PizzaShaman’s journal - Ongoing

[PizzaShaman]

Evening Time!

7 minutes of Ascension Chamber was done this afternoon. Watched most of the DnD movie. Made and ate some chipped steak and hummus with some fruit.

I feel on edge and full of energy, and it’s after 10pm. I imagine this will be a sleepless night. It happens when I quit. I find it very irritating. I likely should have had a rowing workout today, but that didn’t happen. When I awake, before work, I’ll get it done.

Writing about my father and that time today stirred up lots of memories and emotions within. I felt sad for a bit. I wish I had found my stride, so to speak, twenty years ago. I believe I’d be able to relate to my father better now, have a greater understanding, but he’s gone and that’s that. I also felt some anger with my wife. Her words at the time …were not helpful. Sigh. Telling her this will do no good. She will get more defensive and on edge. I’m also aware that I’m reviewing the past with the lens of today: Present Day PizzaShaman is angry at his past self for not sternly rebuking her words. That does no good either.

It was easy to avoid my own shit by getting high. Not anymore.

[PizzaShaman]

[Lion]

Yo Shaman! Would encourage you to work in Lineage: Mandate Eternal (or a custom with it) into your stack.

Am currently running the main store version and it is smoothing things with my family real fast. Also releasing a lot of childhood trauma.

Will finish a cycle in a week and then give a review. But thought I would put in a good word for it seeing that you are facing the heat these days.

That or Emperor: House of Medici.

Do consider.

[PizzaShaman]

10/18 Morning Time!

Day 3 THC free.

Well. Let’s get the listening recorded, and then into yesterday.

3 minutes ALCH2
1.5 minutes DR:LD

We’ll see if the addition of DR:LD gives me some recon. I hope not.

Yesterday was interesting. I awoke full of energy again, loving that lately. I got the workout in before work like I wanted. I didn’t go as hard as I normally would have. I’ve been getting a lot of information via those damn short videos regarding workouts, and I think I’ve been going a bit too hard. I want to ensure fat burn so I need to slow up my rowing pace a lil bit, keep myself from dipping into sugar burn for fuel.

Wife was emotional again the night prior to yesterday. I spend too much time on here; ‘always typey typey’ and not spending time with her. On the computer too much! She was glad I’ve ‘found a community’ but felt…what? Left behind? I don’t know.

<EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS A CHURCH COMMUNITY AND YOU DO NOT HAVE ONE OUTSIDE OF HERE?>

Thank you, Inner Shaman. I’m aware. I’m also aware she’s been projecting a lot of her inner stuff. I must think this about her, or that. (this and that are both negative) Neither is true!

I went to work. Good day overall. I was on day 6 since “release” and my energy was getting real good. Great interactions all day long, including one with the professor of my daughter’s sociology class. My magnetic self in action! My …awareness? Energetic sensitivity? Not sure of what to term it, but it’s up as well. That professor, well, I knew who it was even with his back turned to me, and this guy only comes in for food twice a year.

I felt really good all day long. Really fucking good. Calm, balanced, a sense of equilibrium within. Chilled out libido! I don’t know what core or module scripting to credit, but I’m thankful.

Despite the marital stress lately, I invested time visualizing a more pleasant version of my wife interacting with me instead of giving in to the ‘energetic reversal’ thoughts of simply mirroring to her what she’s been doing to the family. It paid off; we chatted amicably all day long on Snapchat and she was in a good mood when I got home.

It’s an uncertainty as to what to do after work now. The normal routine was to go blaze up; last night I sat on the couch and watched Suits with my oldest and my wife. My mother told me about this show years ago; said I reminded her of the main character Mike Ross, at least in brain power and capabilities. I don’t know if I’d agree with her after watching it.

Went to bed. Fell asleep easily enough I suppose. It’s not as bad as last time I stopped smoking, at least so far. Ended up snuggling with my wife sometime in the middle of the night which lead to sex! There goes 6 days of retention.

My biggest problem with not smoking IS sex. I never really had sex sober in my life; I have always been high for it. It allows me to last longer. Last night was very very premature! On entry! Feels wasteful to just lose my energy like that. Not sure what to do, I don’t want to add a sex sub back in to my stack. It will resolve somehow.

Fell back asleep and slept good though. My wife seems much happier today. She was glad for the relations last night, admitting in some chat that she was putting her shit on everyone else. In feeling sad at work yesterday however, she took time to think through some things and figured some stuff out. She’s finally lost some weight and is feeling good about getting some results that are easy to digest.

Nearly out of time now. Looks like an easy lunch service for me today, but dinner will be busy. It’ll go well.

Thank you @Lion for the suggestion! I will say that I’m committed to my stack until at least the end of this year. I will consider it for next year’s runs however, and I could see it in a custom. I may end up recommending the store title for my wife. An interesting synchronicity today: Your suggestion came through 2 minutes after my wife stated to me she wants to be a good wife and a good mom.
A blessing on your day!

[Lion]

@PizzaShaman

will consider it for next year’s runs however, and I could see it in a custom.

A custom with the Lineage and Dynasty modules will also do the job for keeping a good relationship with your family. That’s in case you want save a spot by leaving out Lineage: Mandate Eternal Core.

@PizzaShaman

An interesting synchronicity today: Your suggestion came through 2 minutes after my wife stated to me she wants to be a good wife and a good mom

Wow!

@PizzaShaman

A blessing on your day!

Blessings to you too, brother!

[PizzaShaman]

@Yazooneh

You love yourself enough to say no to the world weakening you and saying yes to strengthening yourself. You’re choosing to be a beast

@RagnarLothbrok

In a world where everyone stuff their faces with junk, don’t workout, scroll on tiktok all day and fuck up their mental health and act mindlessly with no self love and zero self care, we love our selves by disciplining our self thru hard workouts, pain and suffering.

I never thought about that, not in this way.

I always wondered to myself, why people dont workout, how can someone not workout, it didn’t make sense at all, i guess they don’t care about themselves.

This is some good stuff. Saving it here for posterity. Thank you Ragnar and Yazooneh!

[PizzaShaman]

Discount!

[RagnarLothbrok]

Chosen Emperor stack?

[PizzaShaman]

10/19 Morning Time!

Day 4 THC free.

I noticed the difference yesterday in having a lower energy level, having that middle night release. It was still a decent day, just lower in the amount of “stand out” good interactions. I imagine I’ll see a bigger difference today, as I released some more energy this morning. Big wink incoming:

It was enjoyable to be able to last longer than .5 seconds without the aid of marijuana. As far as stopping that habit goes, my sleep is …ok. I woke up often last night. There’s no room for Paragon Sleep or RoD at the moment. I shall endure. My mood has been good. Gymfather commented at work that my energy levels seem to be up. Thanks brother!

I had another good talk with my wife last night. She caught me looking at subs again! I was doing some thinking and preliminary planning for next year. Wife was curious what was in my stack so I broke it down for her. Might as well get it down here too, little refresher:

• Alchemist (currently Stage 2)

InnerWork V1 ZP

Revelation of Mind Core
Mind’s Eye Core
KBC4 Core
Deep State
Mosaic
DEUS
Pragya
Empath
All-Seeing
Eagle Eye
Awakened Perception
Jupiter
Dominion
Subconscious Flow
Mercy Protocol
Way of Understanding
Yggdrasil
Omnidimensional
Fusion Optimized
Mimisbrunnr

HeroWork V1 ZP

HERO Core
SPARTAN Core
RM:UWx Core
Carpe Diem Ascended
Organization Perfected
Cosmic Navigator
Negativity Displacer
Stop Porn and Masturbation
Shifter-Sexiness
Stonelike
SPS Fat Burn
Inexhaustable
Virtuoso de Musica
Dance Mastery
Stronger
Manipulus
Gentleman’s Speech
Void of Creation
Divine Will
DEUS

I talked about why I included certain modules, and that lead to discussing my wife’s own goals and what’s in her stack. She was expressing concern over her sub shifting, which I agreed with, but I pointed out that I was doing my best to advise while not really knowing her goals. Wife was missing Genesis, and (I think) giving herself recon with the Spartan/Symmetry combo and not supporting it with the workouts that had dropped to the wayside. She worked out some sub goals during our talk, and per my suggestion (and my own implementation of @ksub 's consistent advice to stick to subs) decided on at least a 3 month run of Chosen, Spartan, and Genesis. Spartan to work on her dietary/health/fitness goal, Genesis cause she likes it, and Chosen…my wife is very involeved in church, and I thought that Chosen would be of assistance with her goals for that. After reading the description and objectives to her, she liked that choice of sub. She’s on washout until Monday now; her last listening was this past Monday.

I saw your post @RagnarLothbrok while I’m typing this up. Emperor is a …back up plan for me. Use in Case of Emergency! Chosen is for my wife. I may give it a whirl at some point; the core sounds like it would jive well with HERO Origins. Actually I think there was a support ticket posted that confirms that. Depends on the future HERO releases as well.

Next year will be interesting. I’m contemplating a Dragon Reborn run. I’ll have to do more reading on here to formulate a potential gain for myself, to see if I would find the motivation to endure the recon. I’m considering a Paladin build (from over in the Module pack #13 thread) and also a Shaman type build. Perhaps the cores there would be CWON and Sage Immortal with supporting modules. Actually, any input on that one ( a Shaman archtype custom) would be appreciated.

That’s about it for now.

Blessings for all!

[PizzaShaman]

Recon on withdrawal on tiredness.

Fuck yeah.

[PizzaShaman]

@Simon

“People” spend thousands of dollars on all kinds of things – college degrees, cars, courses, custom subliminals, vacations, electronics, shoes, whatever.

Is “protecting people from scams” one of your gifts? That could be very frustrating.

I laughed out loud at my pizza station! Lifted me outta my funk. Thank you Simon!

[PizzaShaman]

When in doubt, row it out.

[PizzaShaman]

10/20 Noonish!

Day 5 THC free.

Slept very poorly, woke up nauseous and threw up.

Called off work. Not making pizza feeling like this.

The headache! Still, I’m going to get my loops in.

3 min ALCH2
1.5 min InnerWork

Maybe more later. Maybe not.

Have a blessed day everyone.

[PizzaShaman]

10/13 Morning Time!

Day 8 THC free.

30 seconds HeroWork
1.5 minutes ALCH2

Blaaaaaaah.

More later.

[PizzaShaman]

Evening Time!

Alright, just finished up Ascension Chamber, 7 minutes.

Before that, I played 10 seconds of N.R.I.C.H.

We’ll see what happens. Hoping to keep recon low this week, hence the lower playtimes all around today.
HeroWork has been giving me big doses of recon the day after.

I was pretty ill the past few days. Saturday was the worst of the lot; I was sick out of both ends. That stuff hurts. Coupling that with my still poor sleep and I’m nowhere near 100%. My sleep is still poor because I haven’t had any THC. Only another week or so, I hope. Heh, then it gets worse, when the dreams start.

• I had a message delivered via Netflix: More work/family mixing up. Substituting my coworkers for family as I had not developed proper relationships with my childhood family. A showcase of my relationship with my mother on the TV screen. It made me sad, but let me know it’s something to work on. It hit hard, like the father/son soul reunion scene in Destiny of Souls by Micheal Newton. I remember reading that for the first time and having to walk away from my PC (where I found it). Something for a DR run, I suppose, or a future custom since I am committed to this stack until at least 1/1/24.

• I realized I may have bitten off more than I can chew with HeroWork. I believe I do alright but I’m no Malkuth or Palpatine with regard to what I can handle. Physical matter reality has limits, like my brain! Perhaps it’s a matter of some more “grinding” to “level up”, or I just need to take it slow for longer with that custom.

• Some sort of result for me, possibly Alchemist: Found a paper dissecting the Kolbrin! Right up my alley. The sort of thing I wish I could have written, had I the time, talent and motivation.

• Not sure what’s doing it, but I’ve been correcting what my wife says more. She says My kids vs Our Kids. Saying that we’ve been having, or were having, problems recently vs Her projecting stuff onto the relationship (my behavior and treatment of her hadn’t changed). Hmmm. I think I would best define the change as becoming Calmly Assertive and confident. It’s different from the WB vibe, for sure. Probably HeroWork in some fashion. Or, it occurs to me as I type, it could be Manipulus. Despite it being a thicc one, I like the modules in HeroWork.

• I felt like SHIT because I wasn’t able to do anything goal oriented over the weekend while I was ill. Like Luther would have been disappointed. His journal inspires me in that fashion. I wish I had beat porn at his age instead of when I did. Who knows where I’d be now? I know other people’s opinions don’t matter. I use whatever I can to get myself moving. <-Almost sounds like scripting when I read it aloud.

• Odd energy blockage in my left shoulder part after playing my loops this morning. I can feel it there still. I can qi gong tomorrow, so I’ll do that and hopefully it gets moving.

Wife should be starting Chosen today. (Not sure if she’s listened yet today or not) That will change some things, I’m sure. Just need her to stick to it and remember her stuff. I dislike having to tell her to listen and write stuff down like her listening schedule and, just maybe, journal or diary a bit.

• OH. In going over the MasterClass, I came to the realization that I was buying SubClub knockoffs about a year or so (maybe longer) before I found the real deal. The part about “Primers” gave it away. I always wondered why they just stopped releasing products! I’m theorizing it was around the time Qv was switching to ZP. Man, I had even written a email to that guy asking for something akin to a Khan Black subliminal. Thank GOODNESS I didn’t shell out the money for a custom through them! Woulda been at least 2k for some bullshit.

That’s about it for now. Apologies to myself for no story today over in my story thread. Next one will be the automatic writing story though, and I still have that physical copy so I can include some pictures when I get to it.

[PizzaShaman]

Leaving this here fer later! Something to tinker with for the upcoming year.

The Shaman v0.1

SAGE IMMORTAL CORE
CWON CORE

Mystic Osmosis
Elemental Opus
Destiny Directive
Arcane Mastery
Blue Skies
Avatar
Formless Clarity
Stillmind
The Flow
Alexandria?
Informaticon?
SAM//VANA
Wheel of Creation
Whispered Power?
Sands of Time
Light of Humility
Inner Blaze
Wisdom Personified

[PizzaShaman]

10/24 Morning Time!

Day 9 THC free.

Action Day? Yeah dude.

Short one today. Still not feeling well, but I’m going to work. Got up and did qi gong. That blockage in my shoulder feels reduced but still present. Perhaps it would have been better to listen to InnerWork yesterday vs HeroWork; there’s no physical shifting in the former and that could be contributing to how I feel today. That’s how we learn though!

I slept a bit better last night. I was able to fall asleep before midnight for the first time in days, and while I woke up multiple times, it was fewer times than previous nights. I’ll take it.

I don’t believe I possess the energy required to row today, on top of going to work and getting water afterwards. While I dislike that, it’s reality. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up in a better state and get one in before work.

My wife gave Genesis and Chosen a minute and half each yesterday. Tomorrow will be Spartan and one of those, Friday Spartan and the other. I’m recording it because she isn’t. But, I did get this from her today:

Good luck today, SubClub!

[PizzaShaman]

10/25 Morning Time!

Day 10 THC free.
Morning Qi gong completed!
1.5 min ALCH2
1.5 min InnerWork

Processing Break until 10/30

Time marches on.

Yesterday was interesting. Hmm. I type that often. Better than “Yesterday was boring”, I suppose.
Anyways. I felt like poo, even after qi gong. I considered taking another sick day as I wasn’t sure if I could make it through a shift. That feeling washed away in the shower however, and I went in.

I was walking up to my building when I heard the fire alarm going off. What an auspicious start!

The meal services went well enough. I was busy but able to keep up fine. I had some fancy footwork and spins going on, putting pizzas in and pulling them out of the oven.

The staff received some disheartening news regarding our benefits; some things are being cut come the start of the new year. For me, it means that my wife will have to get on her own health insurance through her job, as mine will no longer cover her (as her employer offers it, one of the criteria for coverage now). The rest of it doesn’t affect me. Retirement contributions will be done, but since economic collapse is my retirement plan, I don’t worry about that. My wife and I will have to see if her employer has the better deal on insurance now. Weeeeeee!

On the other hand, all hourly employees are getting a raise start of the year too, and my department qualifies. Another department at my place of employment is sponsoring a “Rowvember” and offering a rower as the prize to whomever rows the most meters during the month. I read it and said that if they want to give me one so bad, I’ll take it. So, rowing challenge for next month! I don’t know who else competes in this, so I’m aiming for at least 250,000 meters.

“No Nut Rowvember”—next month’s challenge.

Gymfather and I had a couple good chats. He’s aware of my T break and is supportive. He’s a great indicator for my internal landscape; if I’m all out of sorts internally, if I’m parked on Recon Street, he’s not inclined to speak to me. I had been taking it personally (and hard) but with all the reflective time I had this past weekend, I learned that if I just detach a bit I’ll be fine and I can continue to reap the benefits of lessons learned. His HD profile is 2/4, and his hermit nature is pronounced.

He has floated the idea of a DnD night with some of our other coworkers, and seems pretty excited to be the Dungeon Master. I was asked if I’d be interested. I’ll go a few times since I played back in high school. Something fun for after work one night a week. It shouldn’t interfere with anything else I have going on.

I had a minor disagreement with my wife after work regarding subs and journaling. She thinks I harp too much on journaling and keeping a listening schedule and should be aware she’s different from me and does things accordingly. I countered with how is she supposed to note progress apart from an ‘in your face’ result without keeping some sort of written record?

My corrections of her lately are my Judgemental nature rearing it’s head. I had that realization last night. Something the THC kept on a tight leash by keeping my energy low. Something new to tame, I suppose.

My son’s bench press is up to 205lbs, apparently. He’s going to be a beast if he keeps this up.

I’ll be finding time to row today, likely after work.

New SSX is intriguing, but I’m not instabuying and playing this one. No point at the moment. Maybe after the 6 month T break and on the swing back to hedonism.

[PizzaShaman]

[PizzaShaman]

10/26 Morning Time!

Day 11 THC free.
Morning Qi gong completed!

Slept like poo again. I was able to get to bed before midnight but kept waking up.

Work was busy yesterday, but that was to be expected given the meals served. Some days have a poorly chosen menu, imo, so that sends more business my way. Today will be similar, save I have to find time to get some prep done for this weekend’s event.

A few of my coworkers are starting a DnD tabletop campaign group and tonight should be the first meetup for that. We’ll see if it pops off or not. I played back in high school so I’m a bit familiar, although it’s on 5th edition now. I decided on a half-elf monk. Something fun, I suppose, but I don’t want to get too invested in it. I certainly don’t want it to interfere with Rowvember.

Time will tell.