I will, when the vibe settles down.
There is tension between us currently.
I could sit here and type it out, but I don’t think enlightenment is there tonight.
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Awesome! and thank you for your inputs.
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10/4 Good Buddy!
1 min ALCH2
1 min InnerWork
Going with some LIGHT loops today. I’m curious to see what pops up because of that.
I will say that some tension between my wife and I makes for easy SR, so…thanks AsC! lol
Goal accomplished so far this week!
I managed get some vacation time approved, so PizzaShaman is off for the entirety of Fall Break! I’m looking forward to a couple long rowing sessions, and getting a portion of my basement cleaned up. Odd, that last part. Ha! I’m having a tiny shindig this weekend, and past that I’m looking into a weight set for my son and I. Can’t have him getting a stronger chest than Dad! The basement has a good spot for that.
Alright, sent the apology message for my reaction to hers. Blah.
Thanks InnerWork.
Outta writing juice for now. 'Til next time!
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Balance for me
Could possibly be
Equal time
At either extreme
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HeroWork has arrived!
gave it 1 minute today, along with 1 minute of ALCH2.
It is interesting. I think I like it.
Those words are close but not quite right.
It’s a good fit for me.
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10/7 Morning Time!
Well.
I read my wife the post by @dreamingheroes , wishing good luck and persistence.
Her reaction was exactly what I mentally (Thanks Mind’s Eye!) predicted it would be:
“What did you write about ME on there?!? Tell me NOW!!”
Naw.
So yeah, passed that along like I said I would. A friend from work, henceforth known here as Gymfather, gave the exact same advice, verbatim (!!) as well, so I mentioned that too. I think some portion of the advice stuck. We’ll see.
To note it here, somewhere, she dropped Genesis from her stack and replaced it with Sanguine: The Elixir. Spartan and Symmetry were kept.
Felt guided this morning to give HeroWork another listen, this time for 90 seconds, so I did. Monday will be ALCH2 and HeroWork again, along with AsC. After, I will be alternating customs along with Alchemist plays on listening days.
Listening to music is hitting differently after that 90sec listen. Its like more of my spirit is stirred and moves to the beat. Strange. I feel like dancing and crying.
That’s enough for now.
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Ah, that’s rough. I guess people need to want to be helped for it to stick, but I’m sorry she’s taking her frustration out on you.
She’ll realize it soon enough, but it’s easier for people to get support and encouragement if they are at least receptive to others trying to help them. She’ll come around. (Also, Gymfather must have some serious experience to have earned that title) 
Take it one day at a time, buddy - you’re making fantastic progress and I always look forward to reading your updates.
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Interesting.
Plans fell through. Expected negative feelings arose.
This time, it can’t find purchase.
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10/9 Midday
Feeling on a downward slope today.
I had heard some scraping from underneath my vehicle yesterday as we (son and I) were leaving for church. Pulled over and got out to look; some portion of the exhaust system was dragging. Yay.
So we drove home. While I wasn’t thrilled about having to get ahold of my mechanic on Monday, I did get more prep time with this. I was planning on having a few work friends over for a smoke session and I had a few things left to do.
I plowed through those tasks and got everything ready. Disappointment came when I was relaying to my oldest whom my guests were, and how I expected her discretion. I checked my phone, and yes, all guests bowed out for the day, within a couple minutes of each other.
Reminded me of being young and having things not work out as planned. Nothing like that going easy for me, ever. Sigh.
I will say that it was different, as I posted yesterday. I felt negativity arise, but it could not find purchase in my brain to hang on or form something harmful. Negativity Displacer? Something else? Either way, something was different in a beneficial manner.
Still, I had food that I made that needed to be eaten up, and not having the expected session left me out of step with some other plans I had formed. Those needed addressing which has been done. I’ve amended my start time by a week, and found an easily timed duration with a lovely bookend on it.
My vehicle has been picked up; I escaped with an $85 bill! It’s wonderful having an honest mechanic a stone’s throw from your back door. No need to replace my whole system, a few brackets did the trick.
3 min ALCH2
3 min HeroWork
7 min AsC
Picking up N.R.I.C.H. tonight. I have no serious intention of including it in my stack currently, but I’ll not miss an opportunity to deck out my tool box. A couple loops might happen at some point.
For Science!
For SubClub!
For my wallet!
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10/10 Morning Time!
Interesting releases last night, from the new Modules to NRICH.
I initially felt foolish for getting HeroWork last week, but upon further review this morning that feeling has dissipated. I would have liked to get in Typing Mastery and …probably Dopaminergic Revival. Trade out Dance Mastery and Virtuoso de Musica. That would have been the choice. So, nothing too big. I know what I’ve gained with the modules I picked: more flexibility with the sub versus more of a concentration on the writing aspect and some hormonal work. The internal sensation of dancing!! versus …typing maybe? I don’t know…
I went through the new modules and added what I found interesting to my list of ones to try out.
- Destiny Directive
- Dopaminergic Revival
- Stillmind
- Reading Mastery
- Typing Mastery
- Radiating Health
I appropriated some wisdom from JCDenton while in the Ascension Chamber yesterday and added a request to direct excess sexual energy to manifestations. I hope I worded it correctly.
I head back to work today. I’m feeling less than thrilled at the prospect of walking into my station after someone else has been using it while I was off. I hope things are mostly in order and that they didn’t use the pizza peel for putting pizzas in the oven to take any out.
- I woke up feeling alert today, ready to go. Carpe Diem Ascended working already.
Oh. I remember. Ticket time!
and in.
Have a great day!
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10/11 Morning Time
Yesterday was shit.
Bad moon energy (for me) and recon on top of that. I felt bad most of the day.
Work was just BLAH. I wasn’t overly busy or anything like that, there was just tension in the air.
One young lady expressed her delight at seeing me back at work, happy I was back making the pizza. My coworker, …henceforth known as…you know what, I’m going to go with Nameless. Nameless used to run the pizza station, before I got hired. He had a little freak out about 6 weeks in to my employment there, and the switch was made by my boss at the time. To keep it short, now Nameless is a prep cook “supervisor” and my pizza prep guy.
Anyways Nameless hears this girl going on and is standing there like “WTF I don’t exist”. I could nearly hear his thoughts as I read his expression.
I just gave him a
Past that, the coworkers I had invited over, well one gave me an apology. It was appreciated, as I knew he already had some plans that day and they ended up getting shifted.
The other one avoided talking to me at all, save a name greeting at lunch. I expected something from him, yes. Some sort of little talk. Me and my expectations. 
I spoke with the Artist, to introduce another coworker here. The Artist is another supervisor, but he’s my supervisor, and we get along pretty well. He relayed a story to me, which ended with me saying, “Seems like an awfully silly thing to be upset about. Maybe there’s a lesson there for me too.”
I ended up speaking to him about what was on my mind, asking for discretion of course but I left names out of it. I felt better after.
Same sort of feeling shitty, anxious, etc came later on at night too, after work.
Maybe the 3 minutes of Hero/Spartan/UWx was too much. This is how I learn.
I had typed out my listening plan for the day right here, but I think I am going to take a rest day instead. The possibility of washing out until next Monday exists too.
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10/12 Morning Time!
Yesterday was better. Taking another rest day was well worth it. HERO came through with
as I spoke with my one coworker and worked things out. It was interesting. I have not done well in my life with ‘working things out’. I have always found it simpler to walk away and carry a grudge. I have (in my life) considered the one who initiates the re-approach to be in the “weaker” position, but this instance coupled with the one with my wife last week seems to indicate that is not the case.
Lesson Learned.
Awareness of my own energy grows day by day. It’s pretty sweet. Feeling the swirls within.
Good talks with students yesterday, including my daughter who stopped by at dinner last night. One young man who I’ve spoken with for years spent some time discussing his upcoming nuptials with me. I advised on keeping costs down as low as possible. He is of similar mind.
Daughter #1 wants to drop out of college because its really hard right now and she has no time for anything in her schedule. I told her she’s free to do as she wishes, but dropping out to try to advance in your serving job at the retirement home isn’t the best plan, as the degree will open up higher paying jobs. Besides that, if she leaves college, with her brother and sister not planning on attending and my employment there was for the tuition remission (primarily), I’d be free (mentally) to find another job or work.
Continuing rest day today. Just had the thought to maybe play a custom on Mondays with ALCH and AsC, Wednesday listen to Alchemist only, and play my other custom on Friday with ALCH. Maybe I’ll give that a whirl tomorrow.
Guess we’ll see. Short one today, gotta drop off #2 at school on my way to work.
That could be read the wrong way.
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Hmmmm.
There we go.
I don’t know what this mudra is, but I’ve been just sitting with it at night time for a while now, maybe 5-6 weeks.
Some nights it prompts a sort of ‘thought stream’ where I will receive thoughts from the stillness. Stuff from my past perhaps, or something to write about. I lose most of it walking through the doorway.
Yeah. I don’t know what it’s called or the intended purpose. I’ve looked and not found it yet, though I haven’t performed an exhaustive search.
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10/13 Morning Time!
Friday the 13th!
WOOOOOO
Well. Lets get it done. At least it’s quick.
3 min ALCH2
1.5 min InnerWork
You guys that had to listen for 8 plus or whatever hours in previous years…I can’t imagine!
Man, 9 days since my last microloop of InnerWork. Ah well. It’s in there now!
I have 2 nights of “relaxation” left, and a 3 night window until a new way of being starts. An interesting prospect. The longest I’ve gone before was 104 days THC free. I recall putting on some weight and not being the most pleasant <at all!>. This time tho, I got SubClub on my side. I do believe that my current stack of ALCH2 and my customs (Inner/Hero Work) will smooth out the experience and make it doable for the longer duration.
- SPS: Fat Burn is working overtime:
I need to get the porn quit story down. Not for myself, but for others.
The Artist stopped by my spot at work for a chat last night. He is doing pretty good, imo, for his chosen path after leaving his cheating wife 3.5 years ago. I don’t care for therapists myself, but I get that they can work for some people. They seemed to work for him. His inner monologue has improved quite a bit, but I can tell he’s not where he wants to be. He’s given LBFH a cycles worth of play before. I suggested it again, because he was still down on himself for some physical attributes that would be difficult to adjust at his age.
But.
The single biggest change the Artist could make in order to attract a woman into his life as a companion (his goal or desire), in my humble opinion, would be to drop his pornography consumption habit. Homeslice will eat breakfast and check out new additions on the hub. He’ll load his thoughts, and thus his aura, with that stuff and wonder at the results he gets.
I know the difference, the before and after. The change in my interactions with people, and yes, the females. It’s my hope that reading my shit experience (when I get it down) will help the Artist make the correct decision, imo, and drop the habit to reap the benefits.
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10/14 Morning Time!
It’s going to be a day. Likely not toooo bad, but I believe the poor weather will affect the attendance at the two work events today. There is going to be a lot of leftover food.
Dearest Wife is in a new round of self inflicted depression. Daughter #1 weighed herself yesterday and was down! She’s been more careful with her food choices and working out some, and got herself down to what she weighed as a high school freshman. Wife’s numbers haven’t moved at all and with monthly visitor time, someone is feeling extra sensitive. The household has been made aware again that my wife is unhappy with herself. I don’t know if I can blame recon; she missed a listening day this week and keeps it to around three minutes a loop on her store title stack. Since the previous …episode/problem/whatever she’s stopped working out as much, which isn’t helping things.
I can fully appreciate where she’s coming from, however her methods of counteracting these negative feelings are not appreciated. Her emotional state shits on everyone else for doing well and makes it so we don’t want to be around that. I can speak for myself on that one at least; why would I want to interact with someone who’s radiating anger and frustration in my presence? I would offer her the words to ease how she feels if I could, but they are beyond me at the moment.
This shit is testing my very limited patience. Returning energy that I am given is in my nature. No sense bemoaning it. Gate 6.3 is about fairness to me.
Good interactions at work yesterday. I don’t invest as much journaling my results as I should perhaps, but I would have to invest more time then I have. I see results everyday. I got a HERO manifestation/something on my work’s social media account. A student referred to me as “My hero”, regarding dessert pizza that I served last night. lulz
I feel Typing Mastery should be included in RW:UWx! It takes me so long to get these entries typed up.
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10/15 Morning Time!
Last Day for usage; THC break starts upon waking. I don’t feel as much apprehension about it as I usually would, although it is slightly present. I know I can do whatever I want, and choosing to forego getting high enables that. The immediate chill out effect will likely be missed after work and times when my wife is working my nerves. The instant gratification part is what needs worked on though. I will likely lament this decision many times over. Six months is a long time, although it’s not as well.
Sigh. Guess it’s a short one today. My thoughts are not flowing well.
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