Welocme! This journal will be used to review each stage of new Khan after a full cycle. Large scale reviews per say. Now before starting to review a full cycle on stage 1, a little background!
About me: Old user here. Used lots of status/attraction subs and gotten great results. Still lacks something.
Challenge level: Hardcore! I am being blunt here. I’ve struggled with self love, identity, imposter syndrome, overthinking, I tend to take the short way, magic pill thinking, coined the term sub-hopping yet one of the most guilty of it, have abandonment issues, barely survived many years of mental abuse by a ruthlessly coward & narcissisc parent.
Saving Graces: Never gives up and is self aware enough to take 100% responcibility.
Now its time to review Cycle 1 of Khan Stage 1: Total Breakdown!
Before i started TB i’ve read the sale copy which struck fear inside me. I knew it would be some sort of hell but i also knew it would be worth it. I started with 3 loops per week 5 min each and with each passing day i’ve felt discomfort increasing. Good then it’s probably working.
By the end of the second week i was facing all my vices and demons all at once. I became intimatly aware of each of them regarding money, success and relationships. Most importantly when it comes to inner peace.
With each passing day things got worse and worse which further highlighted obsticle within. I was losing control and myself quickly enough i started walking around with nothing but pain and examining each and every single beliefe, mental structure and saftey net that ever existed within.
This process was so deep and profund i ended up knowing only only few things
1: I dont know myself
2: I dont know anything
3: I can’t trust nor identify with thought my mind produces anymlore.
4: I can’t trust nor identify with any emotion i feel.
5: I cant even hope, dream or wish for anything anymore.
Sounds extreme but TB deliverd. There was no paranoia nor madness all things considerd. Only clarity of everything futile and false. Yet a part of me still hoped for an answor, an escape from this chaos, for something strong to emerge which makes all right again.
This too was a coping mechanism next on the chopping block. By knowing how little i know about my self and the world i started to know myself. A makeshift person made of fear, pain and anger held toghether by pride and romantic ideals.
Metaphorically speaking, Total Breakdown was a sauna with no escape. With time the temperature rises and the sweat it draws is the very toxins which stood in the way. This process both uncomfortable and painful. But you will see the light at the end of the tunnel? Right?
No, for the very same toxins you sweat vaporise and become a dark mist which blinds your sight, deafens your ears, clogs your nose and mutes your mouth.
In that darkness you want it to end, for the pain to go away and to feel good once more. Thats when you turn to your coping mechanisms which only increses the temperature of the sauna. Bad move
So you start to lose the fight to struggle and embrace the pain. No matter how hard you try to escape, deep down you know there you are ment to stay. But things only get worse. Old wounds will start to reopen and any traces of toxins will slowly evaporate.
This is the part where you see nothing but darkness. You will question hope itself.
You will be guided to accept what is, and nothing else. There is no room for anything else, for now.
You will be at peace with who you really are even if what you are is an unknown. And if all of this becomes an excuse to stay still and be sad well the sauna will respond to inaction with hotter steam.
The sauna punishes inaction and much as weak action. You are not meant to figure anything out at the moment because you most likely tried to figure it out 100 times before which did not work as it should, cuz if it did there would be no discomfort.
You will observe your thoughts, habits and emotions painfully clear and know their shortcumings. Just try replacing them with a better alternative, if its with weak resolve it too is on the chopping block.
You will not be able to go beyond with half measures and what some might call ” The 3 am random motivation ” that too is coping and self deluding. You will be aware of how little you love yourself which will be felt as ” self hate ”…
That too is a sin. The impulsive urge to be proactive and ” do something ” will also be on the list if its done with weak resolve.
Who am i. What do i want? in the hot uncomfortable steam of the sauna mixed with the black mist of your venemous sweat and especislly that of your old scars you will find no answors. The only thing you find is true peace and acceptance. For the real building starts at Stage 2.
When do i know it the time is right for stage 2? My answor is when i no longer look forward to it.
So im in for another cycle. I’ve also used New Love Bomb singe relese alongside TB. Self love sounds perfect to build when breaking down the bad.