Damn. I killed AudioShare. The app went crazy when I loaded another file into it.
I deleted it with my complete library and reinstalled it but it didn’t help.
It’s no longer playing files.
Now I have to use VLC again. What a sad day in the life of Matt the sub user.
Edit: Restarting the phone again helped . It’s playing again. Hooray!
Sadly I lost some other files I hope I have backups of somewhere on a hard drive.
Someone flaked on me today. She said she has a cold. I wished her to get well.
It doesn’t bother me much. In the past, I would have become defensive, but now it’s different.
A little annoyance, note-worthy in this journal. 
I’ve read the book of David X in the past few days. Want to live by his two rules (Who cares what she thinks, I am the most important person in my relationships). Learned a bit about leading women and how to be honest.
Today it’s raining, and I am working at my day job. Probably will go outside later with friends or alone.
I listened to Khan Stage 1, my custom and Commander today. Now I am adding in Inner Circle.
One loop each, and then I am done for today.
Two rest days starting today. I am tired and having a headache. Beginning to release the identification with that story now. Sadly I still have to recover my releasing program after I deleted all files in audio share. So I am trying to do the exercises from memory.
How about taking a rest day mid week? Maybe Wednesday?
Good idea, I will do a rest day tomorrow, just for testing it.
Today I have seen a woman I found attractive, she looked at me from a distance. Then turned around and brushed her hair. I got nervous when I came nearer to her. She was looking at me again. Then she walked away and I could see her from behind and at one point she went over a stop light and when I reached it, she was away. I should care less, but that will come again.
My state/confidence is not as good as it has been in the mid of this journey. I am tired a lot and lack energy.
Thinking about switching to Khan stage 2 sooner then planned. Today is day 50 and I feel like I could profit from Stage 2. Maybe 10 days and I will switch
Today I am ill, so I am listening to paragon to get better. Rest day only from the standard stack.
Today I slept a lot, but the illness left.
I have the idea to reduce the loops to one loop a day until my sleep gets better again. Today I just listened to one loop of Khan.
Some random dude asked me for a cigarette. I said no and just went my way. A few months ago I just would have given a cigarette to not get in trouble. This time I had the package in my hands and said no without getting any comeback.
I saw a woman with her boyfriend, she looked interested, I looked her boyfriend in the eyes and he looked down, looked back at her and she still looked at me.
I see women interested all the time nowadays and men look down or respectful.
I am happy with the current state and am curious what will happen when I get to stage 2.
I practice not caring about having it my way. And as I don’t care the sub does the rest and it’s the new normal for me.
In two weeks I will be allowed to go to outside events again without testing. I hope this will help me to connect better, because cold approaching is not on my menu yet. In the past I have been approached at events, but was to absorbed in negative thinking to take advantage of it.
I am realising that I am somehow still the same me, but now a sex worthy guy. I feel more masculine then in the past. Having been in an asexual aura for a few years, this is new for me.
Remembering David X book now, I will read it again to get more into his frame. Also still enjoy Brent smith’s material. David X has only little overlap with Brent. In a few interviews he spoke about visualisation and seeing what you want before you go to sleep. Brent is all about being it, inner game first. To be the person who takes the action. When I was using a mixture of Brent and David X game on a past female friend, she was first reacting well, but then flaked on coming to my place. I was thinking that she maybe needed more comfort. But who cares what she thinks. The one who cares the less about a relationship controls the relationship. So I let her go and see the abundance of women out there.
I knew one guy who was a bit like David X. He was honest and made strong eye contact which let ladies react with iois. I met him once in a bar with a woman 30 years younger then him and he was about to go to his place with her, just talking a bit to build comfort. I thought about interviewing him and selling his knowledge to interested Puas, but the last time I saw him he didn’t recognise me and looked down after I held eye contact with him for a while. That was during the beginning of Khan stage 1.
So I journaled quite a while now. All the journaling and theorising doesn’t help until I take action. I have to see that I know enough now and have to start taking action, maybe getting rejected and fail. But this is the only way I can get from book smart to street smart.
Now I can’t sleep. It’s nearly 4 am.
I will take a rest day today.
Just read about what others are doing with QV2 loops. Beginning to listen less from now on to experiment.
Thinking in on days for my goals could also change. Off days seem to be more important.
I plan another week or two on Khan Stage 1 including processing days. If that means that I only have 54-57 active listening days in the end doesn’t matter. Taking a rest day every second day will be okay I hope.
Then there is the QV2 PS custom. This one I will be using sporadically after getting accustomed to stage 2.
Now I will see if I can get some sleep.
This is going to be another Khan Stage 1 listening day.
I woke up early this morning, feeling refreshed. Sleep is getting better.
Feeling happy about it.
Going to do my morning rituals now and then begin working.
Started using Brent Smiths ideas to implement a positive mindset two days ago. I am curious how it will develop after a few days, weeks, months.
This will be day 53/60 active listening days of Khan Stage 1. And this is the last week of Stage 1 for me. I will start Stage two by the beginning of next week. It’s the first time I use Stage 2, so I am excited.
Today I was outside smoking a cigarette on the other side of the road a woman was also smoking a cigarette. She was looking at me. Probably “checking me out” to see how I react when she looks at me. That’s just my theory. That this is some kind of test. I got nervous after a while and didn’t know how to react, looked away. I now think I know better behavior. Looking at her, too, until she looks away. Getting uncomfortable when attractive women show interest is still a problem I sometimes have.
When I realized what was happening, I suddenly felt better. Could have to do with the release of tension.
I am training myself to not lose state when someone is looking unhappy or in another kind of bad emotion. My compassion or mirror neurons seem to let my feel a bit worse when I look at those kind of people. But these are only explanations. I guess it is more like a belief “I can only feel happy when others feel happy, too”… so I go into awareness when that happens and still feel good. This is probably the first step to inspire others to feel happy to in my presence. To be the source, the emotional leader.
Another step would be to have a belief like “I am the source of good feelings for people”. Pity doesn’t help anyone.
That’s awesome dude! 53 days. I commend you on your discipline.
Thank you, Gilligan!
I try to see what I got from Stage 1 so far:
Okay, I don’t know how much of it is from Khan Stage 1, but probably a lot. And the self development I did during the past weeks was probably also fueled by Khan. The other healing subs were probably also part of this.
Matt, I’m on day 23 of Khan st. 1. Most of what you said above has given me motivation to finish 60 days of listening to Khan st. one. Already, I’m beginning to be more confident. I’m Not quite there, but I can feel the changes happening to me. I really do appreciate your uplifting words. Take care!
What kind of state are you wanting to maintain?
There are some countries where this might be construed as fostering a hostile work environment, which could be illegal.
Good job on your persistence with Khan!
PCC will help in this situation.
Khan can take care of the “don’t fuck with me” vibe whist PCC will increase your outer social dynamic knowledge. Think of it like judo: he attacks, you use his own energy against him to your advantage.
I love the idea of adding PCC at one point. It is a really interesting title for me as I enjoyed Robert Greenes books a lot. I will look into my records of past usage. Maybe that could be my stack in the future.
I like to maintain my own state without influence by random people who look at me with angry or sad faces.
I know that it’s not okay what my boss is doing. But it doesn’t bother me at the moment. I don’t see him very often as I am mostly working remotely. But if it continues I have to talk to him about his behaviour. I did it in the past and it got better after that. If it’s illegal in this Country I don’t know if that would help. I think it wouldn’t help my work situation if I would go to court or something like that.
Today is a processing day. I woke up after 5-6 hours of sleep. I am awake for 11 hours now and still feel good, just a bit tired.
I will start Stage 2 of Khan soon.
I can’t wait for this stage. It sounds intriguing. Time to grab my sword and take action.
Watch em honeys come your way 