Simple response
- Sorry to hear your struggle, it sounds like your being brutal on your self for not achieving the result you want/being where you want to be. It may seem trite- but how you do the journey matters just as much, so hopefully you can find some enjoyment in your struggle.
Esoteric answer
- Your talking about Sisyphus bro!!–check this out-
Camus
“All Sisyphus’ silent joy is contained therein. His fate belongs to him. His rock is a thing
Likewise, the absurd man, when he contemplates his torment, silences all the idols. In the universe
suddenly restored to its silence, the myriad wondering little voices of the earth rise up. Unconscious,
secret calls, invitations from all the faces, they are the necessary reverse and price of victory. There is no
sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night. The absurd man says yes and his efforts will
henceforth be unceasing. If there is a personal fate, there is no higher destiny, or at least there is, but one
which he concludes is inevitable and despicable. For the rest, he knows himself to be the master of his
days. At that subtle moment when man glances backward over his life, Sisyphus returning toward his
rock, in that slight pivoting he contemplates that series of unrelated actions which become his fate,
created by him, combined under his memory’s eye and soon sealed by his death. Thus, convinced of the
wholly human origin of all that is human, a blind man eager to see who knows that the night has no end,
he is still on the go. The rock is still rolling.
I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one’s burden again. But Sisyphus
teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This
universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each
mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights
is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”
At least your gonna be jacked
for 
welldone
