I’d like to answer this since it hit me.
I’m going through some recon today, and my only explanation is…I listened to 5 minutes of LB this morning. I listened to Phoenix last night, but even months back I never had “all day” recon with Phoenix.
I mention my recon mostly since so many people have reported it. And today I’ve…actually tried to hold on to old understandings of feeling loved and important. And a LOT of what I gained in years past came from others. I relied on people loving me, and this created this performance loop (“do this, then do that…so you’ll be loved”). I was, and still am, actually dependent on other people loving me.
Loving myself? What’s that mean? Why? How? (it’s not heavily taught or encouraged in our society, as you know).
And that’s what’s likely causing my recon. LB seems to insist I love myself. And yes, I’m throwing up a lot of barriers like “but he…she…they love me”.
I actually see myself realizing that…I feel kind of illiterate presently. The solution I see is the NSE activating, as it did just now in me. Love is learned in real life, in real relationships with people. And me living it out amongst them. I saw my daughter this afternoon (she lives out of state), and my time with her was spent with me asking myself “how do I love myself here?” I never planned that. It just happened. That was the NSE at work.
Edit:
The NSE was gentle. I don’t think I was always gentle with myself today, but I was definitely more intentional about being loving to myself. It was the little things, the little decisions. But they built me up all day. It’s still at work as I look at my thinking. Yeah, it’s gentle and very active.