Came back to Emperor after release of New Emperor and ran it about 2-3 times; it hit fast, little to no recon and encouraged introspection. Was too good I immediately pulled the trigger on my Emperor/Sanguine custom.
During my first cycle I almost didn’t notice anything except for Sanguine - I was always happy, sometimes, without reason. Now I’m on washout day 8 of my second cycle, it’s time for a review:
Self effects
- My posture is impeccable - shoulders back/relaxed, upright back, chest popping up and I don’t feel the muscles straining to do so, unlike when I try to consciously do it over hours. I’m aware of it, but I don’t need to do anything, it has become that way.
- I feel taller everyday I wake up.
- My base gait is faster and upper body swings more freely as I walk.
- I don’t move out the way unless necessary, I have my share of the way, you have yours, if you enter mine without reason, I walk into you.
- There is always a destination and I walk with intention. It reflects even in my action but without intent, I’m just ‘there’ not moving.
- I find myself saying “pain is a temporary construct” sometimes, I had glimpses of this mindset in my first run of Emperor about two years ago(but also ran some Spartan loops this cycle)
- I’m beginning to feel unphase-able. Confidence, calmness, nonchalance are building up, banter doesn’t get to me at this point. Fear going down.
- I smile when actually annoying/frustrating things happen.
- Projected Voice is the new normal. People keep turning at work when they hear my voice, some get startled despite hearing it for a while now. Also got told to try voice acting.
- The mindset that “nobody is going to save you, it’s all in your hands if you just MOVE”
- Some days I feel really good and happy, other days just normal, no bad or severe recon day.
- Improved self care. I was bothered about my skin but now I take action on it.
- I feel irritated at unreasonable restrictions - whether they’ve existed or if people try to box me into one on the fly - now, I fight it.
- I feel and look bigger both physically and energetically. I just cover more space most times without even trying to.
Social
- I smile a little more freely even while greeting people.
- Improved humor. Previously it was a mix of dead jokes, no jokes in mind and I couldn’t be bothered every time (antisocial behavior)
- Even if my joke isn’t a hit and people try to flip it on me, I’m unphased - own it and laugh it off or try to keep talking as if nothing happened.
- I feel disconnected in some conversations.
- I still don’t have anything to say when making small talk or talking with girls. I’m a man of few words only because I don’t know what to say (I need to change this)
- People try to engage me a little bit more in conversations.
- People are kinder and tend to seek my approval a little bit more.
- Some girls spontaneously just developed a crush for me.
- Sometimes words just flow out of my mouth (usually compliments). The internal debate on what to say is still there, but the genuine one just comes out even if it doesn’t win the debate.
- People don’t try to test me anymore. Like they can’t disrespect me.
- Improved boundary setting. I like helping people do things and being kind. Now, I just refuse some, otherness they see my expression and just decide to do it themselves.
- Noticed people trying more to give me orders and it irks me - even when what they’re telling me to do is necessary. Maybe they’re trying to assert themselves in a way, perhaps it has been this way, but it displeases me either ways. In the past I used to get annoyed that I’m too agreeable.
- People try to talk over me sometimes (it was a usual occurrence previously) most times I keep talking, other times I succumb (I need to work on this).
- The way some people treat me in conversations sometimes just irks me in a way.
- Not on my best social prowess, but there’s an increase from baseline.
- I’m changing and people’s reactions to me are changing , but to them it’s all normal like “it’s always been like this”
Will, action, drive & productivity
- This side is still out in the jury. The Emperor drive, ambition & pull to action hasn’t hit yet (probably because its a custom and my mind prioritized other things)
- Been getting into flow very easily at work and time is very fast when I’m in it. Like I just want to flow and go faster and it just happens.
- Getting the call and signs to declare what I want and create a plan (already working on it). Had me reconsidering if Emperor is best for my goals.
- Currently, I have to really exert my Will power to start moving, unlike my previous runs.
- That power to just decide/compel/will myself into things hasn’t kicked in yet. Like just decide things and it just remains that way.
Two examples from my first run of Emperor 2 years ago
- if my mind keeps running while trying to sleep,I could just say to myself “it’s time to sleep, shut up and go to bed bruh” and the next thing I know I’m waking up the next morning.
- Figured out my sleeping posture was bad for my shoulders and neck. I simply decided and said to myself “I will start sleeping on my back,” tried it that night and it remains that way till today (for the most part)
Habits
- Positive habits are beginning to build up again, albeit slowly. It feels like there is a lot of friction here or I just find a way to procrastinate on it.
Recon
- The recon on this is very tricky. Funny part is that it’s text book recon - doubt, indecision, negative mood, urge to change stack etc - but it’s very good at disguising itself. Sometimes I know I’m in recon, but I can’t really help it. It’s like playing lawyer games with myself but the other me is Loki and if you get past him, you meet Harvey Specter.
. Ending my washout for my third cycle run of my Emperor and Sanguine custom. Here is my review and it’s going to be a long one as I’ve been getting some pretty interesting results.