my name is Patrick, I’m 33 and from Germany.
I’m here, after a friend told me to get Khan Black for some remnants of my porn addiction. At first I was super skeptical, but now I have already spent 3 days researching subs and this forum and now I’m totally hyped, spending most of my free time here, reading journals.
I got hooked on porn with 12 when internet became available and I could download hentai with a 56k modem. 2 years later I turned seriously religious (catholic), but still couldn’t quit this addiction. After graduation I studied theology to become a priest but still, my addiction got worse with the faster internet. Now I was either reading fantasy novels, gaming, binge watching TV Shows or watching porn.
Hated myself for not being able to stop.
With 25, after 10 days of Silence, prayer and Introversion, I realized, that priesthood wasn’t my vocation. Shortly after I had a burnout and a severe depression.
Couldn’t get back to Life for years. I tried a lot of stuff like eft, natural remedies, it got better, but nothing really put me back in the saddle. I started dancing (salsa, bachata, rock’n’roll), historical fencing (hence my name: Lichtenauer was to fencing what Einstein was to physics) and found some friends, but financially, romantically and meaning wise i was totally broke. I was (still am) living of financial support from my family, was always a best friend but never more and didn’t know what to do with my life.
Until June '21: I started a training to become a life coach. And that changed everything. I started to understand why I was in my life exactly where I was, why I was stagnating for years. And that everything I ever experienced combined with what I’ve learned until that point didn’t have the power to change that. With the techniques I learned I slowly started to regenerate. I was able to love myself again. And not long after that, I’ve met my soulmate. It was magical. The first time I visited her, we just held each other and we were able to feel the healing circulating. I was magnetically pulled towards a book she had lying around, followed my impulse to read her a paragraph. It was a book from a medium, and in said paragraph Jesus said, Now its the time that soulmates are united. Pure magic.
This was two years ago. Since then we moved together, I proposed, she accepted, we’re working on our healing on a daily basis with our wide repertoire of techniques from our coaching training (that’s the way we met, btw).
But when you stir the pot to get rid of your inner rot and decay, it’s not always easy. We were struggling financially the whole time, both some 10k € debt. Earlier this year, we had to move to my family (big house), what makes it easier on the financial side. But privacy is another matter. I had several relapses with porn (to much pressure/fear/stress), what triggered her old wounds of rejection.
A few years ago, when my addiction was at its high point, I was suicidal. I despised myself. I couldn’t look me in the eye. I wanted to be loved but couldn’t even love myself. I spent 12-20 hours a day wasting my time watching porn, playing porn games, watching TV and gaming. I was unable to hold an erection, serious ED. I was a rather natural talent at dancing. But at parties, I never dared to speak to an attractive women, if I didn’t know her already. And when I some how made her acquaintance, I was automatically friendzoned,
In my relationship i was quite frank about my addiction. And with the coaching techniques I first recovered from my ED, then we worked on the porn addiction. And step by step, I was able to let it go.
Now, I’m almost clean. When things turned rough, I sometimes relapsed. But not in a way that i turn back into my old self from 3 years ago. More like a former alcoholic drinking a couple of beers under to much pressure and that’s it. Without becoming a drunkard again. But the thing is I couldn’t be honest about it with my fiance. I wasn’t able to confront myself with my failure, so I lied to me by lying to her. And that hurt her more than my porn relapse.
I was overweight since I was 8 (when my mom spent most of the time in hospital).
90 kg with 18, 117kg with 25. But I was always quite muscular. With 25 I started dancing and fencing and kept a good diet what reduced my weight down to 90 kg again. Then the 'rona hit and I gained 10 kg again. In my relationship and when the stirred up shit surfaced, I got back to 116 kg. Starting 4 weeks without sugar on Sunday and contemplating joining another sports club. In the end I want to go down to 85 kg, while gaining some serious muscle.
Also my blood pressure is a bit high (150/88) so another reason to start loosing weight.
In my coaching training was a big module about marketing and business (about a third).
Since porn was one of the main factors that destroyed my life (extremely simplified), I decided to become a porn addiction recovery coach. But as I later learned, most strategies that work for most topics (business, parenting, health, relationships…) don’t work with a shame-ridden topic like porn-addiction. So, where many of my friends easily make 5-10k/month, some even 25K/month, I didn’t make a single buck.
One point is, that I now know, that I need rather pull than push marketing, opening a YT channel and stuff. The other is, that I have major problems with focus and productivity. I kept wasting my time procrastinating.
So I need to be visible, attract attention to my cause, be productive, create content for social media, make people realize their problem and build the believe, that I’m able to help them (what I definitely am), sell them my product. Therefor I need to radiate confidence and empathy and I need to be able to make potential customers believe in themselves.
Her big passion (beside me) is writing poetry. When I decided to start a coaching business, she decided to go into copywriting in the personality development sector. She landed a big customer right from the start but he dropped her without giving a reason, after praising her writing all the time.
Having no money to pay your debt combined with me lying to her about my relapse and the missing privacy, she got severely depressed. We needed a few month to understand whats going on, and the shes not just feeling a bit down because of circumstances. Now, we’re working on her depression, and 2 new possibles customers appeared on the Horizon.
I’ve spent countless hours in the last couple of years studying human psyche, why we do what we do, what holds us back/ keeps us small, how we are influenced by our subconscious programming, where it stems from and so forth. I witnessed, studied and accompanied dozens of healings myself.
I came to the conviction that subs are a very valuable and genius tool for change. I’ve read quite some journals in the last couple of days that dumbfounded me. Partially from the successes, partially from the blindness that still exists despite the successes. So I’m pondering writing a little 101 on personality development for the community (if it doesn’t exist already) to contribute what I can and to further own abilities to explain this stuff in English. Any oppinnion on that?
- getting a job (until my business makes enough)
- becoming focused and productive
- building a successful coaching business
- becoming financially free
- healing the remnants of my addiction
- helping my fiance with her depression
- Getting in shape - loosing 100 pounds - joining a sports club (emperor?)
EMPEROR, to become more focused, productive, to build my empire and generate wealth.
LBfH to heal what is still keeping me back (also it’s free, and I have to be economical)
No third for at least the first cycle.
Subs I plan to use
RICH to manifest some money so I can start enjoy living some more
DR to heal the shit out of me
KB To heal the sexual wounds I suffered from porn abuse and female rejection
PCC & IC for Networking, making friends and finding solid mentors
Ehom to set up a dynasty
LoS for physical perfection
Something sexual to spice up our sexlife
- Keep Emperor for a year as foundation
- Adding RICH in the next cycle or the cycle after the next
- Swapping LBFH for DR in three month when I’m accustomed to subs
- Listening to DR for 3 Months each stage
- Swapping DR for KB for another year
- Perhaps swapping RICH for LoS or something sexual when money is sufficient
Do you have any recommendations/ input concerning my stack/ stack plans?
Would Stark, Chosen or any other title be better for my business plans, since they seem to magnetically pull people towards you, what would be fundamental for my business.
Would it be wise to add one of those to my stack, to complement Emperor?
My fiance is listening to Emperor with me atm. I’m thinking about getting her RM: Ultimate Writer, since it would suit her more being a writer, building her copy writing business. She has listened to Emperor two times with me. Can she still just drop Emperor and start RM:UWX or does she have to do a washout? and if she would need a washout, could she pause emperor, listen to LBfH in the meantime and start with UWX in 12 days, or should she listen to Emperor with me for the remaining days of the cycle and swap then?