Total Breakdown was an easy ride for the first six-seven weeks, and then it started kicking the shit out of me, and that lasted for two weeks. I experienced bouts of apathy and grief, and especially after running the loop. Yet now everything seems to have got back to normal in terms of my mood.
However, during those two intense weeks, a really profound stuff got revealed and worked on, like my being defensive at default, usually perceiving people as being hostile towards me, and mental auto-aggression/torturing myself. This needs a bit more work. However, my realizing that is a big step towards resolving those issues.
I’m going to push through Total Breakdown further as it does a lot of good to me and I’m sure I can get even more out of it just by giving it more time to work its magic.
To give you a clearer context: For the first 30 years of my life, I suffered from apathy and got bullied by my father on a daily basis. I suffered from derealization and depersonification for pretty much whole my life. My little brother stabbed himself to death when I was 20 (20 years ago) and then (when I was 28-32 y.o.) I experienced some cognitive issues that put me into 4 years of being almost a walking dead, when I struggled to stay alive, just by not killing myself, on a daily basis.