Currently I am listening to paragon complete. Hopefully it helps with physical reasons for my stress level. I took a day off work to relax. Watching an episode of lucifer. I can see the cheapness of the writing sometimes. I am no longer immersed in the experience to forget how silly it is.
In the morning I listened to Khan stage 1 and the QV2 custom.
Practicing gratefulness and smiling more.
I think my status is high and people look down respectfully. I was just interpreting it as rejection.
Now I am trying to look more friendly and less serious. Implementing ideas from The Secret to attract a better reality.
Edit: remembering a line from the Khan sales page:
and you will likely become a polarizing individual â some will love you, some will hate you, but all will respect you.
I think this is already happening. Hatred vs. Love isnât something I can choose.
Thinking about how long to stay on Stage 1. itâs day 31 of pure listening days. I planned to do 90 days but maybe at one point Stage 2 is interesting. On the other hand feeling disliked could need some more healing.
Did some feldenkrais, neti neti and awareness exercises. Now I feel relaxed and also look less distressed in the mirror. Noise in the head is gone.
Remember to look back on your journal from now until 1 week ago and thank yourself for your progress.
I am becoming more controversial. Some people seem fascinated, others are looking at me like I killed someone or something like that, furious and aggressive. Happened with some neighbors, I know they would greet me back if I greet them, but I am no longer greeting them. I think there is a cleansing of Nice guy behavior. Getting rid of the idea that I have to be liked by everyone or please everyone. Itâs a hardcore lesson because itâs so direct, but I can handle it.
Good advice. Always need to look back on my past entries to see who I was before.
Have you seen this happening first hand? Are you getting challenged or seeing aggressive behaviors from others?
No, not challenged but people looking angry like they are holding back aggression towards me. And people being unfriendly but complying.
Being challenged in an obvious way didnât happened yet. I already had that in my first run of Khan stage 1.
I wouldnât say tested I would say that that part of you needs to be changed or that aspects needs to be addressed to become dominant.
Oh, I was talking about a family member that used to âtestâ me (in an endearing way) quite a bit back then, but then stopped when I was on EQ.
I took notice of the jab the other day, and itâs been a while since that happened. Iâm not bothered, the person means a lot to me and itâs in good fun, I have my moments too, but itâs an interesting change since EQ.
Granted I was only running Khan ST1 when this interaction happened. Could be a coincidence but I take note of these things when I change subs.
I am probably a bit incongruent. My funny attitude doesnât fit with the Khan aura.
When I made jokes with an acquaintance she called me out about it. I did have come backs, but I think itâs a sign, that it is incongruent. I have to become more serious.
I would see that as standing up to them. You free to make a joke as you please. The other person must accept it. If the joke was an insult or derogatory then yes itâs a problem.
I have an idea of what you mean. When Iâm hanging out with friends and I try to make jokes, it feels awkward a lot of times.
I enjoy the respect I get with Khan. A moment ago I walked in the street and there was a family using the full space before me. A few meters before I would have to say something, the first sensed my aura and turned back. Then they made enough space for me to walk by - like 3-4 times of my actual width.
Coming from a traumatic childhood with extreme disrespect I can enjoy that now. I am finally treated like I would treat other people in the past. Itâs sad that not all people are treated with this kind of respect, but thatâs reality in the anonymous city.
Day 32 of Khan stage 1. I can only imagine how the total reprogramming of stage 2 will treat me. Which levels of respect I will reach.
Thinking about being more honest because people seem to take what I say at face value. Being ironic or sarcastic can easily be misunderstood.
I can see now that how people look does not necessarily have something to do with me. Itâs just their (male) resting bitch face or face mask. Most people are unaware of what is going on with them and in social situations in general. I wouldnât exclude me completely, because I know better, but I guess I have a large advantage of being a few percent more aware.
Cant wait to get back to khan next year
I now finish the day with one loop of Commander Ultima V2. Had totally forgotten about that sub and the predecessor supercharger.
One loop before bed time and one in the morning.
Have to say command is one of those sub thatâs really nice, where you do overthink damn it good
Commander effects are noticeable. People show more respect and are compliant. I went to the post office today and was treated very kindly. I have some language patterns I use when I need help. Something like âCan you help me with that?â - it speaks to the part of the person that wants to be helpful.
Language is interesting, itâs not only about the choosing of words but also about how you say it. I didnât really learn persuasive language formally, although I studied a lot of hypnosis in my younger years on my own. Itâs just something I notice especially with the post office which has many reviews of being not helpful at all. Maybe it also sets the intention or frames the conversation, when I start with this sentence. I frame myself as someone who needs help and the other person as someone who is capable of helping me.
Maybe I should start a refresher on language patterns like that.
I am also interested in Non-violent communication as I have heard a lot of good stuff about it. A friend uses it to find solutions to her inter-personal conflicts. I havenât read anything about it myself and only know a bit about it.
Communication starts to interest me as it is very valuable. Sub-communication, language, voice, eye contact, body language, breathing etc.
Yesterday I wrote in my private diary that I may need new friends because I have changed with Khan and some friends seem to no longer be interesting to me. On the other hand, some friends I disliked in the past are very valuable to me now because they can accept me as I am. Itâs interesting to see who is who in an inner circle. Some people dislike change, some people enjoy see me growing.
I am also stating my opinion more often and that creates conflict or compliance. It depends on the fluidity of the person. Some people cannot accept new or different ideas. I donât have to keep them in my inner circle as I think that the person who is at least needy controls the social situation. It is powerful when you can just walk away. Some people will be gone for good, others will come back later.
This seems more likely to happen when my energy level is low. A few days off of subs might help.