Stage four definitely relieves my depression. Which is chill because I’ve always suffered from periods of feeling like I had a boat anchor attached to me.
I can’t figure something though. This stuff works. It works really well. Physical shifting works. There is a technology that people report helps depression symptoms.
I best I can tell talk therapy doesn’t work. People always tell others to go see a therapist.
I’m super suspicious of this.
I don’t much talk about my successes other that little stuff but I can’t be upset about progress at all. What a great last week or so.
I had a strange dream last night. I don’t watch football but a specific football player was bothering me. I was trying to lay on the couch and this guy really wanted to be friends. I thought about this for a while this morning and not getting it I put it into chat gpt.
Oh man this thing is insightful. I think it saw right through me. We chatted for a bit about this dream and here’s what we came up with.
This goal I’m perusing isn’t my goal. It s a society imposed goal. I both don’t care about it and am afraid of it. At the same time.
I think all of that is true. I think I’ve even written about that before. No I don’t think it’s stalking my journaling.
All of that is fine. It can not be my goal and that doesn’t have to stop me from doing it.
I still live in a material world. I have been cold before and I can tell you heat is an amazing remedy. A roof beats being stuck in a blizzard.
There’s a great scene in a movie called margin call where Jeremy irons explains to Kevin spacey what money really is. Pieces of paper with dead people on it so we can get something to eat without killing each other.
My goal, not my goal. Doesn’t matter to me. This is what is going to happen.
I need a new propulsion system. So thanks for the insight chat gpt.
So I spent a lot of time thinking about propulsion systems. I did some sleeping. I came up with an idea.
I tried the idea. It’s not fleshed out, it’s like step one. The energetic discomfort Eog brings forward in my knee is in my knee and my hip.
Like I’m preventing me from moving forward or something. Stupid homeostasis.
If you see someone limping around town clearly on the struggle bus wave or something.
I guess there is some evidence hip and knee pain has to do with fear of moving forward.
Mind body stuff you probably have to believe with all of the reports around this forum.
Feldenkrais?
If you google the connection between hip pain a psychological trauma you’ll find lots of stories of people crying after a session. Probably something to try tomorrow.
Feeling good. Taking stock of things.
Sometimes reading the goals of others is interesting. I used to be a fairly social person.
I live in the center of a big metro. I wouldn’t call my present anti social kick, which is going on a couple years bad. I do think it’s unusual.
Expanding your circle seems like a pretty common goal.
Maybe I was always meant to have a cat. Or an owl. An owl would be cool. Not a captive one but it can’t be that hard to attract them. Crazy owl guy lives over there.
My inner worlds are active, sometimes tumultuous. They take up a lot of my time. Especially when I manifest some crazy stuff. I think that’s ok. It’s comfortable.
I’ve played around with doing something more inline with my evolution. Might be an ok idea.
Just monitoring. Taking my temperature.
Welp, I kinda set myself up. I need to take action on something. I set up this situation to understand what’s holding me back.
I know this feeling. It’s anxiety and now it’s late afternoon. I’ve done most of the pre steps. But haven’t taken the plunge. I keep getting up to do it. But i experience physical symptoms and tell myself it’s on to sit down for a while. Just like seven times in a row.
So I was right about my Propulsion system being goofy.
Ok time to shower and go. Maybe I can brute force it.
Ok yes I can take a quick shower and almost fall down, and end up back laying down. It’s definitely my subconscious making shit up to try to keep me safe. Propulsion systems
I told myself to get over it. I was able to do what needed to be done. It’s amazing the lengths we will go to stop ourselves
In case anyone was curious you can make your ears ring playing mp3s with the volume off on an iPhone.
It’s probably not a good idea but it is possible.
That said my neurology feels crispy and I’m wicked tired.
I should order a pointy science hat for these experiments.
My religious beliefs do not take away from yours. I only express them here because this is truly magical.
When that book says he made us in his imagine and his likeness they were not kidding.
I’ve given myself a pretty wicked headache. I told myself on a deeper level my life gets better and better.
Idk why these processes use so much water but remember to drink.
None tangential add post.
I’ve sat down to relax for the holidays. Went out earlier and did some shopping for drinks and snacks. Not much left to do.
I’ve pulled up YouTube.
One of my favorite channels about firewood in New England has a new episode.
As boring as it might sound it’s a banger!
I’m watching this man split and stack his cook wood.
I’m thinking apple trees don’t grow that fast.
I’m wondering if you could make a subliminal to encourage your apple trees to grow fast to have enough wood to cook with.
I think the answer is it depends on how you think the process works. Is the magic in your brain or is the whole system information and influence.
I’m further noticing I have nothing but concrete in front of my house and my back is not useable either.
Any mad scientist out there? I think that’s the question I just spent the last few years trying to solve.
Don’t ask Gemini, it’s answer goes real fast from no to there is some evidence.
I feel asleep early today and had a horrific nightmare. I was shopping for a place in a place I will not live.
Look subconscious. I’ve tried gentle persuasion.
If you keep this up it will get intense.
I will not live in that area. I will not do it. No. No. No.
Man the subconscious is tricky. Maybe it’s time for “ no half measures”
Ok so
I do keep the successes I have somewhat close to my chest. I should figure out why.
Idk how Eog and rich work but I woke up today to a voicemail.
Typing out what happened is making anxiety in the pit of my stomach but it was very good. Very good indeed.
Merry Christmas to me.
What a delightful sighting.
Having run out of supplies and it not being awful out I just walked over to the Main Street in my city.
A few days ago I was brainstorming ideas, and sometimes being the trickster archetype I imagined an absurd service.
Like Monty python level silly.
I stopped to cross the road so I didn’t get flat. As I was waiting I looked at the pole.
There right eye level was a sign advertising something similar. I’m assuming to collect valid phone numbers. Make it silly, make it viral.
The deranged shit I image often shows up.
This is weird. I’m working on my self concept stuff thinking that will help my progress. If I redefine life as comfortable I project I’ll have more pleasant experiences.
When I do this my mind races through stuff. I always blame myself when I do.
But as I dig into it I’m not finding I made the wrong choices. Sometimes situations are just shitty.
Maybe my self concept needs deeper revision.
Oh and has anyone watched home alone through a Neville lense. Dreams, they do weird things sometimes. Dreams.
I had a realization about something that used to trigger me.
It would not be popular with most people and I don’t want angry people shouting it down so I’m not going to write it out.
What I will say is I need to be mindful I’m not projecting my preferences onto other people.
I know sometimes sub club is anti multiple modalities. That said I was doing some tapping. I have no idea what I’m doing but I feel like energy, whatever that is is flowing after having been stuck.
Personally it’s really interesting to experience this.
Tapping under the eyes was super impactful.
Tapping is good with SC I think