focus on the goals; not the subs
focus on the goals; not the subs
focus on the goals; not the subs
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focus on managing your life; not on the subs
that’s what makes them work.
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For me, the number one sign of problematic RECON is that I’m not able and/or not motivated to take timely appropriate actions in my life.
With particularly intense recon, I may not even want to THINK about what’s needed in my actual life on a practical, grounded level.
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I"m noticing a gentle trend in the direction of facing and testing my fears.
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An untested fear is just experienced as a reality.
But for some of them if you dare to reach out your hand and risk touching them, your hand passes right through.
And that’s how you find out, ‘that one wasn’t real’.
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I put certain things off a lot.
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I’m thinking right now that the key is to just recognize and accept this; rather than trying to handle everything that I’ve put off in some kind of dramatic gesture. I’ve done that before, and it just sets things up for that to be repeated again.
Walk through change with open-eyes and balance. Not doing the game-show dash through change right now.
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Tonight, I’m finally starting to take care of a work-project that has been dragging, and that has had me dragging my feet. Once this one is done then I can get to another project that matters to me more, and that may have a bit more relevance to my bigger-picture goals.
But that first project has been sitting there like a stop-gap.
Slowing down and allowing myself to be myself seems to be allowing me to get through it faster than just butting my head into the wall over and over again.
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Especially earlier in life, it’s conventional to assign your value and your worth as a human being based on how well you perform on certain socially and culturally defined tasks.
Later in life, this may possibly come to seem like one of the biggest cons you could possibly have fallen for.
And yet, perhaps it is a vital and unavoidable stage. A necessary one.
It’s the cultural paradox:
All particular values and structures are arbitrary. Yet, having a structure is not arbitrary, but rather foundational to survival and necessary for thriving.
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Look.
Don’t just think or believe.
really look.
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When I was on RoM and RoS I faced the same thing, facing and testing our fears makes us understand a lot about ourselves, taking initiative and overcoming them (being more in control of reality and emotions) is how we test ourselves.
And when you discover that it’s not real, you start seeing everything with different eyes, and it’s a priceless emotion
I love your diary and how you write, keep it up mate 
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I expect my POOLS Black custom to arrive tomorrow. But I will wait until Saturday to resume listening. These processing days seem to have been quite necessary. I still have a restless urgency about playing the next loop, and it feels appropriate to channel that into my daily activities rather than into my subliminal listening. So that’s what we’re doing.
But once Saturday comes…prepare for take-off!
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Lol I feel like a huge pendulum with this statement. I don’t know which sub it is in my stack but I’m able to see more nuance in things. I was very upset for a while about being conned.
Those socially and culturally defined tasks were important, but I guess some of us didn’t get the memo that those tasks also weren’t the center of the universe as far as importance goes.
It’s just always amazing how a tiny bit exaggerated importance of something can set your life on a completely different direction. Like minor adjustments on the sail of a ship.
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Two more days of washout after today.
I’m feeling this interesting ‘sobriety’.
Just finished two work meetings. Two more in the afternoon.
Time to get a little lunch beforehand.
The capacity to look at your life and your circumstances with a sense of perspective, possibility, creative empowerment, and groundedness. It’s a strange thing.
Let’s keep it going.
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Mr. Hiram Fucking Bullock on that guitar solo.
And Branford Marsalis brings it sweetly home on the soprano sax.
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Played one loop (full 15 minutes) of PHENOMENAUT: Genesis (Standard ZPv2) last Tuesday 15 August. Up until today 24 August my meditations are still coasting along on an enhanced energy and smoothness.
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Custom number 2 of two just arrived.
Right on time.
As planned, I’ll resume listening tomorrow, Saturday 26 August.
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Kind of interesting, but I’ll keep this brief:
Yesterday, I went to a work-related gathering/team-building activity. And it was basically fine. I even genuinely enjoyed parts of it. If you were inside my head you’d know that those represented pretty great results.
A weird thing that I only noticed afterwards:
At one point there was this one kind of creative, collaborative task. I went along with it but was not really into it. The others in my small group were funny and entertaining. It was fine. Anyway, as part of this task they were coming up with funny names or roles for each of us; and they insisted on calling me ‘Emperor [my name]’.
Only later did it occur to me how funny that is considering that I ran Emperor (as part of my custom sub) from August 2022 to August 2023.
So, those.
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