This is gonna be long
Welp got hit some of the worst recon yesterday . Like the almost breaking down into tears kind of recon . I was being smacked in the face about the opportunity I lost with a girl I really liked because I was struggling with self worth because I felt like a bum . And how I can’t lead anyone because my life doesn’t reflect my true abilities even my little brother doesn’t even regard any of the advice I give him but will gladly follow it when some YouTuber tells him and regurgitates the most self defeatist to me advice because he thinks my life isn’t in order . Thinking about how my mother has to bare all this stress in her life because I can’t get my act together and just generally how people around me just associate me with inaction and being a dreamer .
the real pain came from the fact that I had been internalizing those beliefs and was always teetering between actually believing in myself and just doing nothing . But then it really hit me like a ton of bricks that I haven’t been embodying who I am to the fullest . I’ve always taken on challenges and knocked them down when I did it my way . I know how to push myself I know how to get things done . When I chose to optimize my adhd with lifestyle changes I knew it would the harder path , when I chose to become an entrepreneur I knew it would be the harder path . All of a sudden my inner voice became really aggressive like almost like a spiteful emotion rose up and the question “why don’t you believe in yourself? “popped up and I was sat there with tears in my eyes .
There was another result that I found strange . when I was looking in my reflection while I was on the bus and I had this really hard look in my eyes . Not anger but this look of intense focus like a man on a mission . Also was being more conscious about my posture when standing .
I will admit firsthand that I suck at taking action and it wasn’t until recently where I’ve been forcing myself to take action consistently by just focusing on getting one percent better everyday and making sure I’m never staying idle . Started working out consistently again and there are definite increases in my will power to force myself to actually get things done . Even started taking runs out in the cold .
. Ending my washout for my third cycle run of my Emperor and Sanguine custom. Here is my review and it’s going to be a long one as I’ve been getting some pretty interesting results.