Boredom… thinking about listening to a Ultima title like sanguine to feel better.
Accepting the boredom is the first step to change it.
Boredom is not a bad emotion, there are no bad emotions, just judgements.
Reminding myself of that makes it more bearable.
Then it is just some sensation in the body.
The real thing seems to be the mind telling me that something is wrong with that sensation. And there is a need to fix it, to find a solution.
Letting go of that now.
Do you have a pathway to manifesting this?
Have you studied any media on relationships or dating or pickup?
Yes, I have studied a lot. The study alone is not the problem 
It’s more the taking action part.
But thanks for mentioning it, I am listening to a “theory” course again now.
Pathways are limited because I don’t hang out with my crowd anymore because of COVID-19.
So, there would only be a cold approach possibility in public settings.
What else?
I am currently trying to spend less time on the forum. Still listening to Khan Stage 1 (69 days left) and my QV2 custom.
I also started journaling privately with longer entries again.
The high phase of which I suspected it could be a hypo manic phase is over. Now I need to get accustomed to feeling meh. Could be that I just need more rest now. Oversleeping still is not happening, but I am less motivated without Executive Uv2.
So knowledge is not the problem. If you feel comfortable, could you list the programs you’ve completed?
Where could you go to walk up to women and talk with them… I mean cold approaches?
Currently I am doing Masculine Polarity by Swinggcat.
I like that it’s based partly on Radical Honesty and when I was young I started out with his book Real World seduction.
I also listen to Brent smith’s stuff sometimes.
I have to admit that the other programs I did were many years ago. One thing I remember was taking a coaching session from the late David X.
Also one from Hypnotica from the game.
The latter was really powerful. His way of choosing words motivated me for weeks or months.
I probably need a refresher.
So taking action plus reading/listening to programs could be a good strategy right now.
Masculine polarity has some action steps I could take.
Also I might think about doing some kind boot camp program again. Like Demonic Confidence or that really old Don Juan boot camp.
In the past when I did some social confidence exercises something changed about me. People were asking me for directions etc. My micro body language became that of an approachable guy.
At the moment I feel grumpy outside. That’s not a good vibe.
Where to do cold approaches ? In parks, on the street, maybe in the super market.
I feel like I have to make the decision to take my dating life seriously and begin taking action.
At the moment I don’t feel like it. I need to push through.
It could help to marinate in the topic again.
PS: Today I posted a comment because I noticed that I was offended by a behaviour from someone on the forum. I don’t know if that was progress (stating my opinion) or reconciliation (thin skin, caring too much).
Okay here is some input:
Thanks for your recommendations.
If I need new material at one point I will look into it.
It reminded me of a practical course for dating confidence, I just have to get access to it again.
I hang out on the forum while listening to Khan - Stage 1.
I want to see some posts with humor and humility.
That’s an epiphany I just had.
I don’t want to be triggered to post things I later feel sorry for.
I like your style @RVconsultant. It seems calming and rational to me. Good job as forum moderator!
Thank you!
Are you concerned you might post things you might want to delete later?
What are you concerned you might do or say?
Also being aware of this, I think is showing insight about the effects Khan can have.
Posting posts with a superiority complex vibe. Being a bully. I don’t like bullies, but I can’t deny that I have the potential to be one.
For example, last week I critiqued a friend on a video he posted on YouTube. The critique was totally intellectual about the way he uses language, and we had a fight. We did reconnect since then, but I have a part in me that only sees the negative and when this part is active, it destroys.
I am happy that I fought with my friend because I learned a lot about my behavior through that conversation. I noticed what the heck I am doing when I am on auto-pilot.
And I am on auto-pilot 99% of the time. Just different auto-pilots running the show from moment to moment.
I understand and I think this demonstrates a laudable level of insight and introspection on your part.
What is your currently listening schedule right now?
3 loops of Khan stage 1 ( day 22/90)
2 loops of QV2 subliminal (secret ingredients, but focused on attraction, love and a bit of healing)
5 days a week, weekend rest days
Experimenting with less loops could interesting. I still have this “more means more” paradigm in my head.
Comfort
I am at the moment feeling comfortable with my life. Happy. There is no feeling of lack.
Just noticed it.
But somehow I still think I need a intimate relationship. Social or biological programming?
I let go of the idea that a relationship would fix anything. There is nothing to be fixed.
I still would be some kind of bonus. A nice to have but not needed.
Self help marketers brainwashed me with ideas of getting out of your comfort zone and buying their products.
And I don’t have forgotten that this journey still brought me to this insight.
Nothing bad about the marketers, it was myself that felt lacking.
This feeling will pass. Just enjoying the moment now.
Just writing it down for a future self who could feel the lack again.
Hello Futureself,
you are enough.
Reminded me of a time when I told a therapist that I am building up sexual energy to attract women and he asked me “Why? Don’t you feel good enough as you are?”
It didn’t register then. I hope it registers now.
Your therapist has a way of cutting to the chase.
Absolutely, he was the first male therapist who was not too much limited by his beliefs.
I have the feeling when you are ready, the right therapist/teacher appears.
–
Today I started with LEU v2 and worked fast on some problems at work.
Now I am listening to my QV2 custom. Probably just one loop for today, later Khan Stage 1 for 2-3 loops.
Listening to the 2nd loop of Khan Stage 1 - day 23/90.
Today I noticed that most men who seem to have Alpha status, lose it in my presence. I call them fake Alphas. Some men are still acting normal. These I call authentic Alphas. I live in a neighborhood with migration background from countries in which men are still men.
I am asking myself if I am too intense, but don’t see an alternative right now. I tried smiling more, but it’s not congruent with my current state.
It’s not so relevant, just something I noticed. I don’t really like these Status games right now. Like who looks away first… I just want to be able to look wherever I want without restrictions by social games.
Ok, first loop of the long awaited Khan Stage 1 QV2. Will use that one for the upcoming 67 days of Stage 1.
Horrible healing night mare.
The protagonist is being physically and psychologically abused. Later he takes revenge on the sadistic family. Then he gets back into scenes of abuse. He believes to watch a horror movie and he has been put under lsd. Then he meets the doctor who did the healing and he tells him he got healed from a terrible illness by simulating the abuse and he can have back his brain again. They go into a cathedral were the brain is in a hole in the earth. Then the trippy horror continues.
I wake up at 4:44 and try to remember details of the dream but at the same time I want to forget the experience.
I hope this was somehow healing and worth it
Nietzsche: What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.