Summertime reports are slowing down a bit outside of journals. As the Summertime effect is now deepening (I can see this emerging in the reports that are coming in), it would be nice for the community to know what it feels like.
As always, I’ll also contribute. This has been a RIDE. I’ve been running it consistently for about 30 days now and wow. Indescribable. So much internal junk has been cleared and I’m actually starting to allow myself to have fun and relax without guilt. I never realized just how “braced” my nervous system was, and how this “unloosening” of my internal life is affecting everything else.
Now, this is a seemingly minor note, but I regularly find deep meaning in the most mundane of things. As @Invictus noted, Summertime has the most ridiculous effects on performance in competitive games (both video games and actual sports). In FPS, what I thought was some kind of fundamental inability with wrist aiming turns out to be an inability to make decisions in those high competitive moments. In other words, I realized that I was panicking too much and had no real control over my reactions.
I noticed it the first time I ran Summertime. I made a couple of crazy flick shots that made me raise an eyebrow, but then this starting intensifying. Since I can’t just relax and enjoy the benefits, I HAD to delve deeper to see what was happening. Again, the outer expression of the inner change may seem mundane, but that doesn’t mean the internal shifts are mundane.
That’s when I began quietly tracking my internal state during the sessions (yes, this is the opposite of what Summertime is trying to achieve, but I still can’t help myself). What I noticed is the presence of a very stable state – coherent – regardless of what was happening on screen. Diminished presence of those tiny emotional fluctuations that occur not just during a gaming session, but throughout life in general.
Any time I tried to do something “mindless” just to relax, there was always this voice in my head urging to go make myself “useful.” That voice has quieted and I can allow myself to just zone out a bit and do something that has no “higher meaning” or related to a “purpose” or “mission.” I can just enjoy something for enjoyment’s sake which I am finding extremely… meaningful or enlightening in a way that I couldn’t have imagined before. And I’m trying not to apply “meaning” to it too much (and I’m assuming this is why many have slowed down on reporting). I just want to let it flow.
My creative output is changing as well. I feel more bold, more innovative but also having an appreciation for the concept of “limits,” or “stability” as a refinement tool. @Fire and I both are very forward thinking, long-term planners – in it for the long haul. Limits is not something we accept that well. You all can see that as well, as we regularly charge forward into the future with our tech. But it’s like… as I become more embodied, or enjoying the simple act of being in a body and letting life flow, I have become appreciative toward “stability.” It is strange, as if I’ve lived the majority of my life in my head and emotions, and now I am settling into a new home – the body. With all its imperfections and troubles… life has just taken on a different flavor.
I’ve known that intellectually for a while, but could never actually get it to click to where that was my baseline thought pattern and that’s after a few years of therapy.
