Sounds like you answered your question yourself
You’re realizing that this guy is not good for you and are starting to understand what you like and want
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Thank you for helping me to clarify things. It should be obvious to me, but I feel so overwhelmed when it comes to that person.
It took me this long to see that I don’t want him at all, but it’s concrete now. I don’t even know how I feel about my discovery yesterday. I’ve been going to places that I have miserable going to for the last 3 months because this jerk deceived me into not going to the place that I really love to go to. He was so happy when I told him about the time when I go there. I knew there was something fishy about his reaction and now I know why. Then this morning, for him to send a bunch of negativity my way because he’s paranoid enough to think that I will tell his long term partner about what he has been doing just really killed any little bit of positivity that I had left for him. All the training in the world has kept him from seeing what I’m really like and that I would never do something so awful to anyone.
I’m glad that this attraction is dead and buried for good. Hopefully this will open up the paths to manifesting someone who will be good for me.
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I was feeling down, so I decided to run Heartsong. This is the second time that I felt sexual energy while running Heartsong. The last time this happened the sexual energy lasted 2 hours after the sub ended playing, so almost 3 hours altogether.
I don’t know what to think about this, but I’ll take this over feelings of loneliness and emptiness. Looks like I have been running Heartsong for 6 weeks.
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I realized this morning that the ex crush had been observing me for a long time to figure me out and to control my schedule since I met him. I didn’t even know that’s what he was doing. I thought that I was making these changes on my own to avoid him, but it was what he wanted me to do after I didn’t sleep with him. I don’t even know what to think about that realization. I feel numb and almost horrified. I can’t believe how much this one person affected my actions.
I am free of that now. I decided this morning to go wherever I want to go at whatever time I please. I’ll just try to park near the cameras.
Sexiness Unbound is working. I actually took my top off while running this morning. I wore a sports bra of course. lol
I am also proud of myself for not sleeping with him. It was very hard not to, but I knew that I shouldn’t… I felt as if he broke a part of me to get me to the point where I could. I think that if I had slept with him when I was that vulnerable that I would have spiraled down. No woman that has any self respect would have gone for him after the way that he treated me. I don’t know why he thought that he could treat me that way.
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Miss LRW, the Daredevil 
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What does LRW stand for? 
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Had an interesting day today. The morning started with those realizations of that guy’s cruelty. There were times when my traumas began to surface. He knew what he was doing. He wanted a “yes” answer, and he didn’t care what kind of emotional damage he put me through to get that answer. This isn’t something that I really want to write on a forum about, but I think that it’s important for me to write down these things so that I can look back later. At first I didn’t know how to feel about these realizations, but then I started to weep.
I went to another town and I noticed that I wasn’t thinking about him at all. He was forgotten. I had a really good time. I was approached by a really gorgeous guy who apparently, as I just found out recently, is just my type. Sad to say but he was of the same profession as the ex crush and I have sworn off guys in the same profession as the ex crush. I just never want to deal with this kind of stress again, so I just kept walking, completely ignoring him. I regretted it about half an hour later. That guy did not deserve that kind of treatment, and I missed out on talking to “my type”. I decided that if Heartsong brings me a guy in that profession then I will accept him. I’ll have to be really careful of course.
I came home happily, only to see that creep driving on my block. Who knows why he was driving by, but ugh, it really bothers me. If it was anybody else, I would at the very least been able to give them a disapproving look or a f* off attitude by now. The timing and everything, after things had turned around for me emotionally, there he was again, and 15 seconds from my house. I have zero trust in him. I felt more sadness. I’m wondering where all of these emotions are going to take me. Hopefully to healing?
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The Lovely Romantic Woman! 
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That’s so nice!
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I decided to take my workouts more seriously yesterday. I have a goal as far as weight loss goes. I don’t know how long this will take. I might get Emperor Fitness or something like that. Then again, I’m not sure I want to add more subs to my stack. I’ll see how it goes.
I felt really unattractive yesterday, but then all these guys liked me. I’m not bragging, it is what it is. What surprised me was that this really beautiful girl was jealous of me because her boyfriend liked me.
That ex crush I’ve been writing about used to seem really gorgeous and hot to me. That has changed, I keep seeing guys who are much better looking than him, everywhere. This might seem vain, but I’m so relieved that I’m seeing him from a different perspective as far as attractiveness goes. My friend thought that he was a 3 and homely looking, and didn’t understand what I saw in him. It’s as if all that pain I felt just a few days ago by the realizations about the way he has treated me brought this “growth” in the way that I view him physically.
Every weekend, I get bombarded with feelings of emptiness when I spend time with my partner. I ran Daredevil and I felt so much better. Daredevil is who I want to become, the female version of course. I want the results of Heartsong, but the healing has been quite painful to deal with lately. My life is really complicated. I want someone to love that will love me back. I’ve grown in that area also since I didn’t think I could meet someone who would love me before Heartsong, but I don’t expect anything less now.
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You are on the right path, though.
Everything works in cycles. And for new good people to come into your life, you need to let go of bad old people.
I.e. for good energy to enter, you need to let the bad energy go back to source.
Now, this doesn’t mean rush things. Your subconscious will tell you when it’s time to pull the trigger. Just telling you how things operate. Plus, you girls have a much better connection to the divine (also called “intuition” so you’ll feel when it’s right).
Keep going!
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I do too, all past lovers don’t matter if you I can’t have that one person. It is so exhausting and unsettling. A friend once told me that it will happen when we don’t expect it. I just hope it won’t take forever.
I realized lately that the reason why I am drawn to extreme sports is the same reason I want love, Both of them make me feel alive.
Just that baggage that prevents us …The only way through is through. Onward, inward, and upward.
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This is a recipe for disaster. Because then you have HUGE expectations of anyone you meet to bring you that love you desire.
Destined to fail from the get-go.
What you should do is focus on finding joy in other things. Creating your own life. Being fine with yourself. THEN, when someone enters your life they can bring their life into yours and vice versa. This way you both add to each other, as opposed to you being RELIANT on his/her love because it makes you feel alive.
Always be validated internally. By yourself. External validation is detrimental (and the thing on which our whole society is built currently (look at satisfaction and happiness stats, doesn’t work)).
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It’s not so much when you don’t expect it as when you stop obsessing on it so much that you’re in your own way.
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It’s interesting you say this. I noticed that as soon as I stopped liking that ex crush (a few days ago) that I began to have good feelings toward this different type of guy whom I hadn’t really appreciated before. Being attracted to that ex crush kept me from liking these other guys. Today I saw one of those types of guys, and I had seen this particular guy just a few weeks ago. He did nothing for me back then, he was just another guy. When I saw him today, it was as if I was seeing him for the first time and I realized how gorgeous he is. Not only that, but he is much better looking than that ex crush, yet I thought that he was just ordinary when I was attracted to the wrong guy.
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This is so true. It even comes to you when you let it go.
I haven’t seen the ex crush in 4 days and I can’t believe how happy I feel today. I haven’t gone to the place where I usually see him in two days, and I feel so free of him since that place reminds me of him, always lurking in the shadows somewhere. I even felt the emptiness after seeing that cute guy today, but it only lasted for a few seconds.
I heard a song on the radio for the first time last Friday. I heard it again today while listening to Heartsong on ultrasonic. This is hard to explain, but I felt as if I knew that song intimately. Not sexual, more like a close friendship. I have never felt anything like that with any other song.
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I went to another nearby town today. I had a nice time. I felt positive and energetic. I realized when I got home that there is something about my house that causes me to be negative. Drains me of my energy.
I went back out again and I felt so happy. I feel great going back to what is possibly my favorite place that I hadn’t been to in months since that xcrush lied to me to keep me from going back there again… I feel so alive again, my inspiration is coming back again. It’s the best that I’ve felt since I developed that odd and possibly sick attraction. I was laughing, smiling, this made me more attractive. A cute guy responded really well to this and came over to say hi. It didn’t go far though since my partner was there with me. I even felt great with my partner being there. Heartsong seems to be doing something positive or not so positive in this relationship, depending on how you look at it. What Heartsong is doing with my relationship with my partner will become more clear down the road.
Feels so good to be away from that xcrush. My perspective has changed as well. I decided this morning that I was going to focus on the positive when it cames to him. No more dwelling on the negative. This will prepare me to not be negative, but to be positive if I ever see him again. There will never be a physical relationship between he and I. I will not betray myself. Being positive with him will benefit him greatly socially anyway. Being away from him and all the negativity makes me feel stronger and helps me to see things more clearly. He will be very fortunate if this ever develops into a friendship. Friendship is terribly underrated.
I’m really loving West Coast by Imagine Dragons.
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I went out today and I felt good. Then when I got home. The feeling of emptiness hit me like a ton of bricks as soon as I entered my driveway. I wasn’t even inside the house.
I do see that I’m making progress, but I probably will see things so much clearer in a few months from now. I hate feeling empty, although I am aware that there is good in this feeling. I just want my subconscious mind to manifest someone soon. I know that I put myself in this position by just going with the flow, and by living my life by the standards that other people put on me, but I wasn’t even interested in meeting anybody else until recently.
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That is a great realization. I’ve realized something similar recently. Not only do I not want to be where I am, but I never did.
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