It triggers a part of me that doesn’t or didn’t feel attractive in some way, and I end up assuming that my soulmate would pick someone else due to this lack
This then makes me angry at the whole concept of love and soulmates, triggering thoughts such as ‘i don’t have a soulmate and if I do, they’re probably dead’ or ‘they would likely choose someone else and only like me after she had sex with them’ etc
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I’ve always had a really hard time with this title. I’d love for healing to be smoother like how it has felt for me on other titles like Genesis and Phoenix.
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By “hard time,” you’re referring to recon? I’m genuinely shocked to hear that Heartsong triggered more recon than PHOENIX. Jeez.
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To be fair @SaintSovereign the recon I get from HS isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It just shows me that I MAYBE, possibly, potentially (as in there’s a chance lol) that I’ve settled in life far too many times.
HS is doing its job. If I stuck with it long enough (perhaps stacked with Primal or DRP) I’d probably be a whole new person.
And, weirdly, when I run HS in the form of my IBV3 custom, no recon. Usually my gorgeous twitch streamer friend who lives an hour away or so just starts chatting me up more on SnapChat.
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Also there’s a part of me that’s triggered (specifically on heartsong) by how conditional love is and can be (atleast in my own perception)
Thoughts such as ‘if I met her x years ago she would have hated me, she only likes me because y changed. She likes me on condition that I changed that, but she would not have been loyal to me while I changed it’ , etc.
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Yeah, processing was heavy for me. I felt a lot of anger and darkness. It’s probably because I was engaged twice and have a daughter with each of those exes that I have to see weekly.
Edit: I was also dating that narcissistic person around the time I listened to HS, which probably contributed.
For some reason, I handled Phoenix better and I listened to that for five cycles full loops, I think.
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I used hs for over a year and it always felt like a “soother” for me and my significant other. It calmed things down and calmed me down. Assuring. Yet after a whole year I actually got really really really heavy recon that lasted around 2 weeks where every here and there I’d start imagining my significant other dead and feeling all that pain of it all. I remember at one point I literally broke down crying on the floor of my room holding my head in pain from all that headache crying. I immersed in it willingly because I thought it was the most direct way to heal whatever I needed to. I was immersed in it as if it was true and I remember having suicidal thoughts if that scenario was real. I felt such pain I wished I was dead and I spent few times jumping off the building or standing on the roof looking down waiting for a weak moment to allow me to jump. Now Ofcourse this was imaginary scenarios and all I’m actually a very well living content human being guys. I love life I’m very much okay just to clear things up and I imagined this all knowing this was fantasies and day dreams that I just knew I needed to go through because I was probably healing stuff or whatever. I came to realization that that I would likely just off myself (hope I’m not breaking rules if so It’s not my intent I’ll check in a bit) if such thing were to occur. After I found out, the recon went away. Didn’t come back after that. It’s been few weeks. Now disclaimer I’m not saying subs make you suicidal I’m saying that even after a whole year of me running ha with realize ease as a “soother” you can still get some “recon surprise : )” and shit you know I even realized why I felt that way in that moment and I also understand on paper why I am wrong to have those kinds of beliefs that made me feel that way but man - some feels wheels don’t change just because your brain sees the absurdly of them. Call it love or whatever I just acknowledged that fact and moved on. Will this aspect of me change with time? Maybe. One way or another, love me some heartsong. Very wholesome sub. I put it in my customs as core too it’s just the best. The amount of value I place in this aspect of life is immense so it only makes sense why I love it
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Ive run it for two cycles this time and If I remember correctly I run it for two cycles sometime ago and drop it then because of no noticeable effects. I also went back to khan that time. I will keep it in my stack for another cycle or two and see if it develops. Thanks all for your inputs.
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@Zero99 you’re not the only one. No difference at all in running this title for me. This was a few years back, I don’t plan to run it again until some other changes in life first occur. (That, and the tech in this upgrades—imagine it in ZPU!)
I experienced the same and I am 100% sure that this is recon that needs to be worked through.
The “WB vs Heartsong” recon is a type of “Quality vs Quantity” recon.
This type of recon says (for me personally):
“I am afraid to show my potential ideal soulmate my true self and being vulneable with her and risk of rejected by her. Therefore, if I cannot have my ideal woman, I will then indulge in a harem that I can control and remain on top of things.”
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You’re likely correct, this may be the answer.
Thing is, heartsong also isn’t much of an attractant for me, I used it with primal while doing daytime seduction.
With khan or WB, girls comply and love me, with heartsong, they don’t like me.
Hence why, I had that reaction of 'f being loyal to one girl’s.
Which likely circles back to what you said, maybe on heartsong, they expect me to be more vulnerable and sincere than on khan or WB, where I can fool around and be dominating.
Also the thoughts I mentioned earlier barely ever come up when using primal solo, khan or WB but always do on heartsong
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Yeah when I ran it for a bit , it was feeling better than love bomb and went straight into healing, don’t know why I did not continue with it
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It genuinely beat the crap out of me the other daylol but I do need it. The other day was rough, like I compared it to one of the “bad” days on DRR.
And that was 1 loop haha
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I’ve gotten pretty good to extraordinary results from pretty much every sub I’ve used. Didn’t really get any results on Heartsong and the recon was so bad (stacked it once with KB and once with Emperor). However, I do fall into the category where I dropped it too quickly when things got very tough, so it might be awesome if a push throgh. Was planning to stack it with OG Wanted when released at some point (if that doesn’t contain too much of a mysterious aura) and then give it a long and fair shot.
Definitely seems that way a lot.
An example of the kind of things HS gets me to think about:
Back in 2007, I was trying like hell to make the Smart Circle “marketing” thing work to make money.
It wasn’t working great. I was also involved in an MLM at the time regarding legal services.
We ended up moving back to Kansas to live at my dad’s place so we could all mutually recoup our finances.
Huge Mistake.
Anyway, my dad and stepmom told me at one point later that the wife had confided in them that she was on the verge of leaving me because I wasn’t “making it work” in terms of money, and felt like I was just slacking off and had no drive. They swore me to secrecy that I’d not tell her they told me that.
Now, they never liked her, so there’s a chance they made that up trying to get us to split.
BUT…I can’t say as I’d blame her for thinking that if she did at the time.
Stepmom has since died, it’s been 18 years ago now that this came up. So I don’t know if she was ACTUALLY on the verge of leaving me. I’m afraid to ask, and with it being almost 20 years ago now, it sorta doesn’t even matter anymore.
HS gets me remembering things like that, though.
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Holy shit man that’s pretty heavy stuff to carry
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Definitely gets me going way back too. Even thinking about this HS stuff got me feeling things. so I’m welcoming it.
Maybe you would liberate yourself by asking her.
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Interestingly enough, I think Phoenix has been the smoothest healing expierence I’ve ran, having ran nearly every title you guys have put out.
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Waking up is painful, dissolving the illusionS one crafted over a lifetime is painful. As they say “The truth shall set you free” but its going to kick your ass first.
I dont know if you entered the stage in which you realize what are the conditions you unconsciously put onto others to be able to love them, or even accept them.
That put me out of the victim mentality I was in when sailing through what you describe and put me on the “evil guy shoes”
Eventually that too broke down and I lost another chain.
Man coming to think about it, that HS is a beast, although I revisited those issues with DRR.
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I’m sad today. Not because of the HS stuff, just life stuff happening today.
But posting what I did, and talking to @TheEmpress in our cave makes me wanna revisit the idea of stacking HS and PCC or WTP long-term to let them mesh.
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