Accidentally posted in the journal of @TheEmpress . My apologies.
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Not at all. I used to. I know I have to change from within and allow that to bloom outward.
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Another great article about self love
I can feel myself having changed although my actions having necessarily changed. I can’t hold on to the past anymore. I don’t have any desire for nostalgia. I keep thinking of this quote from Eddie in Limitless
“Only problem… if I wasn’t moving forward, I felt like I was going to explode.”
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I feel a lot like I did when I was running the original version of Dragon Reborn St 1 almost four years ago. Losing interest in a lot of things. I don’t feel bad about myself as much but I feel like I’m also trying to figure out exactly what it is I want and what I enjoy despite any external influence. What it is that makes me who I am.
I have always felt I have been easily swayed into thinking about or trying to enjoy certain things even though I knew in my heart that whatever it was wasn’t for me.
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That’s what I feel on DR:Phoenix, it describes the feeling exactly, I couldn’t wrap it in words. Thank you.
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Ran a third three minute loop last night out of curiosity. Bad idea. Feeling really anxious this morning. I guess that means my sweet spot is somewhere between six and nine minutes
Generally really enjoying how I feel with this minus the recon. I can feel the negativity , envy, anger, resentment, pessimism, distrust, and self loathing slowly slipping away. I am noticing my thought patterns changing. Once in the last week I found myself say to myself that I apparently don’t deserve wealth and happiness in my life. I knew how the whole sentence went from the thousands of times I’ve said it to myself before now. I was able to stop myself mid sentence and switch it to “Not Yet”.
Any time I notice myself repeating negative thoughts I instantly say " I love myself " repeatedly for the next few minutes. Even if I don’t really feel that way I still say it. When I was feeling anxious this morning I have been saying " I love myself " repeatedly for a few minutes every time a bit of anxiety shows up.
I got the idea from a book by Kamal Ravikant.
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Even the way I provide input and advice is changing
Going through some weird but cool changes. I have found especially over the last couple of months that I find it difficult to relate to or want to emulate anyone. I don’t see it as a bad thing. I feel that it’s me trying to figure out exactly what is best for me. True authenticity. I don’t want to copy or rehash something other people are doing or have done.
I don’t know if feeling this way is because of my age , the work Love Bomb is doing, or a combination of both.
I experienced something similar when I first ran stage one of Dragon Reborn. I didn’t go beyond stage one out of some weird fears which is a big reason why I am excited for Dragon Reborn to be updated with NSE. I feel that by running Love Bomb now , Dragon Reborn in the near future, and Khan Love and War that I should have a clear vision of who I am and what exactly it is that I want.
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Sounds to me like you’re starting to discover, that there’s a real James, an individual, not a NPC.
That needs a lot of self love.
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I have to drop my listening time down to one or two minutes total for each of the three titles. Feeling super anxious today . I was sort of hoping that I could stay at three minutes but that apparently creates crazy recon. As much as I don’t want to I am going to do with just one minute for each title.
I was seriously thinking I might make faster progress if I could bump up the listening time. Nope. A bit frustrating but I’m not sure what else to do. It always feels like I start getting something going and then try to push beyond that only for my subconscious to say " not yet buddy. You have to be patient and take the time necessary no matter how long that is" .
There’s that word again " patience ". It’s making me feel a bit crazy at times. I just really hope that this is all worth it eventually.
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The subs are doctors and we are patience 
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You are the doctor, the patient and the scalpel.
The sub is more like the teacher that gives advice in the background.
Subs are a superior tool, but it’s actually us doing the hard work.
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I’m so angry today. Frustrating knowing that all of this could take a long time. All the while my life just keeps going no matter how much work I do or actions I take. A lot of times I feel like I’m somehow missing something. That I’m not seeing something that’s obvious to others.
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I just remembered I have been getting the best results when I run only thirty second loops. I guess that’s what I have to do. This feels like it’s going to take forever.
I’m not sure how else to feel other than frustrated. I will be 56 in a month and a half and here I am trying to build a base or foundation to grow on while other people my age are discussing possible retirement. If shit doesn’t change soon I will probably be stuck working until I die.
Those are some dark gloomy disempowering thoughts… that aren’t going to help you at all.
If I recommend you a book, would you read it and actually implement it?
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Sure. Why not?
Here you go. There is a reason why I’m recommending this specific book. We don’t need to even talk about it after this. If you give this book a chance, you will see changes that could drive growth for the rest of your life. I’ll leave it at that. Ball is in your court.
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Thank you. I will get it now and start reading it today