NewLease; One Day At A Time

Much appreciated bro

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Started listening to the the full stack last night. Don’t know why I’m procrastinating with the supercharger when I love the effects so much. I guess it self-sabotage but I’m going to stop that.

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My guilty pleasure when it came to TV shows was The Vampire Diaries and the one thing that I always found interesting was that the vamps could turn their emotions on and off. When they couldn’t feel they gave zero fucks. How cool would it be to have a sub like that?

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That’s not a positive skill. It’s reality, look at what happened to our world. This is because of those vampires controlling it, they turned of their emotions, they don’t give a fuck whether or not it’s fair, whether or not it’s good, they only think about themselves.

Rather protect yourself from the negative emotions, shield yourself from negativity and let the positive emotions flourish.

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I’m thinking about going back to just EV4

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Started getting a headache around 1:30pm. Taking a from EV4 for the rest of the day and tonight.

EV4 still has a lot of work to do in me. The idea of being social and attracting women still feels alien to me. Still have anxiety, still stuttering when I talk, not anymore clever or wittier than I usually am. When I try to act different it still feels forced because I know its still me and no one is buying it. I know action is necessary but again…alien. I also have the feeling that Jamaica might not be conducive to the changes I want to make and the person I want to be. Everything feels so restrictive, and I feel shackled. Sadly I think I’m use to the chains.

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Whoa! First reconciliation had me down but I got over it in 10 minutes. And now my brain feels like it’s in overdrive. Taking the rest of the day off again.

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@NewLease - I thought Jamaica was easier for meeting women. Especially tourists.

I guess if you are a tourist then maybe but just a guy living here, options kinda limited.

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@NewLease - I meant locals who date tourists.

Only if you live near the tourists areas or spending time at a resort.

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@NewLease - ah ok. I learnt something today. But yeah, living near tourist areas, that could be goals :wink:

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Thats true @Lion , something to think about. :+1:

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Had a dream last night. Can’t really remember the first part but I remember most of the second. I was at the WWE Performance Center ready to try out. I met Triple H, Shawn Michaels and Stephanie McMahon. They Triple H shook hands with me, everyone was encouraging but I was hesitant to tryout because I was out of shape. Stephanie then gave me drugs to lose weight and all the while I was thinking do I really want this. Then I found myself on tour in the UK with some British wrestlers. Not sure if I was still in training or if I got signed to a contract.

I also decided to give True Social a try because I want to start meeting people especially girls. Loneliness is getting to me a bit. Not adding Social King yet; just want to go with EV4 only until the end of February.

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Tiny little vent. I play the ultrasonic on set and forget at a comfortable -50 only for my phone to ring and knock it down to -60. Annoying lol…Oh well lets see how well -60 works.

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I am noticing that every morning when I wake up, its like something has fallen away and sitting here at work with EV4 playing I feel something is building up.

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Waking up in the morning with EV4 play playing on set and forget always feels good. A lot of things are being worked out and I feel more free each day. Still not at that point where I feel like anything is possible and I still care what other people think which stops me from making the first step.

I realized something a few days ago. I want these subs to work so that I can take the first step but I have to take the first for these subs to work.

Okay so here is the plan. I going to take time off from this forum until I make the first step. I love being here so that is added incentive. The next post will be results related to dating and socializing. See you all soon…hopefully.

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I know what I said about action and posting but during the past 2 days I’ve been putting thought in to what I really want right now. In terms of my professional life I feel content right now, my dating and social life is the real problem and that is what I want to focus on. I just started playing Primal Seduction this morning and will be doing so for the same amount of time as I did EV4.

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Today I realized what kind of man I am and I hate it. I hate all of it and I’m done. I don’t care about dating, socializing, relationships or any of that anymore. I want to not be weak, I want to not be pushed around, I want power and I want to be able to stand my ground. I don’t care if die old and alone. I prefer that than dying surrounded by people as a sorry excuse for a fucking human being with nothing to show for himself. Listening to EV4 until the end of February, putting back PCC and A&C starting March.

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