I have no idea what’s going on with me right now, developmentally.
I’m hoping for a lot.
And dealing with some things.
In between those, I’ll just keep walking.
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Something that I’m thinking about:
Over the years, I became accustomed to thinking and experiencing in ways that seemed to be quite different to many people around me.
I made do and adapted to this as best I could. Gradually managed to have a career of some sort. But there has usually been a feeling of playing in games that did not matter to me.
I’ve already done the whole angst thing around such experiences and issues. And I’ve more or less drank my fill of that. It was what it was, It is what it is, and at the end of it all, I’m grateful to have this chance to live a life.
But the part that I’m thinking about it is a bit more prosaic.
This morning, unusually, I met up with a colleague and had brunch. We’d tried for 3 weeks and today was the charm. I don’t usually sit and just chat with colleagues. I am a cultural, ethnic, and linguistic minority in my work setting. So that takes a little more effort, and involves a bit more awkwardness.
But I’ve got a new colleague who is both a) friendly and b) situated a bit closer to me on the language and culture continuum. We sat and talked about work and life for some time, and then got up to continue about our days.
And I observe that this activity, not generic chatting, but sharing one’s views and identity, is important to exercise. And I noticed that I have not been exercising it that much. It’s a neglected aspect of my life. Easily neglected because I’m so comfortably introverted.
The point is I think this observation and the situation/conversation that inspired this observation are results. They fit with my subliminals.
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With some small qualifications, the stack I am currently using is basically my Destination Stack.
For the first few years here at Sub Club, my stack was frequently taking me ‘somewhere else’.
Starting late last year, and then more and more so this year, the focus has been shifting from the future to ‘right now’.
I’m sure there may be changes and adjustments to my customs as the tech changes and as new amazing modules are created, but basically, what I’m running now could really be played indefinitely.
The qualifications:
-
Revelation of Body
Once this program is released, I expect it to replace Revelation of Dreams in my POOLS Black custom. -
Khan Black
I’m currently still on Khan Black stage 2. I’ve been on it since 26 August 2023. I’m thinking I may stay on Khan Black stage 2 until November when I expect Revelation of Body will be released. Then I’ll rebuild POOLS Black with KB3 and Revelation of Body. Finally, after a few months with that, I’ll rebuild POOLS Black with Khan Black Complete (KB4). And hopefully, we’ll run that indefinitely.
So there will be some slight changes to POOLS Black. But the program itself will hopefully stay as an important Healing and Energy component of my stack for a long time to come.
Then there’s
- New Wealth Experience
I have a dedicated wealth-building custom, PATHS of Wealth, which I have not played since April 2023. In my life, I feel that inner development and inner growth are the foundation of whatever else I’ll be doing. So I’ve prioritized PHENOMENAUT over PATHS. I want to do that inner building to a certain point and then bring in wealth development. My minimum criterion is that I want to be willing and focused to carry out some kinds of creative and business projects. So, that’s one of the ‘goals’ to which my inner development is working. And as that happens more, I’ll bring more Wealth initiatives online.
But the other reason is: the New Wealth Experience. For now, it’s Nouveau R.I.C.H. So far it’s the only program with the New Wealth Experience. And so that’s what I’m running. But once the NWE gets generalized to all programs and Q-store modules, I’ll do the $50 rebuild of my PATHS custom, andI think I’ll replace Nouveau R.I.C.H. with PATHS of Wealth.
That’s the other planned change.
They’re all pretty small changes. Or just very natural ones (in the case of progressing through Khan Black).
So, the stack I’m running is basically:
- Inner Foundation and Inner Development Program
- Health and Energy Program
- Wealth Development Program
That seems to cover the main areas.
And the programs that will step up to fill those roles are:
- PHENOMENAUT Genesis
- POOLS Black
- PATHS of Wealth
As they move into their stable, somewhat final forms and iterations, I will plan to play them for a longer time.
Can’t really tell the future here at Sub Club (which I love) but this stack (in some iteration) will probably stay in effect for some time to come.
At some point in the future, I’ll want to re-run Dragon Reborn and also Heartsong. And give some attention to the growth of the heartspace.
I have a beautiful custom, built two years ago, called DRAKARI Transcend.
Here are its modules:
DRAKARI Transcend
Dragon Reborn Complete
CHOSEN
Divine Self-Image (No! Not Bovine Self-Image!)
All-Seeing
Faith Unyielding
Virtue Series: Hope
Virtue Series: Temperance
Joie de Vivre
Emotions Unfettered
New Beginnings
The Flow
Sanctuary
Foundation
The Boundary
Fearsome
Eye of the Storm
FEBRUUS
Pragya
Pride Unbroken
Vortexdive Crucible
If I were to rebuild this, I think I might replace CHOSEN with HERO Origins and if possible add Heartsong. That would be a perfect heart healing situation for me.
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I did not have the best tools for handling sexuality as a youngun’
The form of Christianity in which I was raised seemed to divide the sexual options between two:
- Sexual Repression
- Fucking Heathen (pun, mercifully, intended)
So, I was “1” until I was “2”.
(and even after I was “2”, there was still a pretty healthy dose of “1” still in there.)
Didn’t learn to manage it very well.
The fact that I’m reflecting on this suggests that Khan Black Stage 2 is doing what it’s supposed to do.
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how long did you do stage one if I may ask?
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2 months. June 15 to August 15.
Took a break for 10 days. Then started KB Stage 2 (as part of the POOLS Black custom).
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Generalization is the refuge of the overwhelmed mind.
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was there a reason for why you didn’t do three cycles? It seems like you have still deep stuff to heal.
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hm…
a valid point.
The thing is, the previous post I wrote, was, I think, sparked by the healing/growth processes that are going on within me right now. Actually, the previous 3 or 4 posts were, I think.
I found myself (or am finding myself) in a somewhat raw place. Thinking on formative issues and experiences from the past.
But I do think I’m probably in the right place. For the 2 months that I was actually in Stage 1 of KB, I wasn’t feeling or thinking about those issues. But those issues are coming up now. So I think that it’s likely that the stage I’m playing now is the one that’s reaching those parts of me.
And the healing issues that came up yesterday went beyond sexuality. I found myself reflecting on my identity in general.
So I think this also might involve synergy with the other programs I’m running. Maybe especially Revelation of Mind and Revelation of Spirit. Maybe Genesis. Maybe others too.
Seems like they’re hitting deeper places in me.
I’ll try to follow the process organically and be honest with myself.
It’s possible that what I feel, think, notice, and remember throughout this process may prompt me to go back and work with Stage 1 of Khan Black more in the future. Or Stage 2.
Thanks for your comment. It prompted some useful reflection.
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And it continues.
Thought just now:
Death, and endings, are integral elements of any stable communty or collective.
If people remain in association and do not fragment or split off, they will eventually be processing endings as a group.
This goes back to the ‘Spring…Summer…Fall…Winter…’ concept.
Memento Mori fits squarely in the realm of Shadow-Work. And the fact that these thoughts are arising in my mind suggests that we’re in Shadow-Work land.
This feels like a gentler version of what happened back in 2020 when I first started running Terminus2 regularly and long-term.
Growth and Metamorphosis tend to originate in the Shadow.
Maybe something’s happening.
It’s what I’m asking for.
Hope I weather it okay.
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One very subtle and gradual change that has been happening over the last few years is that I’m slowly connnecting with others and finding ways to do so on my own terms.
I remember that when I was 19 or 20 I wrote a song on the guitar and the lyrics went:
Life’s a roller coaster/
And I’m holding on/
For pure survival/
Every person/
is a black hole/
I’m drawn in/
To their lives and their passions
and I forget myself
and I try/
To keep one eye on
The road
And I hope against hope/ For a time of (strength???) and a time of change
And I pray every day/ Just to grow
But if you plant a seed/ You must patiently wait through the rains
And I guess, my friend, that’s just how things go
How things go
In the morning when I wake up I can see the sun and it seems/
that for now the rain is done/
In the morning when I wake up I can see the sun and it seems/
that for now the rain is done/
that for now the rain is done/
Wow, I forgot all about that song. I can hear the melody in my head, but I’d have to work to remember what the chords are.
Anyway, that pretty accurately expressed how I was experiencing people at the time.
I’m finding that I’m gradually communicating more and reaching out more.
Post-midlife developments of a highly introverted person.
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Logic and Reason are useful tools when systematization and organization of analysis are what is needed.
They are not the driving forces of the Universe.
The Cosmos easily accommodates contradiction, paradox, and the discontinuous.
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I’m working on a writing project that needs to get done in the next few days or so.
Just got a little bit more insight on something.
When I’m navigating and moving through the world, it’s primarily by means of a non-verbal, intuitive thought process. It’s not visual, but it’s also not strictly word-based. It’s more like a flow of felt impressions and senses of things.
When I’m reading or talking, I’m translating these impressions into words, or translating the words back into those felt impressions. That non-verbal intuitive process is what is primary for me. Ideas or information do not really feel real until I’ve known them via that process.
It definitely impacts my experience of writing and my approach to writing. There’s this extra, but highly valued, step that is in the middle of everything. For me, it’s non-negotiable. But I notice that others do not always deal with this extra step.
Interesting.
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Right now, these days, there’s a kind of in-the-trenches subjective feeling. A feeling of kind of trudging along. Unaware of too much progress.
I’m not a person who takes subjective feelings to be the final word on reality. Often when I look closely at things, I can see many indications of growth or progress. But while subjective experiencing may not be THE reality, it is a reality. It is one important aspect of reality.
Late meditation today. 9:55 pm to 10:55 pm.
Feel lucky to be alive.
Let’s do it.
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The core and the foundation of PHENOMENAUT Genesis are The Revelation of Mind and The Revelation of Spirit.
Those two cores are The PHENOMENAUT.
The suffix - naut, from Astronaut, Oneironaut, Argonaut, means an explorer, traveler, and navigator of the various ‘seas’; the sea of stars, the sea of dreams, the sea of waters.
‘Phenomen-’, the prefix, refers to that which is experienced, and by implication it refers to the Awareness that underlies all experiencing, otherwise known as Consciousness.
Thus, a Phenomenaut is one who travels, explores, and seeks to know Consciousness, by way of all of the experiences, forms, and conditions that arise around it and within it.
This journey is the core of what life is about to me, and it is energized and supported by Revelation of Spirit and Revelation of Mind.
The PHENOMENAUT.
Those two cores alone form the foundation of everything else that I could do or want to do.
Then comes Genesis, on top of that foundation; harnessing it and connecting it with the everyday world of projects, interaction, lifestyle building and choices. To adventurously and ever more courageously allow the implications and expressions of that foundation to bear fruit through my actions in the world.
And so those are the three program cores: Revelation of Mind, Revelation of Spirit, and Genesis.
PHENOMENAUT Genesis
The next 10 modules of Phenomenaut Genesis form a sub-Archetype: The Counselor. I’m 50, I’ve had a few life experiences, and I know that as concerns my Vocation and Calling in this world, the Counselor is one of my primary archetypes: One who listens and strives to understand the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others, who integrates and synthesizes perspectives and meanings about life, and who attempts to facilitate others in doing the same.
Entranced, Eagle Eye, Empath, Mercy Protocol, Way of Understanding, Whispered Power, CHIRON, Storyteller, Polyglot, and Ultimate Writer.
Observing and striving to understand people, seeing the connections, facilitating their processes, and communicating and teaching beneficial practices, frameworks, and perspectives.
Next come my business development support. I believe that my business development style is primarily Innovation-oriented. Hence:
Trailblazer, Technological Prodigy, and Instant Business Tactician.
As a sensitive introvert creative type, I need to protect my enthusiasm and inspiration. Inspiration is my engine, and I am somewhat vulnerable to discouragement if I lose touch with that inner fuel. Hence:
Carpe Diem Ascended, Victory’s Call, and Mountain Breaker.
Finally, I have tended to get through life alone. As a young person, I mistakenly concluded that I had to choose either Freedom or Connection. And I chose freedom without hesitation (though with a boatload of angst). I came to understand, very very slowly, that we are always free and we are always connected. It’s more a question of relating to these aspects of experience with greater skill, agency, and flexibility. It’s an area that still requires a great deal of vulnerable growth on my part. The last module, therefore, is:
You Are Not Alone.
This, PHENOMENAUT Genesis, is my Core Program. Everything else is supporting it, harnessing it, branching off from it, and so on.
But this is the core.
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When it comes to Nouveau RICH, I want to gradually integrate the functionality of the New Wealth Experience scripting; but I also know that I’m not yet quite to the point of actively initiating wealth-building or business-development projects.
So I’ve decided to decrease the frequency of my Nouveau RICH plays to once per week, on Sundays.
That will give PHENOMENAUT Genesis and POOLS Black some more space and room to be processed in my mind.
That feels like a good compromise.
And I think that starting from next Sunday, I’ll go for a full-loop of Nouveau RICH. So far, I’ve been running 5-minute loops.
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The first day that I ever played PHENOMENAUT Genesis was 15 August. Then I took a 10 day break before running it again.
Nevertheless, that means that I’m just over 2 months into my journey with this custom.
And on 18 October, I switched to QTKS format.
No plans to stop
Another thing:
Other than the 3 program cores, 16 of the modules have been with me since 12 August 2022. They were originally in my Sapiens ZP Terminus2 custom.
So that’s 14 months.
But not with the program cores.
Kind of interesting.
The thing is, from August 2022 to April 2023, all I used were experimental Terminus2 customs.
Always full loops. Always twice a week (Saturdays and Tuesdays). Always all three programs. Always in a seated-meditation session.
I never felt disturbed or overwhelmed by reconciliation, as far as I remember.
But I also am not sure about how my mind processes Terminus2 programs.
Either way, that’s why I took a 7-week break in April. Just did a complete reset.
And when I came back, I decided to play basic, standard level titles and to see how I’d do adhering to the standard listening guidelines.
All that matters to me are results.
I don’t care if I feel anything.
So those are some reflections.
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Will you be adding the Destiny Directive module to this set any time soon? Me thinks it would make a great addition to your phenomenal Phenomenaut custom.
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Definitely noticed that one. 
But QTKS customs are not friendly to frequent changing. 
Got to stick with it.
I love all 20 modules currently in there now, so I concluded that I could live without it. I feel like I still need more time to see these ones work.
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Lol true.
Maybe you will manifest an extra 600 USD in the near future. May it be so!
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