Same brother!
And same! Lemme get that real quick…
damn. makes me want to drop my WB/BDLM custom!
Or roll it into one when the core is released.
“Wanted: A BD Hero”
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Very interesfing. As opposed to the Dragon Reborn channeling at the Last Battle after cleaning Saidin from the taint. If I remember right, it didn’t feel draining at all like before. But energising. Maybe cause he finally somehow touched with the Creator’s One Power or His version of the True Power.
Could make a lot of parallels to those energy systems.
Been a long time since I read the wheel of time books. Found some audio books on youtube recently that have excellent narration and voice acting.
I like this idea. Not gotten into World of Warcraft but the Real Time Strategy of Warcraft I, II and III were my jam. Along with Starcraft I and II. And Diablo II.
Now Diablo II Role Playing Game elements could surely be used to make customs. Hmm.
Lol! Big D Energy HERO WANTED.
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9/15 Morning Time!
Rest day #2
Got that new hotness in my email!
HERO Origins: Sage and the Blade.
Figures that just when I get my stack figured out, and I feel pretty good about it, Saint and Fire drop something that upsets my apple cart. Malkuth said it the other day: Abundance!
Time to report some results.
So my wife’s stack is Genesis, Spartan, and Symmetry. I purchased a rowing machine for home last Saturday, as I’m into that. My wife has gotten 4 workouts in on it, pushing herself for a longer duration each time. She’s feeling pretty good about herself with that; it’s earned. One of the things about my wife is that she will lawyer game with results, even as I’m point stuff out to her that wasn’t happening before. I’m making a note here because of last night. She was talking about another instance this week where she displayed great confidence with herself and with speaking with people, things that are a little unusual for her. (Pssst. It’s ok honey, I know why its happening.) I asked her about her self talk, her inner monologue. How’s it doing? Do you berate yourself for little mistakes anymore or do you just roll with it and continue on without dipping into self negativity? Her eyes lit up as she started agreeing with me that her inner talk has vastly improved. Thanks Genesis!
On a side note, having your wife run Symmetry, which I learned has an attraction aura, makes retention difficult. #interesting problem
On my end: Interesting interaction at work yesterday. Retaining reliable employees in the dishroom has been challenging at work lately, although Not My Problem. However, it is my department director’s problem, and yesterday he came by with a load of clean dishes, putting them away in various spots in our facility. He came by my spot and put away some ‘pizza plates’ and I thanked him, asked how he was doing today? He gruffly stated, “None of your business.” but I could tell he was smirking a bit, being sarcastic. He couldn’t see that I saw that. 
He then stopped his cart. “I suppose I shouldn’t reply to you like that, PizzaShaman, because out of everyone who asks me that, I think you are the only one that actually cares. I’m doing alright today. How are you?” 
Most unusual coming from this gentleman, but I’ll take it.
Got my mortgage bullshit sorted out this morning. Nothing huge, just a transfer between companies but that left me unable to pay it until I called in. Seems they sent out wrong loan numbers the first time around and I hadn’t received the updated letter yet. All fixed and paid now tho.
Some things arising with my son. He’s 14 and things are hard for him at school. Son is overweight, socially awkward and only a couple friends, none of whom share a lunch period with him. He sits by himself at lunchtime, and apparently gets made fun of. He has Ollier’s Disease, which has left his finger bones a bit misshapen. Enchondromatosis. It sets him apart from the other kids. I do understand the end result of that. I had a hard time in high school too with my bipolar shit, with very few friends and feeling alone with no one to talk to. I don’t know if I am the Dad he needs, or if I can be. I’m trying to have more time with him, but it’s challenging with my work schedule. ( I know about Lineage. For some reason I don’t want to run it.) I think I have to figure it out my own way.
I have shared with him my own experiences with that, and that I know the struggle. I told him how i’ve worked on stuff, and how SubClub has helped. He seems interested, but that time is still a few years out.
To close out today: I appreciate you guys, Lion and Malkuth, reading my journal and the back and forth on here. It has helped me with journaling/writing pretty much everyday and is an encouragement to do so. Thank you very much. 
I suppose it would be an interesting synergy with HERO’s swordplay scripting…
“Swordplay”
haha
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The Hero with the Big Sword lolol.
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Hmmm.
Is HERO Origins a Pathfinder manifestation for me?
Some serious thinking going on tonight.
It started with a reread of the description.
Struck a chord within right then. I had read the whole thing prior to purchase, but that jumped out at me tonight.
Transformation. It’s a choice, a chance, a branching point. A possibility. A timeline split. However you want to term it. For once, I recognize it prior. It’s always easy to see in hindsight, but rare at the time.
I feel (very strongly) it would not be appropriate to run any sort of sex scripting if one was running HERO. So, for me, it would be a stopping of my WB custom. I think InnerWork would synergize well with HERO. I think Alchemist would be good with it as well.
I can continue as is, and do fucking great. I’m enjoying life lately, overall. The option is to set aside fun stuff and focus on better things. 
Is that a call I’m ready to answer? What contemplation because Saint hit publish yesterday!
I have a coworker I judge rather harshly because I feel he’s in the wrong line of work. Dude wants to direct, not lead. He should be doing some sort of consulting work, imo. I’ve told him as much. Ask a question, get an answer. But then he’ll mention of all the years spent at the current job, as though they would then be wasted or meaningless. 15 years at the same job in food service. Shrug. If you’ve been unhappy the whole time, find something else. Don’t waste time.
So for myself, I know that at my age I can still keep messing around pursuing sexual ends, trying to adjust myself to what…attract my wife more? I’m not interested in any extra marital relations. The fame aspect of WB, it’s fun, but I had it prior to running that one. It came about at work after I quit porn.
The speech aspect is a module, unless some sort of speech scripting is in HERO. Anyways.
I see this as the opportunity (FFS I’m using this word ALOT lately in daily life) to start a higher path. So interesting.
I could go on, but there’s not much point. The decision was made.
Interesting. I was going to reference a part of the Kolbrin, a document that resonates with me. YMMV.
In going to search for what I wanted, I first came upon this:
CRT:5:4 The circumstances, Enidvadew, of the traveller conform to the
law of sowing and reaping; he may travel in comfort or pain, happily or
sorrowfully, with strength or weakness, heavily burdened or lightly burdened,
well prepared or ill prepared. When the destination is set according to the
degrees of a former life, then the circumstances of the journey should
conform with the desire. For what use is it desiring a great destination when
the law of sowing and reaping decrees that an intolerable burden must be
carried on the way? Far better to have lesser aspirations. The decrees of fate
are many; the decrees of destiny are few.
How relevant. But what I was thinking of, aiming higher:
CRT:6:7 Dadam said, “These things I know too, for my eyes have always
been opened. I too have looked out into an endless plain without any horizon,
but I shall lead those who have grown strong through seeking and striving,
while those in your ranks will be weakened through indulgence in the
fleshpots and pleasure places of Earth. We are the disinherited, but not the
disowned; we have the seeds of victory within us. You and yours were never
more than you are, sons of the easy path, followers of the downhill road.”
So. The easy path, or the HERO’s path?
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9/16 Morning Time!
An interesting evening. Was that recon? lol. I don’t feel too differently this morning. Instead my mind has been filled with the possibilities of what I can create for a different path. I have enough information gathered already to be able to make good use of HERO.
Just tabbed over and read over the objectives again. My goodness. Such emotion stirred! One of the things I pay attention to in my life.
Likely help me be a better father to my son too.
A mastery subliminal appears the next day.
Had a good talk with my son last night. He’s been weightlifting at school, and made some steady progress this week in finding his max bench press. Between that and rowing, he’s feeling good about finding that physical aptitude within himself. Doesn’t fix everything but a real good start. He was happy when I told him how I was telling my work friends about his bench press. It is true, I expressed fatherly pride to a couple coworkers. Yeah. InnerWork helping me out there with my son. Sick af custom!
Aiming for an hour on the rower this morning. I get an extra hour this morning before work, and I’m using it to exercise. Such change!
In some aspects at least. Some things remain the same.
5 min HERO
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Initial impression:
Every bit of my body’s energy was humming during the listen. hmmm.
Time to row:
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Row row row your boat
With the strength of a Viking
Merrily merrily merrily merrily
Looking forward to some pillaging
Lol. That took a dark turn at the end but heck gotta roll and row with the stream of conciousness.
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Like I said, some crazy good supportive self talk during that workout.
It was interesting. I was zoning out a little bit, about 25 minutes in. Sometimes I like to imagine I’m rowing on water while I use the machine. This was such a time, but it was different. The water was dark and choppy, and the sky was filled with smoke and fire. A voice ran out, “ROW! ROW FOR RAGNORAK AND THE WORLD’S END!” Gave me a boost of energy then, and I rowed harder.
Every so often after that for the next 10 minutes, I would hear “ROW!” in my head, often to the beat of the music. Around 50 minutes: “HOW WE DOING? 10 MINUTES TO GO, WE GOT THIS!”
At 55 minutes, my daughters came in to see what I was doing. At first they were giggling at my appearance, (I presume, earbuds and Vicetone playing) but gave me a cheer before leaving.
I hit 12k as my wife came walking in from church worship practice, and my hour was done. She got to see the final result of my saying “I’m going to row for an hour.”
Work was rough. lol
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Now for character creation!
What kind of HERO do I want to be?
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9/17 Morning Time!
Feeling pretty good this morning.
Mind’s Eye! I have never run the store title, not one loop. I haven’t purchased it. I have been running it since March in one custom or another. So, 6 months. The fact I can conjure up mental imagery, craft a scene in my head now is significant to me, as it was not possible before. My auditory recollection is phenomenal. Yesterday at work, I recalled listening to a song as a teenager and played it in my mind, and gave myself goosebumps and shivers, in addition to remembering the Entire song. Thanks SubClub! Imma keep running it too.
Woke up with the realization that I could probably pull off putting HERO in with my WB BDLM custom. I considered myself a virtuous man at my core, before I ever found SubClub. It would mix alright. My wife has been more affectionate as of late, and I attribute it to that lil custom. Would be a shame to drop that completely. Food for thought. Core’s not released yet. I would be listening to some dense stuff though, rolling that one in. Do I want to/Can I accept that much scripting? The wake up gut answer today was yes.
It occurs to me I can wait and see. I haven’t had a lot of plays of that WB custom. If it’s hitting that quick, within a couple weeks, it’ll disappear that quick too, I’d imagine. I suppose I can attribute some of her behavior to her own stack as well. She’s been listening to Genesis almost regularly since release.
I dunno. Yesterday was reflective. I get fixated on things from time to time. Currently its these Subs! My pattern in life is that once something catches my interest, I dive deep to see what is possible, and then how to best integrate it into my life. It lasts varying lengths of time, at least 3-4 months. Some things stick around far longer. The possibilities in the Q store and the ever increasing selection of titles in the Main Store ensure that I’ll be here for a loooong while. Tbh, I’d pay 35 bucks to experience the trailer effect. Fun times have been had. The opportunity to craft a mind tool to help propel you to wherever you want to go? Amazing!
I’m getting excited again. So I was doing a little self review yesterday. I recalled my answer here:
Now at least one part would be a bit different. After 7 months, my longest running programs are Mind’s Eye, Revelation of Mind, and Khan Black. Inner talk is even more improved. Conversational skill is increased, thanks WB. I can set goals in AsC every Monday and it comes to pass with Mind’s Eye helping out. I’m losing weight and getting in shape, down 36 pounds since mid July.
Maybe more than one part.
I do feel like I’ve found a like minded community here, which is cool. Everyone working to improve themselves via this mental alchemy. Thankful for the house Saint and Fire built!
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Mid day update
Wife sent a flirty snapchat, noticing I had cut my hair (hair in the trash can) and asking if I was looking to get laid tonight.
Unusual behavior.
Lolol
WB+ Soul Connection + Reignition
Woooo!
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Evening Time!
Finally done with the 6 day stretch. Off tomorrow, then 4 days of work, then my weekend.
Thinking about getting a chromebook to have in my basement for evenings. I usually come up with much material to write about down here, but I lose most of it getting to my PC. Having a lil cheap keyboard setup down here would enable more writing, a goal of mine.
You’d think I’d be running RM:UW. I’ll get there someday.
Addendum: I typed this up last night on my phone and left it as a draft. Just sat down to type at my PC and was wondering if I could transfer it somehow. The draft saved between devices! Weeeee
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9/18 Morning Time!
Might be afternoon time by the time I get done here.
Let’s see. After ruminating on the flirty stuff from my wife, asking if she wanted a ‘blue pill’ night and getting the affirmative response, I decided to be impulsive and give Marriage Enhancement a 90 second listen while in the stall for #2. It’s been a minute. Terminus.
Got some immediate recon for the rest of my shift at work, not quite 2 hours. I was considering not having sex at all actually, just going to bed and sleeping off a poor decision. But it passed by the time I got home, and I went ahead. I went with 25mg of Viagra this time, hoping that it would be fine considering this new found sensitivity. It was!
I had a revelation last night, during the after work smoke session. Looking over my collection of Human Design charts, I was again seeing the …overlay of my wife, brother in law, mother in law, and myself and how we don’t get along well. It is simply too easy for any sort of emotional wave to express as conflict.
Gate 6. I think it is considered Conflict in the I Ching. Always conflict between myself and those in laws. The revelation last night for myself was that while I’ve spent so much time seeking sex, looking for that passion (the connection of gate 59-gate 6) it’s not healthy per this chart. Suppose I get it during a transit, for example, I pay attention to what gate the Moon is in on a daily basis. Differing energy is supposed to be activated, and I see what happens. When the Moon goes through gate 59 every month for 11.4 hours, I know it’s a good time for sex. BUT what I’ve been missing is that every time I get that connection made, and that channel is temporarily activated, it will express through the gate energy that I possess inherently, which is solely gate 6. Conflict. The passion that I’ve been seeking my whole life will never satisfy in the right way, it will always bring me conflict.
Kind of a bummer. But good to know! Especially at this stage of the game. Makes the Wanted/Hero choice easier. Even more so after Invictus shared that message from Saint that they are indeed two separate paths.
Back to the booty.
Wife was vocal last night. Used words this time. Unusual. I attribute that to WB’s scripting.
Hmm. Well duh PizzaShaman. Could that be covered by King’s Radiance module since I’m putting WB aside? Possibly.
Today’s listening will be early evening, after I visit a friend. I feel pretty good right now for taking 1.5 minute of Terminus yesterday, but I don’t want to load up prior and not be able to converse.
Didn’t hit all my AsC goals this week, but also fed the demon much more often this week. Noted!
I found out that there is a global rowing marathon day in May or June. Might be something to train for.
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Mother in law was just here. Unusual behavior
Lol.
I came downstairs from using the bathroom, chilling on my day off, mesh shorts and an open zip up hoodie, no shirt. I hear MiL and wife in the kitchen. Great.
They come in the family room and she sees me and comes in to give me a hug before eyeing me up and down and commenting on my “rock hard body” and a couple more similar remarks.
I’ve lost weight, true, but I am light years from that description.
She talks with my wife a bit longer (she had brought us 2 veggie burrito entrees a friend of hers had made) and heads out, commenting that she’ll “leave us alone now because the children aren’t here winkwink”
Wife spent a couple minutes apologizing for her mother.
W:B strikes again!
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Exactly how did she apologized?
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Ha! Just verbals. “I’m sorry my mother was touching you!” and things like that.
Action last night and this morning? This guy is spent.
I mean I could. But not the best use of my energy.
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Do I drop Wanted Black and BDLM for HERO?
The coins have been tossed…
The present is embodied in Hexagram 42 - I (Increase): There will be advantage in every movement which shall be undertaken, and it will even be advantageous to cross the great stream.
The third line, divided, shows increase given to its subject by means of what is evil, so that he shall be led to good, and be without blame. Let him be sincere and pursue the path of the Mean, so shall he secure the recognition of the ruler, like an officer who announces himself to his prince by the symbol of his rank.
The fourth line, divided, shows its subject pursuing the due course. His advice to his prince is followed. He can with advantage be relied on in such a movement as that of removing the capital.
In the sixth line, undivided, we see one to whose increase none will contribute, while many will seek to assail him. He observes no regular rule in the ordering of his heart. There will be evil.
The situation is shifting, and Yang (the active masculine force) is gaining ground.
The future is embodied in Hexagram 49 - Ko (Revolution): What takes place is believed in only after it has been accomplished. There will be great progress and success. Advantage will come from being firm and correct. In that case, occasion for repentance will disappear.
The things most apparent, those above and in front, are embodied by the upper trigram Sun (Wind), which is transforming into Tui (Lake). As part of this process, penetration and following are giving way to joy, pleasure, and attraction.
The things least apparent, those below and behind, are embodied by the lower trigram Chen (Thunder), which is transforming into Li (Fire). As part of this process, movement, initiative, and action are giving way to brightness and warmth.
Been visiting that site since high school. Used to use it for Tarot readings, but after reading Malkuth’s work, I decided to try out the I Ching reading. More to ruminate on!
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