Interesting.
Plans fell through. Expected negative feelings arose.
This time, it can’t find purchase.
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10/9 Midday
Feeling on a downward slope today.
I had heard some scraping from underneath my vehicle yesterday as we (son and I) were leaving for church. Pulled over and got out to look; some portion of the exhaust system was dragging. Yay.
So we drove home. While I wasn’t thrilled about having to get ahold of my mechanic on Monday, I did get more prep time with this. I was planning on having a few work friends over for a smoke session and I had a few things left to do.
I plowed through those tasks and got everything ready. Disappointment came when I was relaying to my oldest whom my guests were, and how I expected her discretion. I checked my phone, and yes, all guests bowed out for the day, within a couple minutes of each other.
Reminded me of being young and having things not work out as planned. Nothing like that going easy for me, ever. Sigh.
I will say that it was different, as I posted yesterday. I felt negativity arise, but it could not find purchase in my brain to hang on or form something harmful. Negativity Displacer? Something else? Either way, something was different in a beneficial manner.
Still, I had food that I made that needed to be eaten up, and not having the expected session left me out of step with some other plans I had formed. Those needed addressing which has been done. I’ve amended my start time by a week, and found an easily timed duration with a lovely bookend on it.
My vehicle has been picked up; I escaped with an $85 bill! It’s wonderful having an honest mechanic a stone’s throw from your back door. No need to replace my whole system, a few brackets did the trick.
3 min ALCH2
3 min HeroWork
7 min AsC
Picking up N.R.I.C.H. tonight. I have no serious intention of including it in my stack currently, but I’ll not miss an opportunity to deck out my tool box. A couple loops might happen at some point.
For Science!
For SubClub!
For my wallet!
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10/10 Morning Time!
Interesting releases last night, from the new Modules to NRICH.
I initially felt foolish for getting HeroWork last week, but upon further review this morning that feeling has dissipated. I would have liked to get in Typing Mastery and …probably Dopaminergic Revival. Trade out Dance Mastery and Virtuoso de Musica. That would have been the choice. So, nothing too big. I know what I’ve gained with the modules I picked: more flexibility with the sub versus more of a concentration on the writing aspect and some hormonal work. The internal sensation of dancing!! versus …typing maybe? I don’t know…
I went through the new modules and added what I found interesting to my list of ones to try out.
- Destiny Directive
- Dopaminergic Revival
- Stillmind
- Reading Mastery
- Typing Mastery
- Radiating Health
I appropriated some wisdom from JCDenton while in the Ascension Chamber yesterday and added a request to direct excess sexual energy to manifestations. I hope I worded it correctly.
I head back to work today. I’m feeling less than thrilled at the prospect of walking into my station after someone else has been using it while I was off. I hope things are mostly in order and that they didn’t use the pizza peel for putting pizzas in the oven to take any out.
- I woke up feeling alert today, ready to go. Carpe Diem Ascended working already.
Oh. I remember. Ticket time!
and in.
Have a great day!
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10/11 Morning Time
Yesterday was shit.
Bad moon energy (for me) and recon on top of that. I felt bad most of the day.
Work was just BLAH. I wasn’t overly busy or anything like that, there was just tension in the air.
One young lady expressed her delight at seeing me back at work, happy I was back making the pizza. My coworker, …henceforth known as…you know what, I’m going to go with Nameless. Nameless used to run the pizza station, before I got hired. He had a little freak out about 6 weeks in to my employment there, and the switch was made by my boss at the time. To keep it short, now Nameless is a prep cook “supervisor” and my pizza prep guy.
Anyways Nameless hears this girl going on and is standing there like “WTF I don’t exist”. I could nearly hear his thoughts as I read his expression.
I just gave him a
Past that, the coworkers I had invited over, well one gave me an apology. It was appreciated, as I knew he already had some plans that day and they ended up getting shifted.
The other one avoided talking to me at all, save a name greeting at lunch. I expected something from him, yes. Some sort of little talk. Me and my expectations. 
I spoke with the Artist, to introduce another coworker here. The Artist is another supervisor, but he’s my supervisor, and we get along pretty well. He relayed a story to me, which ended with me saying, “Seems like an awfully silly thing to be upset about. Maybe there’s a lesson there for me too.”
I ended up speaking to him about what was on my mind, asking for discretion of course but I left names out of it. I felt better after.
Same sort of feeling shitty, anxious, etc came later on at night too, after work.
Maybe the 3 minutes of Hero/Spartan/UWx was too much. This is how I learn.
I had typed out my listening plan for the day right here, but I think I am going to take a rest day instead. The possibility of washing out until next Monday exists too.
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10/12 Morning Time!
Yesterday was better. Taking another rest day was well worth it. HERO came through with
as I spoke with my one coworker and worked things out. It was interesting. I have not done well in my life with ‘working things out’. I have always found it simpler to walk away and carry a grudge. I have (in my life) considered the one who initiates the re-approach to be in the “weaker” position, but this instance coupled with the one with my wife last week seems to indicate that is not the case.
Lesson Learned.
Awareness of my own energy grows day by day. It’s pretty sweet. Feeling the swirls within.
Good talks with students yesterday, including my daughter who stopped by at dinner last night. One young man who I’ve spoken with for years spent some time discussing his upcoming nuptials with me. I advised on keeping costs down as low as possible. He is of similar mind.
Daughter #1 wants to drop out of college because its really hard right now and she has no time for anything in her schedule. I told her she’s free to do as she wishes, but dropping out to try to advance in your serving job at the retirement home isn’t the best plan, as the degree will open up higher paying jobs. Besides that, if she leaves college, with her brother and sister not planning on attending and my employment there was for the tuition remission (primarily), I’d be free (mentally) to find another job or work.
Continuing rest day today. Just had the thought to maybe play a custom on Mondays with ALCH and AsC, Wednesday listen to Alchemist only, and play my other custom on Friday with ALCH. Maybe I’ll give that a whirl tomorrow.
Guess we’ll see. Short one today, gotta drop off #2 at school on my way to work.
That could be read the wrong way.
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Hmmmm.
There we go.
I don’t know what this mudra is, but I’ve been just sitting with it at night time for a while now, maybe 5-6 weeks.
Some nights it prompts a sort of ‘thought stream’ where I will receive thoughts from the stillness. Stuff from my past perhaps, or something to write about. I lose most of it walking through the doorway.
Yeah. I don’t know what it’s called or the intended purpose. I’ve looked and not found it yet, though I haven’t performed an exhaustive search.
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10/13 Morning Time!
Friday the 13th!
WOOOOOO
Well. Lets get it done. At least it’s quick.
3 min ALCH2
1.5 min InnerWork
You guys that had to listen for 8 plus or whatever hours in previous years…I can’t imagine!
Man, 9 days since my last microloop of InnerWork. Ah well. It’s in there now!
I have 2 nights of “relaxation” left, and a 3 night window until a new way of being starts. An interesting prospect. The longest I’ve gone before was 104 days THC free. I recall putting on some weight and not being the most pleasant <at all!>. This time tho, I got SubClub on my side. I do believe that my current stack of ALCH2 and my customs (Inner/Hero Work) will smooth out the experience and make it doable for the longer duration.
- SPS: Fat Burn is working overtime:
I need to get the porn quit story down. Not for myself, but for others.
The Artist stopped by my spot at work for a chat last night. He is doing pretty good, imo, for his chosen path after leaving his cheating wife 3.5 years ago. I don’t care for therapists myself, but I get that they can work for some people. They seemed to work for him. His inner monologue has improved quite a bit, but I can tell he’s not where he wants to be. He’s given LBFH a cycles worth of play before. I suggested it again, because he was still down on himself for some physical attributes that would be difficult to adjust at his age.
But.
The single biggest change the Artist could make in order to attract a woman into his life as a companion (his goal or desire), in my humble opinion, would be to drop his pornography consumption habit. Homeslice will eat breakfast and check out new additions on the hub. He’ll load his thoughts, and thus his aura, with that stuff and wonder at the results he gets.
I know the difference, the before and after. The change in my interactions with people, and yes, the females. It’s my hope that reading my shit experience (when I get it down) will help the Artist make the correct decision, imo, and drop the habit to reap the benefits.
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10/14 Morning Time!
It’s going to be a day. Likely not toooo bad, but I believe the poor weather will affect the attendance at the two work events today. There is going to be a lot of leftover food.
Dearest Wife is in a new round of self inflicted depression. Daughter #1 weighed herself yesterday and was down! She’s been more careful with her food choices and working out some, and got herself down to what she weighed as a high school freshman. Wife’s numbers haven’t moved at all and with monthly visitor time, someone is feeling extra sensitive. The household has been made aware again that my wife is unhappy with herself. I don’t know if I can blame recon; she missed a listening day this week and keeps it to around three minutes a loop on her store title stack. Since the previous …episode/problem/whatever she’s stopped working out as much, which isn’t helping things.
I can fully appreciate where she’s coming from, however her methods of counteracting these negative feelings are not appreciated. Her emotional state shits on everyone else for doing well and makes it so we don’t want to be around that. I can speak for myself on that one at least; why would I want to interact with someone who’s radiating anger and frustration in my presence? I would offer her the words to ease how she feels if I could, but they are beyond me at the moment.
This shit is testing my very limited patience. Returning energy that I am given is in my nature. No sense bemoaning it. Gate 6.3 is about fairness to me.
Good interactions at work yesterday. I don’t invest as much journaling my results as I should perhaps, but I would have to invest more time then I have. I see results everyday. I got a HERO manifestation/something on my work’s social media account. A student referred to me as “My hero”, regarding dessert pizza that I served last night. lulz
I feel Typing Mastery should be included in RW:UWx! It takes me so long to get these entries typed up.
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10/15 Morning Time!
Last Day for usage; THC break starts upon waking. I don’t feel as much apprehension about it as I usually would, although it is slightly present. I know I can do whatever I want, and choosing to forego getting high enables that. The immediate chill out effect will likely be missed after work and times when my wife is working my nerves. The instant gratification part is what needs worked on though. I will likely lament this decision many times over. Six months is a long time, although it’s not as well.
Sigh. Guess it’s a short one today. My thoughts are not flowing well.
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It’s okay. Some days are like that.
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This was read and it felt like a comforting pat on the shoulder. Thank you Lion!
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10/16
Day 1 THC free.
I woke up feeling pretty good; have been for the past few days. Carpe Diem Ascended! Glad I included that one. I considered taking a very strong final dose last night, but I would have awakened in a “high” and that felt like cheating.
I suppose I should get the listening done. Hmmm. I’d like to weave in some DR:LD playtime today, but what about the recon? HeroWork is as thicc as the wife’s booty, as I’m now realizing. It’s working, and it’s dense.
Might move to the coin toss for today…or I could save DR:LD until Wednesday, pair it up with ALCH2 then.
Alright, I’ll do that.
3 minutes ALCH2
1.5 minutes HeroWork
No immediate recon hit. I’ll see how it goes moving forward, I may be able to get up to 2 minutes next week. Crazy to think that I have such consideration over 30 seconds of listening! 
I started writing a story in another tab. Something for fun! I’ll share some once I flesh it out more.
All 3 of the children are sick with the same stomach bug. I’m thankful that I haven’t gotten it. Apparently each of them woke up at least 4 times overnight to go throw up, but they didn’t encounter one another. Such odd timing.
My wife took ownership of her emotional outbursts, so there’s that. Our daughters are still angry about it I think, although I spoke to #2 this morning and encouraged her to start with a blank slate with Mom today. #1 is too ill to care.
Time to wrap this one up. I’ll be listening to AsC this afternoon, after I eat. I think I’ll go write about something else for a bit.
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Evening Time!
7 minutes of Ascension Chamber was done this afternoon. Watched most of the DnD movie. Made and ate some chipped steak and hummus with some fruit.
I feel on edge and full of energy, and it’s after 10pm. I imagine this will be a sleepless night. It happens when I quit. I find it very irritating. I likely should have had a rowing workout today, but that didn’t happen. When I awake, before work, I’ll get it done.
Writing about my father and that time today stirred up lots of memories and emotions within. I felt sad for a bit. I wish I had found my stride, so to speak, twenty years ago. I believe I’d be able to relate to my father better now, have a greater understanding, but he’s gone and that’s that. I also felt some anger with my wife. Her words at the time …were not helpful. Sigh. Telling her this will do no good. She will get more defensive and on edge. I’m also aware that I’m reviewing the past with the lens of today: Present Day PizzaShaman is angry at his past self for not sternly rebuking her words. That does no good either.
It was easy to avoid my own shit by getting high. Not anymore.
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Yo Shaman! Would encourage you to work in Lineage: Mandate Eternal (or a custom with it) into your stack.
Am currently running the main store version and it is smoothing things with my family real fast. Also releasing a lot of childhood trauma.
Will finish a cycle in a week and then give a review. But thought I would put in a good word for it seeing that you are facing the heat these days.
That or Emperor: House of Medici.
Do consider.
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10/18 Morning Time!
Day 3 THC free.
Well. Let’s get the listening recorded, and then into yesterday.
3 minutes ALCH2
1.5 minutes DR:LD
We’ll see if the addition of DR:LD gives me some recon. I hope not.
Yesterday was interesting. I awoke full of energy again, loving that lately. I got the workout in before work like I wanted. I didn’t go as hard as I normally would have. I’ve been getting a lot of information via those damn short videos regarding workouts, and I think I’ve been going a bit too hard. I want to ensure fat burn so I need to slow up my rowing pace a lil bit, keep myself from dipping into sugar burn for fuel.
Wife was emotional again the night prior to yesterday. I spend too much time on here; ‘always typey typey’ and not spending time with her. On the computer too much! She was glad I’ve ‘found a community’ but felt…what? Left behind? I don’t know.
<EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS A CHURCH COMMUNITY AND YOU DO NOT HAVE ONE OUTSIDE OF HERE?>
Thank you, Inner Shaman. I’m aware. I’m also aware she’s been projecting a lot of her inner stuff. I must think this about her, or that. (this and that are both negative) Neither is true!
I went to work. Good day overall. I was on day 6 since “release” and my energy was getting real good. Great interactions all day long, including one with the professor of my daughter’s sociology class. My magnetic self in action! My …awareness? Energetic sensitivity? Not sure of what to term it, but it’s up as well. That professor, well, I knew who it was even with his back turned to me, and this guy only comes in for food twice a year.
I felt really good all day long. Really fucking good. Calm, balanced, a sense of equilibrium within. Chilled out libido! I don’t know what core or module scripting to credit, but I’m thankful.
Despite the marital stress lately, I invested time visualizing a more pleasant version of my wife interacting with me instead of giving in to the ‘energetic reversal’ thoughts of simply mirroring to her what she’s been doing to the family. It paid off; we chatted amicably all day long on Snapchat and she was in a good mood when I got home.
It’s an uncertainty as to what to do after work now. The normal routine was to go blaze up; last night I sat on the couch and watched Suits with my oldest and my wife. My mother told me about this show years ago; said I reminded her of the main character Mike Ross, at least in brain power and capabilities. I don’t know if I’d agree with her after watching it.
Went to bed. Fell asleep easily enough I suppose. It’s not as bad as last time I stopped smoking, at least so far. Ended up snuggling with my wife sometime in the middle of the night which lead to sex! There goes 6 days of retention.
My biggest problem with not smoking IS sex. I never really had sex sober in my life; I have always been high for it. It allows me to last longer. Last night was very very premature! On entry! Feels wasteful to just lose my energy like that. Not sure what to do, I don’t want to add a sex sub back in to my stack. It will resolve somehow.
Fell back asleep and slept good though. My wife seems much happier today. She was glad for the relations last night, admitting in some chat that she was putting her shit on everyone else. In feeling sad at work yesterday however, she took time to think through some things and figured some stuff out. She’s finally lost some weight and is feeling good about getting some results that are easy to digest.
Nearly out of time now. Looks like an easy lunch service for me today, but dinner will be busy. It’ll go well.
Thank you @Lion for the suggestion! I will say that I’m committed to my stack until at least the end of this year. I will consider it for next year’s runs however, and I could see it in a custom. I may end up recommending the store title for my wife. An interesting synchronicity today: Your suggestion came through 2 minutes after my wife stated to me she wants to be a good wife and a good mom.
A 
blessing on your day! 
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A custom with the Lineage and Dynasty modules will also do the job for keeping a good relationship with your family. That’s in case you want save a spot by leaving out Lineage: Mandate Eternal Core.
Wow!
Blessings to you too, brother!
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This is some good stuff. Saving it here for posterity. Thank you Ragnar and Yazooneh!
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