(cross posting from my journal. note that this is from a name-embedded version of GLM with I am Atman Synergy added)
In the last month, I got very clear benefits from it:
- discipline scripting goes hard. Cleaned up my entire environment, extending beyond my room towards my shared kitchen. I get this strong sense that my environment really does reflect my inner world, as the old hermetic maxim says. Clean mind creates a clean environment which in turn promotes a clean mind.
- started walking more upright and felt my breathing slow down. This is clearly in relation to fearing disapproval less in social settings. I am able to relax more when out and about. GLM seems to have helped me moving my hips while I am walking and noticing the stiffness in the hips among many Swedes. I am surprised myself at how confident I walk now. There is an actual swagger in me. Simultaneously, I am starting to feel sorry for what I perceive to be unhappiness or lack of vitality in people I meet on the road, while I am feeling this inner joy.
- amazing inner silence that sometimes gets very intense. Now, I’ve cultivated this for many years, but had a hard time maintaining it off the cushion and when faced with things I unfortunately still view as real(such as fearing ridicule or disapproval from women)- this has gotten vastly better in this rather short period of time. For most of the day, I simply feel a quiet inner joy that makes it very easy to remain cool headed in the heat of the moment.
- most likely related to the last point, I’ve been amazed at the structured nature of my thoughts and actions. I calmly execute one thing after another, and get a ton of things done without really feeling effort. I expected this from Executive, but have actually been getting this from GLM.
- in my last gym session, I finally felt something click in myself and I started letting go of the idea that other guys are competitors and started feeling brotherly love for them. It can basically be described as a feeling of wanting to see everyone succeed.
- in my talks with people, I have become much more eloquent, and perhaps related to how structured my thoughts have become, I am able to calmly lay out my arguments as if I was writing a speech in my own room. I have also been successful in de-escalating potential fights with guys.
- my voice has become even deeper than it already is.
- GLM has helped me distance myself and almost instantly dissolve negative thoughts, especially about myself and unhelpful generalizations. It definitely creates a barrier which doesn’t suppress things, but rather enables a clear-headed response through emotional detachment.
- this is the most noteworthy point for me. My dream recall became vastly better and nearly all of my dreams have become highly symbolic, and try their best to “speak to me” in intensely personal language. They always inform me what is being worked on and the more I “decode” the symbolism, the more helpful they are becoming and the richer their content. I am really looking forward to each dream every night.
- Had clear warnings delivered to my in my dreams not to go for a rigid view of what masculinity might be to me as told by other sources, but rather to carefully engage my “feminine” aspects; to be vulnerable when the time is right, to listen deeply, to be intuitive, to value cooperation over competition, and to prioritize connection over conquest. Similarly, other dreams revealed to me that for the longest time, I have been afraid to act before I feel 100% ready, out of a very old traumatic pattern in me where my mom instilled both perfectionism and procrastination in me as a young child, which I adopted because I became afraid of her judgement and expectations, which I was never able to live up to, and as hard as it may be for me to admit that sometimes, psychologists are not that far out with their theories, I am still fearing female disapproval or criticism in every women I come across as the result of that old wound.
- I have been able to come down from the clouds, so to speak. I am a very heady, very mental type of person, and it has been difficult to admit to myself that I have some very human, personal and social desires such as having good friends and a girlfriend again. This is a very grounding experience for me.
- in the span of the first week on GLM, I had no less than three girls tell me that they trust me within a few minutes of meeting them. I had never heard people say that before, and especially not in those social contexts I was in. They were looking towards me to guide them to places and where to sit down etc. I became aware that I can meet people from a place of security and trust.
- I have been strongly questioning some of my more desperate choices in my social life. I do not like to drink. I do not like to dance, especially not to loud music. I prefer romantic settings where I can have deep conversations for hours. “Choose your settings wisely” kept repeating in my mind. I have been struggling with finding better socializing opportunities that play towards my strengths, but there is a clear sense of wanting to return/approach my real me and not pretend to be someone else just to be able to fit in. This is either GLM and/or the I am Atman Synergy at work.
- One thing that has been very noticeable since I started with the NGLM sub is that I feel no impulse to ejaculate to porn. KB and Dragon Reborn have helped with this last year, but this is on another level or builds on them, somehow. I may still get aroused, but there is no strong pull anymore. It is actually hard to get my mind to want that, even in the absence of other outlets. Surprisingly, something in there may contain the Stop Porn/Masturbation scripting, perhaps, or something indirectly triggers this response in me. Anyhow, it is most welcome, and has made my life much more pleasant.
- I have become sharply aware of the doubts in my mind. Almost every day, it occurs to me that I do not have much faith, and that my mind is filled with doubts. I know intuitively that I have to trust in the universe to provide what is meant for me, but it isn’t easy when I am losing my patience. I want results, now. And at the same time, I am recognizing that this impatience is not serving me, at all. It is tough to develop trust after being marginalized or bullied your whole life, but I am getting there.
