Today was weird I guess, didn’t really feel like doing anything was losing motivation and feeling a little depressed but pushed myself to go to the gym even though I ended up going just before it closes so didn’t get my full workout in 
later felt better and went out but my friends couldn’t get into the club, I have noticed more sex dreams even today and more attention from others, also when I walk I feel like a king with godly body language and just eminating this awesome vibe, also today this drunk friend of mine was acting suppppppeeeerrr clingy and was drunk but I was so calm and controlled and had a strong frame and people noticed which was good
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Also I’ve noticed everytime I’m using elixir and something is about to come up my mind just pushes it back down and its like it isn’t allowed to come up at all like it’s something cursed or something, any idea how do I prevent this from happening and allow my mind to not come in my way so I can process the darkness
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I’m just feeling this resistance to write this journal but I’ll still do it coz I wanna track my progress, today was an interesting day, got up late again, noticed these past few days I’m sleeping waay linger then normal, was feeling lazy but still got ready coz I had a few people over in order to chill, listened to libertine but my mind kept wandering off, after libertine tho this chick attacked me on a group and boom my state crashed badly, I got defensive and went ham on her and attacked her back, causing some drama in the group, but that left me reaaaaaallly shaken coz that was all I could think about, was really pissed off and couldn’t even talk to anyone properly, then she messaged me and apologised and I did too and was a little vulnerable and authentic and my body was shaking and I had tears in my eyes, I really don’t be authentic much so this was a nice change for my body, I then called her to chill with us but in my mind hadn’t forgiven her completely so I was a little distant even though I was polite, later I read it again and the feelings came up again so I thought I’ll release them using elixir but it didn’t really work and I could feel a lot of resistance from my brain, it’s not ready to surrender to elixir yet, distracts me a lot, feels uncomfortable and random pops or movements in order to get me out of the trance state and also making me feel this desperate urge to stop towards the end of the third track, I can push through and play till the end but don’t know how to fight the distractions and surrender to elixir
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Also an update don’t know if I’ve written already but had this chick hit me up randomly after I helped her in the group and she asked to chill, today she asked if some others could join and with the advice from others said it would be better if it’s just us this time, this chick has been receptive and invested already so hoping something happens when we meet but let’s see where it goes, even if nothing happens I’ll try my best to keep an open mind and just enjoy her time and energy rather then desperately trying to get into her pants and being a needy beta
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Sounds like it was a test, and you passed it.
Try meditating for 5-10 minutes beforehand, and try lowering the loops to 1 or 2. Three might be causing too much cleaning, hence why you cannot relax.
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Today was a normal day, went out to play boardgames with a new group but went a little late so couldn’t play much, however noticed people were naturally more friendly to me, might be coz of their nature coz these r generally nice guys or might be coz of the subs who knows, anyways while going to the place I noticed my walk and body language and it’s that of a king and I get so much attention coz of it and whenever I’m walking past a girl she naturally stares at me and when I look into her eyes looks down immediately after holding a bit of eye contact, after that I did jack off coz I was bored and my subconscious took over and convinced me to do it, I immediately felt down and noticed that whenever I’m on a few days of no fap it really boosts the results of the subs so now I’m gonna try to maintain more control, other then that nothing much happened still feeling really lazy and down
Also I have noticed this a lot of myself, many times when I don’t feel like doing something I feel a small nudge and I end up doing it and it really works out well, only thing is sometimes I am tooo afraid to act on it and a lot of the times I’m still too much into the “life is happening to me” mindset to actually make changes, which is why I can’t really take much action and I’m looking for subs that make people approach me instead of the other way around, it is changing tho, really slowly but still is, I feel like this will be solved by running ascension and godlike masculinity which I’m gonna use after I finish 6 months of regeneration as I feel that will set up a great foundation after being cleared of my emotional trauma, I don’t know if it will clear all of it but I’ll still run it for 6 months and see what happens, hopefully it clears enough to give me some control in life, I don’t wanna stick on a programme as I want to achieve all goals so will switch programmes but will atleast run them for 6 months or until I feel the results r good enough and then come back to them as needed
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Today was nothing special, couldn’t get up and was extremely tired, even skipped the gym but this was on me coz I was getting my new device set up to play subs on set and forget, the chick from the gym saw me and even though I didn’t initially recognise her she opened me and spoke to me, I feel she is interested but she’s east European I’m guessing like Russian or smth so she’s kinda cold but still always opens me when sees me, I don’t know how to take this ahead, especially since she is married, she is fit af tho so I wanna bang her 
, but I don’t know what to do coz of my lack of experience, this other chick today I ran into twice and both times she opened me saying hi with some energy( this is just a guess I don’t remember it but from what I recall this was the case) other then that I really wanted to study but didn’t, even though I really need to coz I have a lot of deadlines coming up, even the mentorship programme I paid for I’m not really following it coz of fear,laziness and some other reasons that I’m not consciously aware of, I do think there is this one past experience that is really holding me back from pickup coz I don’t know how to let go of this particular experience coz around the time that happened I stopped approaching at all and lost interest in even viewing game products, @Fire @SaintSovereign can u tell me how to let go of a particular experience that is holding me back, other then this just generally feeling tired and lazy, noticed I’m really losing track on the physical body and have gained a lot of weight but can never get myself to commit to making food and sticking to a diet, to be fair I haven’t tried in a long time, guess I just need to consciously sit down and plan and do it but I can’t seem to have enough motivation which I conveniently use as an excuse 
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I just had a release in my sleep or atleast that’s what I think it is, I had a dream where this guy from my past school was troubling me and I tried to beat him up with the help of some other guy but he just ran away and was too fast and I couldn’t get him, then I went to sleep and the next day I got up and spoke to my mum and burst into tears coz I just wanted to get him back coz he bullies my brother but I wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to get him, in reality he and my brother had some trouble once and even then he wasn’t technically involved in it and was something really small and insignificant but I guess during that time I felt so weak and pathetic from inside that being an elder brother I couldn’t protect my younger brother and becoz of me this happened to him that it stuck to me ever since
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Actually I have such a fear myself coz ever since childhood my parents took away whatever money I got and I was always desperate for money coz I wanted to buy so many things but never had the money to buy them, even now I spend lots of money on bullshit and rarely end up with money saved which can be problematic for me in the future
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Today was an ok day, I decided to take a cold shower, initially was like no I’ll do it tomorrow etc, but out of nowhere had an inner voice that said “shut up, you know u won’t do it tomorrow” so I did it and it was like ice, I have done cold showers before but never with such cold water and it was really fuckin hard, never seen my dick and balls so shriveled 
. After that I went to play board games with a few people from an anime society and these were a bunch of incels and I felt super shit after seeing them coz some of their characteristics reminded me of them and they were just pathetic, guess it helps as motivation to change myself, other then that my sleep schedule has been really really messed up so I decided to use that as an excuse to clean my room, I’m not fully done with it but it’s pretty clean now compared to before where it looked like shit
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recently whenever its my gym day (basically monday, wednesday, friday) i have a pain on my calf but when i workout the pain doesnt come, is it a form of the subconscious doing something or is it injured, im gonna go check it out soon but i feel like its some form of subconscious signalling, maybe @SaintSovereign @Fire can help me out regarding this
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Interesting observations
My mind feels like it’s at a war, I just did something nice for someone and a part of my brain knew it was the right thing to do and hence made it happen but another part of my brain is resisting it sooooo much and desperately trying since when to come with any reason possible that makes it seem like I did it for some sort of agenda
Also when using superchargers my brain shocks me to get control and not fall into the trance state, will do anything possible to distract me, using thoughts, kinda opening my eyes and I don’t know how to stop this
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Today was interesting, I was sleep deprived so wasn’t functioning in my best state, had a horrible gym workout, and noticed barely any attention coz of my lack of sleep, sleep does really affect sub results, but I was really productive still got a lot done and so I’m happy about that
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just did the test for personality, didnt answer all questions as i wasnt sure about the answer but from what i did i got ISFP and for some reason that made me feel a little bad coz i wanted INTJ like everyone else was getting, but ill read into it more and see what it actually means
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Maybe you find this video about the ISFP useful. I find his descriptions of the MBTI types always quite good.
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Yesterday was ok, I still haven’t done my work, it’s like I’m losing motivation to study coz it seems sooooo useless and also I had this panic in my head regarding future choices which kept me up for like an hour and I was thinking about it a bit before also, this friend told me my hand was shaking a lot when we were playing a game even though I didn’t notice it at all
Today morning tho the chick I’m meeting this Friday double texted me to make sure I’m still meeting her but based on her way of speaking she is really keen but wants no burden and I’m not sure if I can handle the pressure I’m kinda worried but I’ll try my best
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Sounds like you need to focus on your WHY.
If studying seems useless, you need to help your brain understand why it is important to your goals. Connect the dots for your subconscious.
Also, evaluate if there are other reasons for your procrastination. For example, maybe you’re overwhelmed.
Then you can apply techniques to deal with those reasons.
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Today was an interesting day, I couldn’t complete my project even though it was due today, asked for a day extension tho so hopefully I finish it tomorrow, this chick I was supposed to meet said she’s calling friends over even though I asked her not to so I’m like fuck it flake which I directly thought of without even thinking for a second which was new and strange, I did try to convince myself not to but stuck to it, then she said no friends coming so I went coz a few other mentors said go even though I still wanted to flake, long story short there was a friend there who was a guy and had better game then me so nothing happened with me and I have a feeling he got laid coz I could see him gaming , other then that I went for an event where it was ok, I did have a lot more attention and was able to hold myself socially ok but nothing special, I did notice myself bragging a lot about how I’m cool and I flaked on a chick and showing off to everyone oh I’m pulling even though I actually didn’t so I guess that sucks and I need to stop looking for validation so much, also another problem was that I was really afraid doing physical escalation as I’m sure there is a barrier in my head regarding that which I need to solve coz of my social conditioning, hopefully it’s solved soon tho, also I need to get a game plan and use it rather then just hoping things will fall into my lap just coz of the subs
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Here’s a suggestion to make your posts more readable. A lot of people will see your non-stop blocks and not bother reading it. So, if you want more readership, break it up. You need PERIODS to mark your sentences (not commas). Capitalize the next sentence. And you need paragraphs between main thoughts.
Here’s your previous post in a more readable layout:
Today was an interesting day. I couldn’t complete my project even though it was due today, asked for a day extension tho so hopefully I finish it tomorrow. This chick I was supposed to meet said she’s calling friends over even though I asked her not to so I’m like fuck it flake which I directly thought of without even thinking for a second which was new and strange.
I did try to convince myself not to but stuck to it. Then she said no friends coming so I went coz a few other mentors said go even though I still wanted to flake. Long story short, there was a friend there who was a guy and had better game then me so nothing happened with me. I have a feeling he got laid coz I could see him gaming . Other then that I went for an event where it was ok.
I did have a lot more attention and was able to hold myself socially ok but nothing special. I did notice myself bragging a lot about how I’m cool and I flaked on a chick and showing off to everyone. Oh I’m pulling even though I actually didn’t so I guess that sucks and I need to stop looking for validation so much.
Also another problem was that I was really afraid doing physical escalation as I’m sure there is a barrier in my head regarding that which I need to solve coz of my social conditioning. Hopefully it’s solved soon tho. Also I need to get a game plan and use it rather then just hoping things will fall into my lap just coz of the subs.
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I agree with u @Kaprice and will try to do that more. anyways I have noticed a sudden decline in posting in the forums daily, most days I often just write the next day and by then I forget some important details sometimes that I thought I would mention, so I am thinking that I can try writing a weekly report of some sort. I feel it would help me asses my results properly by asking myself a range of questions that I can hold myself accountable towards and also not try to force out results by checking if I have changed every single day. it is still an idea tho coz currently I do like writing my thoughts and feelings into this journal, maybe I might continue this but offline so then I can add in more personal details and report back here weekly
I need suggestions as to how to structure my posts and what questions to ask myself, currently, I have come up with
- what action did I take this week
- what self-reflection did I do this week
- what changes do I notice
- how were my emotions and my mood throughout the week
- a small summary of what the week was like
- what did I learn that I can apply to improve my week and come closer to obtaining my goals
- my goals for next week
anything else I can add to this
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