Just watching a church service on YT.
The readings spoke to me. They’re hitting right on the topics I’m meditating on recently.
A few days ago, I realized that I’m really missing the close relationship to God I once had. I told my fiance, that I want to focus on this next year, once I’ve done more foundational work and once I’ve have a stable income, I can work on my spirituality again.
But @CurlyGirl just asked “What if you need it restore your relationship with God first to become successful?”
What if she is right?
This morning at breakfast, a remark from my grandma made me realize, that I’m still afraid of a deeper connection with good since the last time I put all my life at the line (studying Theology to become a Catholic Priest), it lead to a burnout and a severe depression with suicidal tendencies at some points.
So I’m basically afraid of a deeper connection because it almost lead to my death the last time.
So let’s have a look at the readings of last week.
Isaiah 6
5 “Woe is me! I am doomed.
For I am a man of unclean lips,
and I live among a people of unclean lips,
yet my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.”
6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me, holding in his hand a burning coal that he had removed from the altar with a pair of tongs. 7 He touched my mouth with it and said,
“Now that this has touched your lips,
your guilt has been removed
and your sin has been blotted out.”
8 I then heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me!”
I want this deeper connection, while at the same time I’m afraid of the consequences. I feel guilt because of the self-induced separation. Which makes it harder to return to God. I still feel like the prodigal son who hat lost the connection not only to his father but also to the abundance that awaits in his proximity.
1 Corinthians 15
10 However, by the grace of God I am what I am, and the grace he has bestowed upon me has not proved to be fruitless. Indeed, I have worked harder than any of them—although that should not be credited to me but to the grace of God within me.
Luke 5
4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” 5 Simon answered, “Master, we worked hard throughout the night and caught nothing; but if you say so, I will let down the nets.” 6 When they had done this, they caught such a great number of fish that their nets were beginning to tear. 7 Therefore, they signaled to their companions in the other boat to come and help them. They came and filled both boats to the point that they were in danger of sinking.
Abundance awaits those who trust the Lord.
