My Heartsong Seductress Daredevil drum beats

Journals - Major Programs
#52

I ran my physical shifting custom along with Love Bomb before going to the dermatologist. She had never complimented me so much before. She kept telling me that I am really gorgeous, and that I don’t need treatments that I was curious about. It was really nice to hear this from a dermatologist, but this derm is really gorgeous herself, so it was so nice to hear this from her. I know the Love Bomb worked, but I wonder if it’s possible that the physical shifting ultima caused her to think that I looked better than I normally do? I thought it was just supposed to produce physical shifting results.

I began to feel them emptiness and the loneliness again, but I remembered that this is good. I even ran Heartsong as a standalone and I felt happy while listening to it.

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#53

Had a really good day today. I feel like I am getting my life back on track from a problem that happened about three months ago. I feel more in control of my world now.

I like that I started listening to Libertine during that dark period of my life. A sub that I didn’t think I would ever play. I also got three great customs during this time. I went from subs like RICH and Renaissance Man to Seductress, Daredevil, Heartsong, Survival Instinct and Sex Mastery. I don’t mind the jumping around. It’s all growth one way or another.

The next two months are going to be interesting for me. I look forward to rereading my journal at the end of September.

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#54

It was finally the right time to let my LTR guy know that it’s ok with me if he wants to see other women. I explained how this level of honesty and setting of boundaries would make our LTR stronger. He said that he was devastated to hear that I would want this, and has continued with the jealousy these last few days.

As for Heartsong, I know that my LTR guy is not who Heartsong has in mind for me. He has even started to smell bad to me. I’ve known him since we were teens, and I can recall less than a handful of times that he ever smelled unpleasant.

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#55

Great observation. A very important one!

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#56

I found myself recalling an event with thousands of people I went to a few weeks ago. There was a guy there who connected with me. He stood at a distance across from me, and singled me out from the crowd. I could be wrong, but I didn’t see him connect with anybody else. I liked the way that he styles his hair and the way he dresses. He seemed like someone who is a lot of fun to be around.

I don’t know why but I remembered him today and I felt that emptiness. I felt like I was missing him, which doesn’t make any sense of course. I never even met him, but I think that it’s the qualities that I saw in him that I’ve always wanted in a guy, but I traded those qualities for what I thought was stability and safety that has now turned to emptiness.

I decided to run a loop of Heartsong. Maybe I will meet someone with those qualities.

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#57

This is the result of your subconscious mind “discovering” what it is you really want. If I had to guess – and I might be wrong – you’ve had a string of situations where you (possibly knowingly) chose the wrong person for romantic relationships because maybe you didn’t feel like you deserved better? Heartsong helps rectify this. It’s something I even dealt with in my younger years, when I would have multiple women pursuing me and I would choose the one that was “damaged” over someone more secure simply because I didn’t believe I was on the better choice’s “level.” Heartsong’s healing script is designed to help remove this.

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Main Disc. Thread - Heartsong ZP
#58

I must have a lot of healing to go through in this area. I can see it by looking back at the choices I made socially.

I’ve always looked at the positive to get through having to live with my partner, but I’ve even thought about suicide. Today I was thinking about a boy in high school who was like my dream guy. He had fun, he lived life to the fullest. He enjoyed the moment to the fullest. Then I dumped him for the Long term relationship I’m in now. I wondered what life could have been like with someone so full of positivity.

Thank you for helping me understand what Heartsong is doing with your thought provoking response @SaintSovereign

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#59

Both times I ran Libertine V3, my ltp told me that I have a naughty look in my eyes that says that I want to have sex. lol

I switched to the original version today.

When playing Heartsong about 6 hours after I ran Libertine, I felt sexual energy for the first time ever while running that sub. Then happiness, then sexual energy again.

What’s weird about finding myself missing that guy I saw about 4 weeks ago was that I didn’t even realize at that time that I was attracted to him. He was easy on the eyes and I really enjoyed all of his attention, but that’s all that there was to it for me. I didn’t think that I really had a type all this time. It took me this long to realize that he is my type. This is progress.

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#61

I keep running into that ex crush. I’m doing all I can to avoid him, but I keep on seeing him. I also keep driving on the road behind him. The odds of this happening are very slim considering that he and I both have to be on that road at the same exact time. This is really unusual, and he and I both get very uncomfortable. I change my schedule, only to see him in these places anyway.

This is causing me a lot of stress and it’s only making things worse between me and him. I realize that there must be some connection there, but there is nothing positive about continuing to see this person. I really don’t want to see him ever again. I just want to move on, but I can’t even be myself socially when he’s around. It looks like continuing to see him is causing me damage and preventing me from growing.

Any thoughts about why I keep seeing him?

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#62

Sounds like you answered your question yourself

You’re realizing that this guy is not good for you and are starting to understand what you like and want

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#63

Thank you for helping me to clarify things. It should be obvious to me, but I feel so overwhelmed when it comes to that person.

It took me this long to see that I don’t want him at all, but it’s concrete now. I don’t even know how I feel about my discovery yesterday. I’ve been going to places that I have miserable going to for the last 3 months because this jerk deceived me into not going to the place that I really love to go to. He was so happy when I told him about the time when I go there. I knew there was something fishy about his reaction and now I know why. Then this morning, for him to send a bunch of negativity my way because he’s paranoid enough to think that I will tell his long term partner about what he has been doing just really killed any little bit of positivity that I had left for him. All the training in the world has kept him from seeing what I’m really like and that I would never do something so awful to anyone.

I’m glad that this attraction is dead and buried for good. Hopefully this will open up the paths to manifesting someone who will be good for me.

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#64

I was feeling down, so I decided to run Heartsong. This is the second time that I felt sexual energy while running Heartsong. The last time this happened the sexual energy lasted 2 hours after the sub ended playing, so almost 3 hours altogether.

I don’t know what to think about this, but I’ll take this over feelings of loneliness and emptiness. Looks like I have been running Heartsong for 6 weeks.

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#65

I realized this morning that the ex crush had been observing me for a long time to figure me out and to control my schedule since I met him. I didn’t even know that’s what he was doing. I thought that I was making these changes on my own to avoid him, but it was what he wanted me to do after I didn’t sleep with him. I don’t even know what to think about that realization. I feel numb and almost horrified. I can’t believe how much this one person affected my actions.

I am free of that now. I decided this morning to go wherever I want to go at whatever time I please. I’ll just try to park near the cameras.

Sexiness Unbound is working. I actually took my top off while running this morning. I wore a sports bra of course. lol

I am also proud of myself for not sleeping with him. It was very hard not to, but I knew that I shouldn’t… I felt as if he broke a part of me to get me to the point where I could. I think that if I had slept with him when I was that vulnerable that I would have spiraled down. No woman that has any self respect would have gone for him after the way that he treated me. I don’t know why he thought that he could treat me that way.

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#66

Miss LRW, the Daredevil :woman_superhero:

:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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#67

What does LRW stand for? :slight_smile:

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#68

Had an interesting day today. The morning started with those realizations of that guy’s cruelty. There were times when my traumas began to surface. He knew what he was doing. He wanted a “yes” answer, and he didn’t care what kind of emotional damage he put me through to get that answer. This isn’t something that I really want to write on a forum about, but I think that it’s important for me to write down these things so that I can look back later. At first I didn’t know how to feel about these realizations, but then I started to weep.

I went to another town and I noticed that I wasn’t thinking about him at all. He was forgotten. I had a really good time. I was approached by a really gorgeous guy who apparently, as I just found out recently, is just my type. Sad to say but he was of the same profession as the ex crush and I have sworn off guys in the same profession as the ex crush. I just never want to deal with this kind of stress again, so I just kept walking, completely ignoring him. I regretted it about half an hour later. That guy did not deserve that kind of treatment, and I missed out on talking to “my type”. I decided that if Heartsong brings me a guy in that profession then I will accept him. I’ll have to be really careful of course.

I came home happily, only to see that creep driving on my block. Who knows why he was driving by, but ugh, it really bothers me. If it was anybody else, I would at the very least been able to give them a disapproving look or a f* off attitude by now. The timing and everything, after things had turned around for me emotionally, there he was again, and 15 seconds from my house. I have zero trust in him. I felt more sadness. I’m wondering where all of these emotions are going to take me. Hopefully to healing?

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#69

The Lovely Romantic Woman! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

:man_shrugging:t2:

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#70

That’s so nice!

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#71

I decided to take my workouts more seriously yesterday. I have a goal as far as weight loss goes. I don’t know how long this will take. I might get Emperor Fitness or something like that. Then again, I’m not sure I want to add more subs to my stack. I’ll see how it goes.

I felt really unattractive yesterday, but then all these guys liked me. I’m not bragging, it is what it is. What surprised me was that this really beautiful girl was jealous of me because her boyfriend liked me.

That ex crush I’ve been writing about used to seem really gorgeous and hot to me. That has changed, I keep seeing guys who are much better looking than him, everywhere. This might seem vain, but I’m so relieved that I’m seeing him from a different perspective as far as attractiveness goes. My friend thought that he was a 3 and homely looking, and didn’t understand what I saw in him. It’s as if all that pain I felt just a few days ago by the realizations about the way he has treated me brought this “growth” in the way that I view him physically.

Every weekend, I get bombarded with feelings of emptiness when I spend time with my partner. I ran Daredevil and I felt so much better. Daredevil is who I want to become, the female version of course. I want the results of Heartsong, but the healing has been quite painful to deal with lately. My life is really complicated. I want someone to love that will love me back. I’ve grown in that area also since I didn’t think I could meet someone who would love me before Heartsong, but I don’t expect anything less now.

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#72

You are on the right path, though.

Everything works in cycles. And for new good people to come into your life, you need to let go of bad old people.
I.e. for good energy to enter, you need to let the bad energy go back to source.

Now, this doesn’t mean rush things. Your subconscious will tell you when it’s time to pull the trigger. Just telling you how things operate. Plus, you girls have a much better connection to the divine (also called “intuition” so you’ll feel when it’s right).

Keep going!

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