circumstance or situation, not coins! lol) wherever I go.

It’s a mixed bag.

Hmmm. Here’s one for you. This is recent too. I’ve been married twenty years, and I’ve always been mad with my wife for never initiating things with me, even though (now I know) she’s not designed that way (her words). We had another argument about it a couple days ago. I had the realization yesterday that I simply want to be asked and that’s my Type. So, I asked her: to return the ask, in the future when I inquire about coitus, and no more problems should result. Working theory. :slight_smile:

I am gaining understanding and acceptance of myself simultaneously, and a greater sense of what is and isn’t for me.

Can you reword this please? I’m having trouble answering this. Please and thank you.

#54

Similar to the world around me, the world inside of me seems to have varied topography and conditions. Some parts are sunny, some parts shrouded in shadow, some parts underwater, some accessible, some inaccessible.

There are usually some parts of my internal world and internal processes that are easier for me to be aware of at any given moment.

I’ll have times during which I’m most aware of anxiety and the fear of change. Then there’ll be other times when I feel very comfortably nostalgic, and am mainly aware of processing memories of the past. And on and on.

Was just asking, what is seeming most active and accessible inside of you and your mind at this time?

#56

Thank you sir!

Your question tells me how vastly far ahead in personal progress you are compared to myself. You, the sage in a mountaintop abode. Myself, a journeyman, familiar with being in the foothills but not aware of the landscape. Imma do my best.

I’ve been very aware lately of how I’ve kept myself small. Hmmm. Kept my energy low, maybe that’s better put. I had always felt that fully expressed, I was too much. With the realization lately of self love, I’m not too much, so it’s been far easier to let my energy build up and be more of myself. I don’t need to keep myself down like I do with the cannabis, like I did with the porn and masturbation. It’s alright to be me, because then what is for me will appear and be distinct. That’s been playing into my relationship with my wife as well, because I get unsure at times if she’ll still want to be with …me.

I suppose I should pay more attention to HOW I am feeling at times. I usually write it off bad feelings as a neurochem imbalance due to whenever I released last, and try to ignore how I’m feeling, OR shunt the negative stuff as soon as possible. I can carry and transfer an emotional charge, and I dislike bringing stuff home from work. Mental note here to analyze the pop up thoughts more.

The other active stream I’m aware of currently is whatever speech stuff is in WB. Good Lord. I’ve had problems talking to people my entire life and that has largely vanished over the past month or so. Now, small talk is far, far easier. Witty answers and responses just pop in my head like magic. I no longer feel awkward about what I say , or if it arises, its immediately dismissed with a kind of ‘coaching analysis’ on how to do better. It’s really cool.

Thank you for the questions! Gets my mind working.

1 Like
#57

I find that when I turn down women, I say, “I really appreciate that, how about [insert another time]?”

That way it might buffer any feelings of rejection.

1 Like
#58

@RVconsultant If you could remove the 2 uses of my former handle in my 1st post, I would appreciate it so much. First line, last line.

And the image from post 17 please. Last mention of my old handle I can see.
Please and thank you!

It sounds like you have much more experience with that than I. Heh.

I wasn’t mean about it, if anyone is wondering. I pointed out I was in the middle of my busiest work week, and she understood. Even worked out in her favor as something came up that night and she needed time for it.
I will however be adding that line to the playbook. :wink:
As always, thank you sir!

#59

8/23 Morning Time!

1 min WB
1.5 min Self Enhancement custom

Custom order placed!

BDLM
WANTED: Black core
Prevent Premature Ejaculation
Soul Connection
Reignition
DEUS
Yggdrasil
Omnidimensional

Resisted the urge to load it up. Woooo! Gunna be SICK AF to get that name embed with those two cores. I’m pumped.

Wifey was willing last night but I was able to practice restraint. Going to need a lot of that this week. Per Human Design, the sun energy this week is good for boomboom. That’s usually where I end up. It was funny to learn how two of my kids were born 9 months after this week’s energy.

Heh. Let’s nip that ramble in the bud. Anywho, you have to start controlling your sexual energy if you wanna master it, so some practice this week is in order. I plan on going to the gym after work tonight, so any sort of sexual activity prior would take away from that. Past that, I know my wife has a very busy week ahead so it would help household harmony if I can practice control. It could be fun to see if she’ll come to me again. We’ll see.

Sexual Energy Transmutation is Simple. Just do something else and put your energy there.:slight_smile: Notice I didn’t say easy…

Had a great day at work yesterday. I got out of active service for the evening meal and was able to prep ahead by myself. If I am able to listen to my music and sing while I work, I am a happy employee indeed. Good music gives good vibes, and good vibes go into good food.

Til next time!

3 Likes
#60

Actually made it to the gym tonight. Realized it has been near 4 years since I was there last.

21:13 on the rowing machine
4k distance

I don’t know what kind of result that is, but after a ten hour shift I’ll gladly take it.

I’ll find out tomorrow what muscles I worked. Haha

3 Likes
#61

8/25 Morning Time!

Normally I’d be listening today, but its a rest day, even though I want to listen. :slight_smile: Must be the positive stuff in there. I get more of it in my life now then I used to, but it’s still comforting to have that ‘on tap’ so to speak.

I had a custom all planned out for my wife, got her approval on the modules and all. When I got to actually building it in the menu this morning, I stopped. She doesn’t run subs unless I remind her, so I’m feeling that these (subs) aren’t for her. At least, they don’t resonate with her enough for her to keep going on her own. She’s already got main titles l’ve gotten for her.

So, BOOM! QTKS payment saved instead, and now I got all the loot set aside for that. Sweetness! Now for KBC4 core to get released and get that custom sorted out. Having sexual energy mastery flow into my life? Yes please! I’ve been aiming for this for the past 3.5 years as a major course correction for my life. I’m already feeling much better and in possession of more control over my libido. I want to take it to a whole…notha…level.

I plan on going to the gym tomorrow for another rowing workout. Got a buddy meeting me there so I’m more likely to keep that appointment and do the work.

I am looking forward to my weekend off. Still got Alchemist to pick up over the next two days. I’m thinking i’ll get the core and see about upgrading the package later on. Should just be a support ticket to do so.

Oh. I noticed a HUGE difference in recon between 1 min and 1.75min of WB. Start small.

A wise man once wrote, “Instead of bemoaning your fate, strategize around your nature.”
Daily reminder!

1 Like
#63

30:13 on the rowing machine
Resistance level 8
6017 meters

Hell yeah!

2 Likes
#64

Thank you Saintsovereign for releasing Khan Black stage 4 while I was napping!

I should wait until tomorrow. I know I want my initial listen to be 5 minutes.

The anticipation though. Like a perfect nugg of some sticky icky sitting on your desk, waiting to be sampled.

1 Like
#65

BDLM/WB custom received! SubClub is kicking ass again today!

I was just hoping to get it in time for my Wednesday listen. Now to stick to the plan and wait until then. Unless I listen to all muh new stuff tonight.

Speaking of…Alchemist just ordered! Stage 1 tomorrow with KBC st 4 and Ascension Chamber. DR:LD back in for a microloop next Monday.

I’m pleased with myself for working with KBC in sequential order. I’m planning on using that discipline for working with Alchemist, allowing it to unfold properly.

I’m forecasting a “Revelator” custom for myself. RoM, RoS, RoD, RoB when released. Long term running. I’m sure i’m not the only one with this plan.

Time for some offline QTKS theorycrafting. Or Baldur’s Gate 3. Or both

1 Like
#66

8/28 Morning Time!

Woke up and started my day off with 5 minutes of Khan Black: The Crucible Stage 4. Then my wife wanted sex. I obliged! Not a huge release but then I wasn’t really looking to anyways, so it shall suffice. I was considering the gym today, go get a row in, but I think I’d be wiser to chill on that until tomorrow. The energy shifts tomorrow morning, according to Human Design, and I’ll likely enjoy a better result.

First day of school here, so my 2 youngest were off to high school while my oldest left for college class a short while ago. I hope they have good days. I remember first days myself.

Finished 5 minutes of Alchemist Stage 1 a short while ago. Very interesting. I was starting to feel full in muh brain, and I clicked tabs over to see that I was a couple seconds from 5 minutes. Exactly my plan for today! I will give it a few hours and then go for my 7 minutes of Ascension Chamber. That stuff is magic.

I had the realization that my qtks build/plan will have to unfold. I feel pulled in that direction, I Know it is for me. Fine. No clear build is jumping out at me, other than KBC4 in QTKS is haxx for me. Also fine. I can start smaller and iterate up, learn as I go. That’s the usual method for me. For now, for me, a KBC4 ZP custom is the next appropriate step. Gives me a different question to work with too. Now it is, “What would I combine with KBC4 to best serve me?” I know I can keep that custom small if I choose. Could be just 5 modules!

The thought just occured to me that the Stop Porn module inclusion could likely help with intrusive thoughts. I haven’t looked at porn in years, but I think about my wife’s booty alot. It’s far easier to keep a retention streak going when you aren’t battling horndog thoughts. It’s better to not even get started.

Interesting how I go back and forth between the two extremes. I enjoy the hedonism as much as the asceticism, albeit in a different way. I have never known balance there. One of the reasons for Alchemist I think, the balancing aspect of stage 2. Tantalizing!

1 Like
#67

Yeah dude. This song has a piece of my soul. Something within stirs and soars…

#68

8/29 Morning Time!

The work week begins, for me, today. It’s going to be a long stretch too, as I’m forecasting having to work part of my next Saturday off. Overtime built into my schedule too. But…bigger monies await afterwards. Provided it continues into the next schedule, I should be able to afford a rowing machine for home by the end of September. Wife AND son have expressed interest in that activity, so I’m aiming there now. If I save for a month and continue with my gym visits (intention recorded here: at least 20 minutes on the rower tonight after work!!), I"ll feel good about getting that rower. If I save for a month and my gym visits drop off, well then at least I’ve still saved. I’m looking into a Concept2 Model D rowing machine, if anyone was wondering. :slight_smile:

I’m feeling pretty good about this one though, like it will last me awhile. I’ve felt myself rowing internally. Does that sound odd? Part of me is practicing the rowing motion, in my head and in my body, although I’m not moving. It felt kind of weird when I first noticed it a couple days ago. I wonder now if going to the gym last Wed night affected my low recon Thursday. Hmmm. Not going to be able to duplicate that this week, since I won’t go tomorrow night as well as tonight, plus the listening is gunna be different. I think I’m going to go hard with 3 minutes on WANTED:BDLM tomorrow. 3 minutes Alch 1 too. Yeah dude.

I realized l can put pretty much whatever I want with KBC4 in a custom. It’s a Self Enhancer sub, from my point of view. Mastery of one’s sexual energy inevitably leads to some level of accumulation of one’s energy. As more of your own energy accumulates, more of you adds up. I had kept my own energy at barrel bottom for near 20 years. It wasn’t too long ago I concluded it was because I had such a fear of rejection. Now, as I’ve grown to love myself (Thanks SubClub!), I have a much easier time letting my energy build up. I allow myself to be myself. Hmmm. That line just came to me.

Anywho, rambling again. Imma put a few modules in with KBC4 in a custom, prolly end of the week. A few things I’ve been curious about and wanted to try out. :slight_smile: Like Book Blitz, Treasure Finder, Mystery. Mimisbrunnr!! Maybe Cosmic Navigator. That art has always spoken to me and I like the module concept. Alexandria and Informaticon. Symphony of the Glyphs and Void of Creation. The possibilities…

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