I woke up this morning feeling good.
Not just any brand of good. This is a feeling I used to know well and live with day by day.
The feeling that I get when I’m on at least a 7 day No PMO streak. Seeing as I’m certainly not, my inner theory about Primal seems close to accurate; Primal has definitely been 'sharpening ’ my sexual nature. Whetting my edge removing blemishes, notches and imperfections.
My head is marvelously clear for the first time in awhile. I didn’t get to lay down last night until a bit past 2200 and I can’t say what time I fell asleep, but, after I put on the Kyballion, I only woke up once before my alarm at 0315.
So even though I didn’t get much sleep, I feel ready. I said this awhile ago in my journal - I honestly believe PMO is detrimental to results. (First edit: going too fast. I forgot to add that I don’t know whether edging has an affect, that’s what I’ve been doing rather than climaxing.)
Whether this is a limiting belief or rather limited belief or based on facts, idk.
I’ve been doing waaay better with porn lately, though. I didn’t even think to look it up last night and if I had to intuit what might have happened if I did, it would have been one of those stray thoughts like, ‘Damn, that’s a cool bird. I wonder if he’s related to a Pterodactyl… Oh, right. I was thinking about money.’ type shit.
Reading the ZP thread, my only thought is how badass Sage Immortal would be in ZP. I haven’t run SG (as I think the accepted acronym is? SI is claimed by Survival Instinct. I like SIM better, personally) but every single solitary day, I catch myself wondering if I could justify changing my stack to include it.
However.
I don’t want to change my stack for a month or two unless it’s for a second custom. I have a custom that I am taking my sweet time with musing over every once in awhile, which will likely consist of Heartsong as a solo core or paired with two very complementary partners.
Dat Alexander’s Play, doe
My current custom is a bit more spread in cores but I have zero regrets adding AM, Primal and IC together. If I could go back and tell Ninjistic one thing to add into it, it would be to throw in Inner Gasoline.
Let’s see…
Yesterday, 9/22:
I played, in this order, LDU, HS, SoL, and Mind’s Eye (ME was ultrasonic last night, might be another reason for my mental clarity).
LDU felt fine with little fog. Heartsong, though. Fuck. I definitely considered backing down from playing it midway because of the head traffic I felt. RV was popping into my head, coaxing me to consider a rest day.
My adopted parents always said I have selective hearing.
I made it through HS and I was glad I didn’t give in cuz the next one to come on was SoL. What’s very interesting to me about yesterday’s loop of the custom was that I actually didn’t detect or sense that it had changed titles listening to the fade out and in of water sound, like I usually do.
I actually felt the difference IMMEDIATELY.
I recall it felt like going from a sauna at an uncomfortable heat to feeling refreshing, wonderful water trickling down from the top of my head down the front of my face and then flowing throughout my body.
Me, gripping my metaphorical toilet bar and holding on for dear life (I should be in a novela, I’m so dramatic) felt like a had been granted a pardon by the gods and relieved of my damnation and load.
It was truly amazing, and wonderful to realize that my brain is finally getting used to my custom. But yeah, I didn’t even know it had switched titles already and I felt a bit of elation thinking that HS had crested the 7% grade uphill and I was beginning to pick up momentum on the downgrade. But I checked, and SoL was about a minute in.
Either that, or getting shocked (no pun intended) feels pleasurable compared to your heart and feelings being run through on some next level quantum shit
Either way, I’ll have to consider either switching HS to the third play slot after SoL, or drop use of it to every other play cycle like I had planned with Primal Seduction.
Speaking of which. I know I had it in my stack all of one week, but for whatever reason, I honestly feel like I was drawn to simply use that title a couple of times because when I was prepared to play it the other day, I felt something deep within me strongly advising against it. I had my thumb frozen over the play button for about ten seconds that felt like forever, listening to the debate going on within me to see if I could determine if it was simply recon, but, I had the thought to review the list of titles I owned.
So I did. Obviously, Mind’s Eye is in the beginning of this post so this another one of those linear things I don’t need to finish the storyline of.
I woke up this morning with @Malkuth on my mental. Not sure what that’s about, but I feel like I had some pretty dope, intense dreams last night.
Uhhh… I know there’s more. A lot more. Wow. .
So my mind just opened and I had a flash of realization that I’ve been taking my journaling both too serious and being too laissez-faire about it.
Too serious in the sense that even now, three hundred and eighty something days later of having created an account, I wonder what to put and what not to put.
Laissez-faire, meaning I don’t, or rather haven’t been, taking the power of journaling serious enough. I know better. But, as I’ve heard…
Knowledge isn’t power. What is done with that knowledge, is
Definitely more later, I feel inner movement telling me a spiel is coming