Happy birthday to me.
30!
ā¦I donāt feel 30.
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Happy Birthday!
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Happy Birthday!
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Happy birthday!
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Yesterday I used KB ST1 and the updated Love Bomb for Humanity.
Over the last week, Iāve woken up way earlier than usual. Iāll be laying in bed and check my phone, and the time is usually only like 7. But it feels like Iāve been up for hours.
I told the cashier at Walgreens that I like her eyes and commented on how she looks like Regina George - edit, my fault. Regina King* 
Her.
Not her
and she said āthank you! I like your whole everythingā¦ -vaguely made a gesture up and down my body- your whole ensemble!ā
I laughed and said a bit incredulously, āMy ENSEMBLE?ā
She said, "Yeah, as soon as yāall walked in (me and my dad) I felt your energy. Youāre good.
I told her that was the best compliment I had in awhile and she looked at me crazy talm bout thatās crazy, you should get that often.r
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Poor papa he just wanted to get some stuff from Walgreens instead has Regina George chasing him now 
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I ran WB two mornings ago and ran LBfH and Khan Black right now, 30 seconds each.
Hugged an attractive stranger that was distraught at the dealership yesterday. She had pulled me to the side asking if the lady I was with was my mom. I confirmed and she said that she reminded her of her own mom.
It seemed like it was her finding an excuse to start a convo and maybe it was cuz she kept smiling at me from behind her desk and making eye contact whenever I would look over. I noticed her fanning her eyes and jokingly asked if she had an eyelash stuck. She looked around a bit surprised and smiled a little and shook her head no.
I could feel she was going through something and felt hella compassion towards her. I saw her doing it again - fanning - and got up to go outside to smoke a cigarette. As I got closer to her I said, āI would love to give you a hug right now.ā With a sympathetic smile.
Totally genuine.
So, as I finished my smoke outside, surprise surprise, she had made her way outside and was finishing her own cig.
She caught my attention from like 20 ft away and mouthed āsorryā.
I hit her with the ādonāt beā dismissive wave and she walked towards me, saying that she had a moment, with her arms reached out towards me. I was surprised but I gave her the hug that I knew I wanted, but didnāt know I needed.
Love Bomb for Humanity if you ask me, bub
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Wanted Black and Ascension Chamber - full loop
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New custom, just ordered:
Stroke of Art
Wanted Black
The Revelation of the Nectar Within
Alexanderās Play
Gorgeous Manifestor
Sexual Manifestation
Approachability Aura
Total Nonchalance
Edge of Falling
Potentiator
Kingās Radiance
Enchanting Smile
Seducerās Gaze
Sensuality & Handsomeness Improver
Hegemon
Charisma and Flirting Automatic Mentor/Improver
Song of Joy
Virtue Series: Kindness
Virtue Series: Patience
New Dawn
Restorer of Ways
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You said stroke 
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Running the updated Power Can Corrupt, Emperor: the Will to Power now.
This will be the last title I run to begin my washout and I plan to create a custom with this title as soon as it is available, so, running it full time as I usually do.
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Full loop, easy to run.
Read the sales page slowly, which was probably the 5th time tonight, but this read I digested the entire page, word for word, while reading and focusing on my breathing as the loop went on.
On this read, it seemed like my ability to process the words was easier than each read previously so, Iām sure thereās cognitive/comprehensive scripting to new information.
As I felt things shifting in the tell-tale way in my brain and, interestingly my abdomen - slight twisting, with feelings of released tension and a calm hint of assuredness building - I would check the time to see and, yeah, these shifts happened more noticeably at the 3 and 7 minute mark.
The feelings of shifting receded into smoothness before the subliminal track finished and interestingly, I was laying down here, feeling a bit tired. Itās almost 9:38.
Now, I feel a certainā¦ Vibrancy enveloping me as aurically. An upliftance that as I focus and Swype this out, I feel my mind clearing. Assuredness.
I feel optimism with this one will be a theme, and āall pervading powerā flashed into my mind, which was interesting 
My abdomen is continuing to relax and now itās like my mind is clearing up more and my breathing patterns are becoming much smoother, calmer, less tense.
Wow, okay soā¦ Iām in the dark and canāt really confirm that Iām not tripping but I feel like my perception is becoming clearer. This title will be an interesting one.
More later, for sure.
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E:WP is manifesting quickly and I havenāt even left my house today.
As Iām thinking about different, random things and considering the power dynamic therein, Iām getting instant synchronicities having to do with it.
For example, I was considering the wisdom of keeping who Iāve had sex with completely and totally to myself with no need to tell friends, and the potential power of this.
Went on Instagram midthought, and scrolled directly to a post that says,
āThings to keep secret (it was underlined in the post, so I put it in bold.)ā
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A big part of the reason that I immediately jumped onto Emperor: The Will to Power is that Iām very much interested in organically learning to develop my inner power dynamic and have that meld into my outer power dynamics with:
- My mom and dad.
As Iāve said before on this journal, I moved from Vegas to California to take care of my dad after he had a stroke. Iāve lost a lot of sense of inner power in this:
Feeling like living with my parents at now 30, even for these reasons, and not having the same level of activity due to in the beginning needing to constantly be around for him/them, and then myself rationalizing/justifying my current lack of activity based off of excuses of the past.
No.
I could do more; Iāve grown excessively comfortable.
I also feel as if Iām being used with them; both very demanding in their way, and Iām the kind of guy that likes to help.
To a point.
So, this title will be useful in reclaiming the sense of power that I had a few months ago and going even beyond that.
- My kidās mom.
Baby mama drama, self-explanatory even if you donāt have one. I want to reclaim my power in this dynamic as well.
- Friends.
I have a few people that I hang around with in my apartment complex, Iāve noted a couple before. Itās a kinda toxic group of people and, though I saw it from the beginning, I figured:
āEh, Iām not doing anything better right now, might as well hang out to pass the time.ā
Wrong. Especially if youāre energetically sensitive. Thereās lots of alcohol and drugs, arguing, and general toxicity. Iāve distanced myself over the past couple of weeks and been called out for it more than once, even being joked about that I have a curfew.
I do. My curfew is when my intuition tells me this has gone on long enough, and I obey more and more lately.
Things tend to happen whenever Iām not around like fighting and what not, I sense this coming.
And, I want to grow to accept the masculine/feminine power dynamic more, without needing to hate/disparage women for their hypergamy and seeming paradoxical ways of seeing the world or being insecure that Iāll one day be the victim of drive-by hypergamy (Mr. Steal Yo Girl) as well as unlearning things that cause me to deny my own masculine power in relationships, particularly with women, in stating how I feel, what I want, and what I wonāt tolerate.
I was in a more powerful place within months ago and due to not being as active as I was with my delivery job and not being as social and traveling like I was used to, and getting into smoking weed, streaming services, social media and even jacking off cuz āthereās nothing better to doā, Iāve lost a lot of it.
Didnāt expect to type that all out
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This titleās confidence booster is prevalent this morning. In the morning errand of taking my dad to his appointment, as I was encountering people, I was noticing different ways that I āmade myself smallerā around others, subconsciously.
Focusing on it, I noticed immediate tension relaxation and a certain burgeoning realization of how my self-perception was the perception of myself that I was assuming onto others.
So, I began to make a game of catching any slips into ānonbeingā and focusing on being. If that makes sense.
Iām also seeing inner evidence that my assertiveness is revealing itself again.
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My ātake commandā nature began asserting itself from early this morning.
Weāve been moving house as weāre going to be moving to a different apartment complex in another city, and so the past couple of days have consisted of moving things to storage.
As I mentioned in a post above recently, my parents are quite demanding, each in their way. And my dad, though heās in the wheelchair, still insists upon trying to control things, in different manifestations.
This irks me, but, out of ārespectā (desire to not rock the boat and have an explosive argument), I usually let him dictate and watch as things fall apart and do it my way in the first place.
Not so today.
In more than several instances today, I more than once stopped what I was doing to consider the next move, had one of my parents immediately jump in to tell me what to do and calmly listened, waited for them to finish and told them exactly what I was going to do, and to relax:
āYou might think Iām not sure what to do next. Relax. Iāve been moving for two hours now, Iām resting.ā
More than one time I made a point to stop, wait for someone to say something, and directly and yet kindly told them to ārelax, Iām not new to this.ā
I directed the flow of things that way that I chose, and felt very little irritation at my dadās seeking to confirm himself by saying to everybody, āSee? I know what Iām talking about. Iāve been doing thisā and my momās fawning affirmationā¦
As Iām the one ultimately choosing where weāre putting things, and lugging the majority of it, with assistance from a neighbor.
I could go on with simply these events but, I mention these only to note:
Iām seeing that this title reminds me of the truth of my inner power, my innerā¦meā¦ That Iāve allowed to fall by the wayside in conformity.
Iām given the choice of whether Iāll say something about something or, allow things to play out.
Iām shown how I feel about things, and choices of responses to them.
Plenty more, Iāll allow the day to develop from here.
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My dad just gifted me some Jordans that heās only worn a couple of times.
Never owned a pair in my life but, very grateful 
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Iām thinking Iāll wake up to this one since it hasnāt arrived yet.
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