I’ve been on Phoenix lately, and this morning I began to look into custom options (fueled by the Masterclass custom ideas which I’ve been reading). I felt drawn to the financial/productivity element this morning, and I hit an old snag–which has held on for a LONG time.
That snag is guilt. Guilt from earning more. Of “leaving the family” if I succeed financially. It’s glued together to an old childhood understanding that I’m responsible for providing for my (birth) family’s wealth and happiness. A host of emotions have effectively hemmed me in and repeatedly sabotaged financial progress in my adult life.
Literally, I’m paying to use 2 separate businesses right now (yes, I said 2. I added the second one less than a month ago). And…I’m using NEITHER. Nada. It’s prompted by a fear of failing plus an old escape mentality of “doing nothing” to avoid…possibly failing…again. As I wrote that, I realized more where my issue lies.
It lies in childhood beliefs about money. In what I see myself doing. (Am I competent? Able to handle this?) I’ve been afraid of failing (or even trying) again.
–This popped up while editing this post: I only see failure when I imagine doing more. Fuck. That has been my guide, my “template” of what will happen for me.
I’m just wondering if something like GenMog or Phoenix would help me most since guilt seems to be a major piece of this. I realize this is a HIGHLY subjective question–and I even feel some guilt as I continue writing.
But GenMog (and all NSE subs) prompt one to take action. Not even to jump into one business (2 is too much right now, honestly). I’m wanting to jump out of my uncomfortable norm of not winning and not facing life’s challenges.
I’ll take any imput. I’ve been in this mindset a long time, but I’ve very rarely addressed it in recent years. Me writing this is probably fruit of the NSE scripting working.
@Sub.Zero
@COWolfe
Edit 2: I felt a deep embarrassment airing this. Holding it in protects me from criticism. But sometimes I feel a great need to do SOMETHING vs. continually hiding from the results.