People with high self esteem do you compare yourself?

[Martin]

I am picking up brains here from everybody, people with high and low self esteem.

I am often comparing myself to people and this means that sometimes I come out above and sometimes below people. And I get my self esteem from that : I know it is bad.

I am curious if people of high and low self esteem if they compare themselves. I guess people with low self esteem compare themselves but people with high self esteem what is your tough process? Do you compare themselves to other or you just don’t because you don’t care about others?

I read some of @friday posts where he says he believes he can reach any level giving enough time. Does that mean he compare himself to other and think he is superior?

Note I am trying to understand high self esteem people tough process to high jack my not high enough self esteem.

And I know everybody likes to say don’t compare yourself to other but let’s be honest here. This is a safe place to share honestly.

[mountainguy]

Comparison is poison. Use wisely.

[pacman]

@Martin

Does that mean he compare himself to other and think he is superior?

You should always think the best for your self.
Don’t let others think you are superior because no one will be thinking that way.

[ksub]

Comparison is a waste of time and rooted in insecurity. You’ll always find people who are better than you and people who are worse off than you are. Live your life in the best way that you can and let other people worry about themselves.

[AlexanderGraves]

At a certain point it’s less comparison, but acknowledgement.

Like if someone is truly successful, in the past I would’ve been like “Damn, look at me, not even close to that guy”
Now it’s more of, “Interesting how he is doing that. What can I learn from that?”

I think comparison switches to curiosity at some point.

[Sebastian_Po]

it is ok to compare，just leave out the emotional part…it is my personal belief that a fact doesn’t hurt people but the emotional assessment does …off course I am gonna compare myself with others，nothing wrong with that…I just dont feel anything about it…I see the difference from a pure rational standpoint …I dont judge myself for doing it …I dont feel superior or inferior either…just indifferent…and understand that at any given moment，anyone could change completely…people are different ，yeah ，it is obvious，at the same time ，when it comes to the subject of realizing true potential，we are not that different from one another…just cut yourself some slack，no need to worry about it…listen to the sub and do your things…everything will be taken care of…that is what happened to me ，I am sure it will be your experience too

[King]

People with high self-esteem also compare themselves to others - but usually they want to be better than these people. They call it “benchmarking”, or maybe “healthy competition.”

Or you can see it like the runners on a track see it. If I am competing at a 100m race on the track, I want to get the gold medal and therefore I must run the fastest among everyone else.

Human civilizations has progressed to this stage because humans are inspired to succeed by other humans who have succeeded before them.

Of course we have to be realistic… No point comparing yourself to Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates because their circumstances are/were different.

One can also argue that it is pointless for a tortoise to compare himself with a hare, as one treats life like a marathon and the other like a sprint. But well, maybe circumstances for both are different, who knows?

The hare might really have a short life span so he needs to get things done quickly, while the tortoise can afford to wait because he will live for hundred years longer than the hare.

To each his own I guess.

[Ingress]

@Martin

I am often comparing myself to people and this means that sometimes I come out above and sometimes below people.

You don’t. When you start to compare you’ve already lost.

@Martin

I read some of @friday posts where he says he believes he can reach any level giving enough time.

He’s comparing himself to himself.

[Martin]

Thanks for contributing but keep in mind I don’t ask what we believe it should be, but with your current level of self esteem what is your thought process.

Because I agree there is thing where in the self development movement it is said don’t compare yourself. I am just asking really people thought process.

@King

Of course we have to be realistic… No point comparing yourself to Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gates because their circumstances are/were different.

Agree agree. But let’s take an hypothetical example. I have a friend who makes three times my income has a beautiful wife and a nice house. We grew up together so i think we grew up together how comes I could not make it like him I am such a looser.
But let’s say I find out his wife cheat on him while I have two girlfriends. I will think ok he is rich but he doesn’t know how to get women like me thus I am better.

Look I don’t ask if it is a good (moral) way of thinking but can you really grow your high self esteem without comparing. Not hypothetically but really.

@Ingress

He’s comparing himself to himself.

Frankly you don’t know. That’s why I am saying what is their thought process not what we think it must be.

@AlexanderGraves

I think comparison switches to curiosity at some point.

Ok. So self esteem becomes un correlated to comparison at some point? So how do you esteem grow then? What does feed it? Just unconditional love ala LBFH?

@ksub

Comparison is a waste of time and rooted in insecurity. You’ll always find people who are better than you and people who are worse off than you are. Live your life in the best way that you can and let other people worry about themselves.

Kind of understand on a theoretical standpoint. But seems highly theoretical that’s why I am always curious about people actually living this

Edit: I appreciate the contribution just pushing back to get perspective as I am stuck on this.

[Malkuth]

I prefer to think of “self-esteem” and confidence contextually.

Sometimes, in life, it’s helpful to get granular. Especially when you’re trying to work with things that are painful or challenging.

Confidence, basically, refers to the expectation of a successful outcome.

If you’re walking and you trip, you have almost 100% confidence that you’re going to fall. So, in that context, you’re a very confident person.

But often when people talk about ‘confidence’ and ‘high self-esteem’, they’re referring to either a) the probability that “people” will like or admire them, or b) the probability that they’ll successfully perform some task that either they themselves or “society” define as worthy or valuable.

It can be helpful to clear away the generalizations and get down to the specifics of what you actually want to be successful at doing or being. That can protect you from the common problem of ‘moving the goalposts’ again every time you actually make a bit of progress.

[Beowulf]

Not sure if I have high self esteem or low self esteem. Whenever I feel down, I compare myself to other people and feel like I’m not achieving enough in life at my age. Yet whenever I feel good, I feel great that I’m better than past me. So this is just theoretical but if I feel good about myself ala LBFH, I feel no reason to compare to others because the desire to compare to others is due to a lack of self-love.

Also I vaguely remember @Invictus talking about this at some point, maybe he has an idea. I think he has pretty high self esteem and so he can probably weigh in on this.

[AlexanderGraves]

@Martin

Ok. So self esteem becomes un correlated to comparison at some point? So how do you esteem grow then? What does feed it? Just unconditional love ala LBFH?

Why do you need other people to grow?

Isn’t there enough within yourself that can be solved, changed, maximized that gives you room to grow?

[Malkuth]

To address the specific question:

@Martin

I am curious if people of high and low self esteem if they compare themselves.

Everyone compares themselves. It’s literally built into the body. We all have mirror neurons. And comparison is their basic biological function. We are also wired to acquire language, to acquire social and cultural norms, to perform and cooperate in groups and in social contexts, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, blah blah blah.

When people say don’t compare yourself, they are just speaking in a relaxed vernacular. If you’re translating it into the literal meaning, it will be something like: ‘Do not compare yourself too much’ or ‘Do not compare yourself to others to the extent that you lose the necessary focus for taking care of your individual needs and performing well’.

In everyday life, we’re not generally speaking with scientific precision. Outside of structured professional settings, it’s usually a mistake to interpret common expressions and cliches too rigidly or precisely. Instead, just try to catch the general, practical spirit of what people are expressing.

[ksub]

@Martin

@ksub

Comparison is a waste of time and rooted in insecurity. You’ll always find people who are better than you and people who are worse off than you are. Live your life in the best way that you can and let other people worry about themselves.

Kind of understand on a theoretical standpoint. But seems highly theoretical that’s why I am always curious about people actually living this

Edit: I appreciate the contribution just pushing back to get perspective as I am stuck on this.

It’s not theoretical to me that I’m better off than some people and worse off than some other people. My life has unfolded in a specific direction with specific sets of circumstances. I never had the opportunity that Jeff Bezos had. I wasn’t even in a place (geographically) where I would have been able to take advantage of that opportunity had I seen it. So what’s the point of comparing?
Now I achieved things that I don’t find extraordinary but some people told me that it was almost impossible (for them) to do. Finding a valid comparison is actually a hard thing to do.
I’d rather spend that time and energy setting my own goals and trying to find my own fulfillment in life. This is a very practical standpoint really.

[Martin]

@Malkuth

But often when people talk about ‘confidence’ and ‘high self-esteem’, they’re referring to either a) the probability that “people” will like or admire them, or b) the probability that they’ll successfully perform some task that either they themselves or “society” define as worthy or valuable.

self-esteem to me is about self worth. Kind of my value as a man.

And I have tendency to rate myself against other men along the criteria of attractiveness and wealth. And depending on how good my rate is, I feel good about myself or not. So I don’t compare or rate myself with everybody, but more to people in my social circle or people I meet in social settings. And this often determine how good I feel about myself.

When I say this it feels kind of retard, but that’s how my mind works.

@Malkuth

That can protect you from the common problem of ‘moving the goalposts’ again every time you actually make a bit of progress.

True, I have this tendency also. It is kind of a

Perfectionism (psychology)

@AlexanderGraves

Why do you need other people to grow?

You are kind of saying that ideally you want to compare yourself now to your previous (not as good a few years ago) self and this feed your esteem? Like saying to yourself how much you improved in such and such makes you proud of yourself?

@Beowulf

So this is just theoretical but if I feel good about myself ala LBFH, I feel no reason to compare to others because the desire to compare to others is due to a lack of self-love.

Kind of true. After a good workout, when I am full of endorphins and pumped I feel like a sexy badasss. Then I dont care about anyone because I feel so good. So how do you actually build this? On top of LBFH?

[AlexanderGraves]

@Martin

You are kind of saying that ideally you want to compare yourself now to your previous (not as good a few years ago) self and this feed your esteem? Like saying to yourself how much you improved in such and such makes you proud of yourself?

100%.

For a simple reason.

I don’t know the details of anyone’s life. I haven’t walked in their shoes. Plus, what they portray online/outwards might just be facade for all I know.

THE ONLY person I TRULY know, is me.
And my former self.

If I look back who I was 5 years ago I don’t recognize that guy at all. And this makes me proud.
I grew so much, it’s insane.

Yet, “we’re on top of the mountain, but we’re only halfway there”

Self improvement never stops, that’s the beauty of it.

But I don’t need anyone else to see my progress in life.

[Malkuth]

@Martin

self-esteem to me is about self worth. Kind of my value as a man.

Yes.

But look deeper into how you actually define that value. It’s going to come back to some specific actions, contexts, and triggers that you may or may not have examined closely.

They’re worth examining.

Look through them honestly. Review specifically what you have been allowing to serve as the standards of your worth.

And then start to choose what is truly appropriate to serve as those standards.

Also, run Ascension (if you’re not already).

It’ll help.

(My post is a little unnecessary. The fact that you even created this thread in the first place is a sign that your mind is already doing the above. Probably inspired by whatever subs you’re already running. But it’s worth expressing explicitly.

Also remember: your conscious thoughts and concerns are almost always running behind whatever your subconscious is accomplishing at the moment. So when something’s bothering you consciously, take that as a cause for encouragement. It means your subconscious is working on building a response to it.)

[Simon]

@Martin

people with high self esteem what is your tough process? Do you compare themselves to other

I can’t compare myself to others. There’s simply no one else (exactly) like me, or on the (exact) same path as me.

Apples to Oranges … makes no sense.

---

@Martin

or you just don’t because you don’t care about others?

Comparing and Caring seem to be two completely unconnected variables.

Or maybe you meant “others’ opinions”?

[Malkuth]

@Simon

I can’t compare myself to others. There’s simply no one else (exactly) like me, or on the (exact) same path as me.

And you were able to reach this conclusion by doing what exactly?

My statement is partly facetious.

I feel the same way.

Yet, there are varieties and forms of comparison.

It’s still in there somewhere.

[Fractal_Explorer]

@Malkuth

Everyone compares themselves. It’s literally built into the body. We all have mirror neurons. And comparison is their basic biological function. We are also wired to acquire language, to acquire social and cultural norms, to perform and cooperate in groups and in social contexts, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, blah blah blah.

This is a really good point. One I wished I understood when younger. I did try to stop that behavior, I took it literally when I heard it from most people. And the irony is that fueled my perfectionist tendencies because every time I compared myself I thought I failed in some way. Imagine being a human, doing human things and then beating yourself up for it and that was me in a nutshell.